


Resilience

by kkat5724851



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gaslighting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Neglect, Planet Melida | Daan (Star Wars), Qui-Gon Jinn's A+ Parenting, Slavery, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:01:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27411619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkat5724851/pseuds/kkat5724851
Summary: Eighteen-year-old Obi-Wan struggles to support Qui-Gon, who never recovered from the losses of Xanatos and Tahl. He's in pain from a blocked lifebond. All he wants is knighthood and a future with his bondmate. As Qui-Gon's mental health deteriorates, that dream seems to be slipping through his fingers.-How could Obi-Wan's childhood trauma from his Legends backstory have happened in a Jedi Order run by responsible, caring adults, and what would his recovery from it realistically look like?-Good people make harmful choices for understandable reasons (unprocessed trauma, unhealthy attachment, insufficient institutional safeguards...)-Quinlan/Obi-Wan, because I wanted more of that so I wrote itTWs: discussion of slavery, being a child soldier, emotional abuse/neglect, substance abuse, and brief mentions of sexual violenceNot abandoned, will update at whatever rate my adhd brain decides to cooperate with.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Mace Windu, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Quinlan Vos, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn & Yoda
Comments: 537
Kudos: 832





	1. Chapter 1

_I_ **_know_** , Obi-Wan gritted at his persistent chest pain. _I get the message. The bond is atrophying, I know, you've informed me of this daily for the past 719 days, so you've more than done your job and you can kriff off into the bloody Force already._

The chest pain ignored him and refused to float off down the trickling stream he was visualizing, even as his frustration filled the stream with gushing floodwater. Not that he'd truly expected any different, but perseverance was the Jedi way.

If Quin were here, he'd smirk that 'stubbornness was the Kenobi way', but Quin was on the other side of the galaxy and wasn't that the root of the whole problem?

 _No, that's not fair,_ Obi-wan reminded himself. _If Quin had his way, I'd be doing this meditation sitting on his lap on the sofa in Tholme's quarters. The root of the problem is Tahl. Or maybe Xanatos._

 _No,_ he sighed. _Be honest with yourself. The root of the problem is Qui-Gon Jinn._

* * *

There had been a time when Qui-Gon thought that the lifebond was cute. For a year or so after a fourteen-year-old Obi-Wan looked into Quinlan Vos's dark eyes for the first time and felt something _click_ , Qui-Gon watched Obi-Wan play and study and train with his new best friend and the Master smiled. It was the only time he'd seen his padawan act like a child since Melida-Daan and the Light in Obi-Wan's eyes reassured Qui-Gon that taking his padawan back had been the right choice.

But then Tahl died on New Apsolon and Qui-Gon's desperate, possessive love for her nearly pulled him over the edge of the Dark. Obi-Wan managed to head off Qui-Gon's rage and bloodlust, but the grief resurrected the deep depressive episodes that Qui-Gon had suffered after Xanatos's Fall. 

After that, the slightest hint of romance among Jedi seemed only one step removed from Sith apprenticeship. Qui-Gon vowed to save his apprentice from his own mistakes. When he caught his sixteen-year-old padawan kissing Vos, he knew he had to act.

* * *

Sensing that his meditation had hit a dead end, Obi-Wan scraped his stiff muscles up from his woven mat. In the two years since Qui-Gon had blocked off Obi-Wan's lifebond with Quinlan, Obi-Wan had never managed to dislodge the sucking emptiness from his chest through mindfulness or by any other means. And today, with Qui-Gon in another low mood and installed in the Archives among his favorite prophecy manuscripts, Obi-Wan had far too much on his to-do list to be wasting time on hopeless pining.

Breakfast was the first order of business. His master hadn't come home from the Archives the night before so he had likely skipped dinner and maybe lunch too. Obi-Wan pulled a sealable container out of the cupboard and filled it with berries and sliced cheese. When the kettle whistled he took it off the heat and poured a tall thermos full of Qui-Gon's favorite chai. He stuffed both containers in an innocuous cloth bag and added a bagel wrapped in a napkin for good measure. 

The trick to sneaking food into the Archives, Obi-Wan had found, was to walk purposefully but not too fast while concentrating calmly on some academic research question. This ensured that one's Force presence felt exactly like those of the library's less duplicitous scholars. _Initiate Obi-Wan would've been horrified that I deceive Master Nu often enough to have a strategy_ , Obi-Wan rued. Still, he only did it for the good of his Master's health, so maybe Initiate Obi-Wan would have understood.

Qui-Gon hadn't moved from the table where Obi-Wan left him the night before. He was in a nook so deep in the stacks that natural light never touched it, and maybe Qui-Gon felt that this excused him from the steady passing of hours which governed the rest of the Order. The Master's tunics were crumpled and ink-stained and Obi-Wan could see three days' grease in his hair. With a groan, Obi-Wan realised that today he needed to drag Qui-Gon out of the Archives and into the bath. 

_But maybe I can leave that for the evening_ , Obi-Wan rationalized, _so that arguing with Master doesn't ruin the rest of my day_. 

Qui-Gon gave a vaguely appreciative grunt when his apprentice plunked breakfast down among the scattered datapads. He didn't raise his eyes from his reading though.

Obi-Wan acknowledged annoyance and shoved it into the Force. "Good morning, Master Qui-Gon."

A bob of the grizzled head and a blind grab for the tea thermos.

"Please eat the food I've brought you, Master. You know I worry about you." Obi-Wan gently rearranged Qui-Gon's reading material to make space for the fruit container, popped the lid off, and propped a fork against the side of the container suggestively. 

Qui-Gon glanced up at his apprentice with an absent smile. "Look, Padawan, I've found the most interesting discrepancy between the Ryl account of Master Tena-Li's Reunification Vision and the Coruscanti translation made two centuries later. The translation uses the verb 'meld' _here_ to suggest that only through the combined wisdom of all Orders of Light Force adepts can the true nature of the soul's personhood in the Force after death be understood. But see, _here_ , the meaning of the original Ryl verb as used at the time of the vision is closer to 'transcend,' suggesting that all Orders will receive a new teaching which will render their disparate traditions obsolete!"

An exasperated fondness warmed Obi-Wan's heart; while Qui-Gon might have spent the years since Tahl's death fleeing from his trauma into tomes full of mysticism and ancient seers, he was always eager to share his arcane learning with his padawan. Obi-Wan gathered up the warm glow and stored it away to be revisited the next time his Master's behavior had him in tears.

"That is fascinating, Master. It opens up a whole range of possible outcomes that would otherwise be precluded by the tension between Jedi and Chalactan models of immortality. Will you tell me more at dinner tonight?"

"I would, Padawan, but I suspect that I'll still be engaged with this translation for at least twelve hours. This finding is too critical to risk interrupting my thought process."

 _Oh, well. It was worth a try._ "Will you have time to review and sign your Senate report on the Trade Federation's Corellian bribery scheme? It should only take a few minutes."

"Of course," Qui-Gon mumbled, attention already back on his translations. This indicated roughly a five percent chance that he was even aware of the report's existence. As the report was due at the Senate Administrative Office that afternoon, it seemed that the Senate would once again be deliberating upon a document researched, drafted, and edited entirely by an eighteen-year-old apprentice. Obi-Wan wished that he wasn't so practiced at forging his Master's signature.

* * *

His Master dealt with, Obi-Wan returned to their quarters and assembled his own breakfast. Whole grains, fruit, yoghurt for protein and healthy fats-- he was very deliberate about nutrition. If he wasn't careful, he'd stop eating when he was stressed, unconsciously revert to sustaining himself with the Force, and not realize it until his utility belt started fitting too loose.

He brought his datapad to the table and scrolled through his calendar as he ate. The Senate report could be proofread during his morning political economy lecture and his grade in the class probably wouldn't suffer. The evening was blocked off for grading: a batch of practice exam grades was due to be handed back in the junior padawan diplomacy class that his master theoretically taught. Obi-Wan didn't want to face the kids' wrath if he arrived at the classroom without the test papers.

His afternoon Force Theory and chemistry classes would require caffeine. Last night Obi-Wan had written up a lab report and memorized twelve pages of Dictums from the Old Masters; he'd sacrificed five hours of sleep in the process. The rest of the night was lost to violent nightmares. His homework was prepared but his mind and body were exhausted. 

At least this was his final semester of general education classes. If he made it through the next two weeks of review and exams, he would be free. No more self-taught make-up work and streaming recorded lectures during lulls in Qui-Gon's grueling mission schedule (or between cooking and cleaning for his listless master).

 _And then I'll finally take that senior lightsaber seminar,_ he promised himself. It had been years since he'd been in a saber class-- Qui-Gon preferred to teach him privately. But it had been over two months since his Master had been to the salle with him and Obi-Wan had to get his saber training from someone. It would make a good incentive to survive his finals.

He wondered what Quinlan was doing out in the Rim right now. Whether he was safe. Force, what wouldn't he give for a hug from his bondmate today. Or even a message; Shadows' comms blackouts were the worst. Obi-Wan allowed himself forty-five seconds to wallow in the sense-memory of Quinlan's strong arms and warm skin. Then he pried himself up from the kitchen table, shoved his datapad into his backpack, and marched himself off to class.

His chest still ached.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More meditation.

Obi-Wan's fingertips were numb and trembling as he fumbled his messaging app open. His skin was chilled and he could feel his heartbeat pulsing through his whole abdomen.

**Your exam scores are ready to view. Click here to open.**

He giggled unsteadily at his reactions. _You fought a Dark Jedi when you were twelve, but exam scores have you losing your nerve?_ Forcing himself to breathe slowly, Obi-Wan clicked the link.

**Particle Physics 4**

**Political Economy D 5**

**Organic Chemistry 4**

**Advanced Bothese Lang 5**

**Force Theory C 5**

Obi-Wan let out a happy squeak. _I'm done! I'm free!_ He'd passed all his subjects with honors, top scores in three of them. He felt tipsy with relief.

He must have been projecting his emotions because Qui-Gon poked his head out of his bedroom.

"Padawan? Are you alright?"

"I'm better than alright, Master, look!" He shoved the datapad into his Master's hands. 

Qui-Gon gave a couple of startled blinks before he registered the scores on the screen. "Well done, young one!" 

Obi-Wan preened as he was hauled into a hug. For once, Obi-Wan had no trouble living in the moment. Qui-Gon's depression seemed to be lifting in the past few days, Quinlan's comms blackout was over, he'd completed his general ed with honors, and his saber seminar was set to begin in two days. As his Master released him from the bearhug, Obi-Wan closed his eyes and luxuriated in the feeling that the Force was on his side.

* * *

An hour later, Obi-Wan was shredding carrots into the simmering broth on the stove when the Force in their quarters became charged like the air before a lightning strike. Assuming that Qui-Gon was feuding with the Council again, Obi-Wan stayed in the kitchen to give him space. To celebrate his exam results, Obi-Wan had decided to cook his Master's favorite comfort food; the meal would do his Master's temper more good than any consoling words his apprentice could come up with.

"Obi-Wan. Come here." 

_Shit._ He scrambled for the living room.

Qui-Gon was holding Obi-Wan's datapad and his face was as still and severe as a granite cliff face. His force presence was darker than it had been in months. 

His Master silently passed him the datapad and Obi-Wan froze in horror. There on the screen was his message chain with Quinlan, full of little daily observations and love-notes. He must have left the datapad unlocked in his excitement after he messaged Quin the news about his exams. Qui-Gon had clearly scrolled through a good number of messages since the ones on the screen were dated eight months ago.

"You have been lying to me, Obi-Wan. It is my dearest wish to raise you to knighthood in the Light, but I cannot do so without your cooperation. The teachings I share with you are all for your benefit and I'd thought that you'd finally come to understand that, but clearly I was too optimistic."

"I didn't wish to disobey you, master, I merely-"

"Did I not tell you explicitly to end your romance with Padawan Vos?"

"Yes, Master."

"Did I not make it clear to you that you were not to contact Vos outside of classes and training?"

"You did, master. But-"

"Are there not two years worth of messages on this datapad sent in direct violation of that guidance?"

"Master, please, there's nothing Dark about my relationship with Quinlan! Being separated from him makes me weaker in the Light, not stronger."

"If you believe that, then you have been allowing the Dark to deceive you. I know that it is hard for you to distinguish between the purity of the light and the temptation of the Dark, but that is all the more reason for you to be guided by your Master."

"But Master it hurts! The block on the bond physically hurts every day, and it hurts Quinlan too. How could something Light cause so much pain?"

"It hurts because you continue to resist, to cling to your attachment. Once you give it up to the Force as I have instructed, you will find peace. You are hurt by your own wilfulness."

"Yes, Master." If there was one thing Obi-Wan knew, it was when to stop arguing.

Qui-Gon held out his hand. "Give me the datapad. You will share mine or use the public terminals in the Archives until you demonstrate a willingness to heed my teachings. You will have no contact with Padawan Vos-- not even during training-- and you will not leave our quarters except for training until I tell you otherwise."

"As you say, Master." Obi-Wan quietly handed over the datapad and bowed his head.

"Thank you. Now go deal with supper-- it's burning."

* * *

The next few days were fragile and oppressive. Qui-Gon mostly sat in his bedroom ruminating on betrayals past and present, the shadow over his Force presence deepening all the time.The Master spoke little, ate less, and didn't sleep at all. Occasionally he required Obi-Wan to drop his shields so that Qui-Gon could root out any deception. Obi-Wan obeyed without a fight-- a single cross look could tip them back into open conflict. 

Obi-Wan meditated until he lost all feeling in his legs. First he examined every facet of his relationship with Quinlan in search of the Darkness that scared his Master so much. Committed relationships between Jedi had to be steadfast and selfless; rather than committing to each other, partners made a joint commitment to the Light. They had to prepare for the inevitability of loss and accept that sacrificing their partner's mortal life in service to the Light was an act of love. When a romantic bond between Jedi was strong, it existed in the Cosmic Force and transcended mortality.

At ages eighteen and twenty respectively, Obi-Wan and Quin hadn't quite reached that degree of purity. They were working toward it, though, and aware of their weaknesses. And unlike most Jedi couples, they had a natural lifebond-- they bonded in the Cosmic Force spontaneously when they first met rather than building the connection through years of emotional labor. 

Which was why Obi-Wan was so baffled by his Master's fear. Obi-Wan recognized that he and Quin were still too attached to each other's physical presence and struggling with the fear of their partners' death. Those were obstacles that every Jedi couple faced, though. Master Tholme was open with them about the fears that he was continually working through in his bond with Master Saa.

 _It's not my relationship with Quin that Master is afraid of,_ Obi-Wan reaffirmed. _It's romantic bonds in general. He's projecting his pain from the loss of his own bondmate onto me._ This was a conclusion that Obi-Wan had reached many times before, but it never hurt to review the evidence.

The exercise also helped him build empathy for his Master when the man was making his life difficult. Obi-Wan feared the loss of his bondmate; Qui-Gon lived with it every day. Obi-Wan shielded the weaknesses in his relationship against the Dark; Qui-Gon had nearly succumbed to them and Fallen. He could forgive his Master for nearly anything as long as he remembered that Qui-Gon was only trying to spare his padawan pain.

With that settled, Obi-Wan moved on to his next target: his own decision to continue his romance in secret after his Master had blocked the bond. While Qui-Gon's action was unjustified, Obi-Wan had still chosen to disobey and lie.

He'd always thought that it was the right course of action: to heed the Force's pull toward Quin while sparing his master from fear and from painful reminders of his own lost love. 

But was that just an excuse for Obi-Wan to chase selfish desires? He couldn't deny that he craved contact with Quin and resented his Master for keeping them apart. And he'd never considered the pain it would cause his Master if the deception was discovered. He'd gambled with Qui-Gon's happiness and lost; now his Master was prone on his mattress reliving betrayals on Telos and Melida-Daan.

The Force didn't seem to agree. It kept tugging him away from self-condemnation with the same bright warmth that surrounded the lifebond. Whatever lesson it wanted to teach him remained stubbornly out of reach. Each time he tried for it he was stabbed with revulsion at the prospect of blaming or criticising his Master. 

What he truly needed was guidance from another Master. That was impossible though-- bringing one of Qui-Gon's peers into his relationship with Qui-Gon could destroy Obi-Wan's future in the Order. If Qui-Gon was asked to explain his teaching methods, surely he'd reveal what had truly happened on Melida-Daan. If the Council found out that Obi-Wan had drawn his lightsaber on his Master and voluntarily left the order…

No. It was horribly selfish, but Obi-Wan had chosen to lie to the entire Order for years rather than give up his dreams of knighthood. When Qui-Gon had landed at the Temple without his padawan, confused and grieving and four days sleep-deprived, he'd claimed that his student was dead and the body couldn't be recovered. When Obi-Wan returned to the Order, Qui-Gon stuck to the story and treated his padawan's survival as a miraculous surprise. His Master's merciful lie was the only thing standing between Obi-Wan and expulsion. 

Frustrated and utterly drained, Obi-Wan surfaced from his meditation and flopped down on his back on the floor. He needed to sleep before his first day of saber seminar, but he sensed that the nightmares would pounce as soon as he closed his eyes. As he stared indecisively at his bedroom ceiling, Obi-Wan's joy at his exam results not forty-eight hours ago felt like a moment from another lifetime.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinlan Vos= if a golden retriever puppy was a Slytherin
> 
> No, Obi-Wan doesn't have the awful padawan hair in this fic. He's got sort of a wavy shoulder-length blunt bob going on instead. Yes, this is very important information for the reader to know. Humor me.

Quinlan was not having a good week. There were two main reasons for this: first, the sentient trafficking ring that he and Master Tholme had just chased halfway across the galaxy specialized in Twi'leks and it was far too easy to imagine little Aayla among their victims; second, Obi hadn't answered any of his messages in nearly three days and that never meant anything good.

Taking advantage of the feeble holonet signal in the cargo hold of the traffickers' freighter, Quinlan fired off a message to Obi's best friend Bant. She was about as empathic as Jedi came-- if anyone could figure out what was going on with Obi, it would be Bant.

Next he pulled up the latest video of Aaya's clan from his message chain with her crechemaster. He'd been looking forward to watching this for hours. On screen, a dozen seven-year-olds were lined up on the mats in one of the Temple's tumbling gyms. As one, they planted their hands on the ground and kicked up into handstands. There was a moment of stillness. Then the tiny Zabrak on Aayla's left began kicking his legs and toppled over into Aayla, who somehow got tangled up in her own lekku and tipped into the small human to her right. The chain reaction continued until a whole clan of surprised initiates were sprawled on the mats. The camera shook as Crechemaster Merril tried to suppress a fit of giggles.

Grinning, Quinlan forwarded the video to his Master. Then he downloaded it in case the holonet signal gave out; he needed to watch it at least fifty more times.

The datapad vibrated with a reply from Bant. His grin dropped.

**Quin,**

**He hasn't been answering my messages either. I went by Jinn's quarters and I could feel Obi-Wan's Force signature inside but nobody answered when I knocked. I felt Jinn in the Force too and I don't want to worry you but he seemed angry and really cold. Way too close to the edge. I told Master Filla and she tried to contact Jinn but Yoda intercepted. Apparently "approaching, the anniversary of Master Tahl's death is" and "disturbed, he must not be."**

Personally, Quinlan thought that Jinn'd been 'disturbed' for a decade and counting. But clearly nobody was asking his opinion.

**I don't know if I should keep trying to contact Obi-Wan. If he and his Master are fighting, us getting involved might actually make it worse. I'll meditate on it I guess. Please let me know if you hear from him!**

**Bant**

Quinlan took deliberate breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth. He squashed three consecutive knee-jerk reactions and willed himself into a light trance. His anger at Jinn would only get him in trouble right now, so he released it. _Get a grip, Vos_ , he ordered himself.

The next emotion to arise was panic, but that wasn't helpful either. He traced it back to its source and pinned down two main fears as the culprits. The fear for Obi-Wan's physical and emotional safety was tediously familiar. While he seldom succeeded in releasing it, he'd learned to tolerate it and keep it from affecting his behavior. 

The fear of the unknown was more interesting. Obi's relationship with his Master was hopelessly complicated. Quinlan knew more about it than anyone save Obi and Jinn themselves and yet he could seldom figure out when things would go wrong, why, or how to support his bondmate. 

No matter how much Quinlan wanted to go before the Council and beg them to assign Obi a new Master, he couldn't. Obi was terrified of official intervention. 

Master Tholme had made that mistake back when Jinn first blocked the lifebond. Tholme had marched into the Training Oversight Office and demanded an investigation. The knight on duty informed him that Masters had the right to restrict their padawans' romantic relationships and that no formal rules existed regarding natural lifebonds as they were quite rare. 

Tholme replied that Jinn's actions had caused physical and emotional distress to both Jinn's padawan and his own. The duty knight had asked Obi-Wan for a statement but Obi refused. Quin had nearly spoken up in his bondmate's place but Obi had grabbed his hand pleadingly and Quin had been struck dumb by Obi's fear. 

Tholme, frustrated and confused by the padawans suddenly clamming up, told the knight that the word of a Master should be grounds to open an investigation. Yoda had been hovering protectively around his grieving grandpadawan though, and the knight had balked at bringing accusations against Jinn. Tholme had worked out his frustration on some training droids. Since then, he'd been testing an endless parade of healing crystals and pain management trances on his padawan's bond-induced chest pain. None of them worked, but Quinlan appreciated his master's concern.

As far as Quinlan was concerned, five or so years of moderate chest pain was absolutely tolerable if the alternative was Obi getting drummed out of the Order. They'd be able to repair the lifebond on Obi's knighting day. _That's gonna be a fun night_ , he smirked to himself, though his heart wasn't really in it. It was his go-to fantasy when he needed a distraction from a grim mission.

He wasn't totally sure why Obi was so scared of being expelled. All Quin knew was that something awful had supposedly happened on Melida-Daan that would somehow justify a Master leaving their junior padawan alone in a war zone. Which was still more than anyone else knew, even the mindhealer who'd given Obi a few Council-mandated sessions after he returned to the Temple.

Now, Quinlan had his doubts. He might not know the details of his bondmate's trauma but he knew Obi's soul-- no way was he capable of any real evil. Quin strongly suspected that if the full story came out, Jinn would bear the brunt of the blame. But on the other hand, Quinlan himself had been judged harshly by a number of Teaching Masters due to the circumstances of his childhood. The fact that he'd experienced his parents' deaths psychometrically was absolutely not his fault, but that hadn't stopped a bunch of prissy instructors who hadn't left the Temple since before Quin was born from loudly speculating that he would Fall before he was knighted. 

In Quinlan's case it had never amounted to more than nasty gossip, but Tholme was infamous for defending his child against all comers, physically, emotionally, or bureaucratically. What would have happened without his Master's support? Obi defended Jinn, not the other way around. If Obi's reputation got tarred and his own master seemed to be standing against him, would the facts even matter?

In the end, Quinlan was weak to his bondmate's pain. He'd never be able to do something that caused Obi-Wan so much fear, even if it was in Obi's best interest. If Obi wanted him to keep his mouth shut, he would, and he'd do his best to talk Tholme down too.

Bant was right-- if he tried to intervene he'd probably make the situation worse. However, he was going to make damn sure that Obi knew he had family outside his karked-up relationship with Jinn. They'd be waiting for him whenever he was ready.

As soon as he'd reached that heartwarming conclusion, Quinlan was jolted out of his meditation by a piercing metallic screech. Shipping containers in the poorly-loaded cargo hold were shifting as the old bucket of a ship lurched out of hyperspace. He needed to evacuate his hiding spot to avoid being crushed, and he also needed to prep for landing. It was almost time to rendezvous with his Master planetside and shut this operation down for good.

Quinlan folded up all his concern for Obi-Wan and stored it in a back corner of his mind to be dealt with at a more appropriate time. Right now, the freedom of dozens of trafficked beings was at stake and he refused to let them down.

* * *

As Obi-Wan dragged himself into the locker room for his first day of saber seminar, he had a bad feeling that he was going to embarrass himself. His whole body felt heavy and his head was full of wool. Most of his classmates had probably been training consistently in-Temple while he grabbed sporadic sparring sessions with his Master's mission partners in the courtyards of bombed-out palaces. 

_A Jedi knows not pride, Kenobi._ The gaps in his training were the reason he'd wanted to take this seminar in the first place. 

He yanked off his tabards and outer tunic. _Fuck, a week ago I was actually looking forward to this._ He tied his hair up in a knot. _A week ago, I wasn't minding the way I breathe for fear of destroying Qui-Gon's tenuous serenity._ He shoved his equipment bag into a locker with a hollow clang. 

Outside in the salle, his classmates were lining up for warmups. Obi-Wan took a spot near the back wall and scanned the room for anyone he knew. Out of sixteen students, three were new knights and the rest were senior padawans. They ranged in age from seventeen or eighteen to around 22. He recognized a couple of Quinlan's agemates: a Sullustan named Mar Pasq and a very fluffy Wookie called Nyaal. Obi-Wan hadn't spoken to them in over two years, so he doubted they'd remember him. Unfortunately, Bruck Chun's old friend Aalto was in the front row, and he absolutely would know who Obi-Wan was.

The first fifteen minutes of class went smoothly. Combat Instructor Carlath ran them through warmups and Form I katas and Obi-Wan was able to stay comfortably at the back of the room. Just when he began to think that he might escape without humiliating himself, though, Carlath announced that she would evaluate their strengths and weaknesses through a series of practice bouts. Two pairs of students at a time with the rest of the class observing... Obi-Wan thought he might be sick.

The first pairs of students were called to the floor. Naturally, Obi-Wan was among them-- his luck had been consistently awful for days, so of course when he needed a moment to compose himself, he didn't get it. He found himself facing a muscular Chalactan knight named Demi Malla. Aalto let out a derisive hoot.

 _I can't fight like this,_ Obi-Wan realized. _I'm so anxious about the audience that I'm going to trip over my own feet._ He screwed his eyes shut, counted backwards from five, and shoved his anxiety into the Force.

Carlath signalled the beginning of the match. Knight Malla immediately charged, trying to intimidate her younger, smaller opponent into dropping his guard. Obi-Wan had trained under Qui-Gon Jinn, though-- physical power didn't phase him. He sidestepped, forcing her to turn to strike at him; her considerable momentum made the change in direction sloppy. She was already off balance, so he capitalized upon that and lured her into overextending herself. 

Less than a minute after the start of the match, Malla hit the ground, _hard,_ with Obi-Wan's blade at her neck.

The pair of students to their left were still sparring, so Obi-Wan extinguished his blade and offered his own opponent a hand up. She accepted with a wry smile and they stepped quietly to the sideline to observe the other duel.

* * *

"I'd like Master Drallig to evaluate you himself."

That was all Master Carlath had said to Obi-Wan after the first round of duels. The other three students had received detailed feedback, but Obi-Wan was sent directly to the Battlemaster's office with a vague promise that Drallig would be expecting him. 

_Master Qui-Gon is never going to speak to me again,_ Obi-Wan mourned.

The door of the Battlemaster's office was propped open. Drallig was at his desk, watching something on an oversized datapad. As Obi-Wan approached, he identified it as a video of his duel with the young Chalactan knight. Master Carlath worked fast.

"Sit, Kenobi."

Obi-Wan dropped into the chair in front of Drallig's spartan desk. He fixed his gaze on the wood grain rather than meeting the Battlemaster's eyes.

"Padawan, look at me. You're not here to be disciplined."

Startled, Obi-Wan blinked up at Drallig. "I'm not?"

"No. You're here because Carlath doesn't know what to do with you."

"I'm sorry."

Drallig chuckled. "It's a good thing, Kenobi. Carlath specializes in senior padawans and young knights, and you're beyond the skill level she usually works with. We just need to figure out how your training should proceed since keeping you in the advanced seminar would be a waste of everyone's time."

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed. I have a few questions for you, since your training records are nearly blank from age 13 on. Then I'd like you to spar with me. That work for you?"

"Of course, Master Drallig." Obi-Wan was absolutely bewildered and in no state to argue.

"Good. Now, you took the beginner's seminar at fourteen while recovering from being--presumed dead? Huh. Anyways, you took the beginner's seminar at fourteen, the intermediate seminar at fifteen, and then disappeared from formal saber instruction entirely until forty-five minutes ago. Is that accurate?"

"Yes, Master."

"Ok. Master Jinn taught you independently in the interim?"

"Yes, he and, well-- yes, he did."

"Alright. Is Ataru still your primary form?"

"It is."

"Form IV is heavily offensive. Do you have a secondary defensive form?"

"Not really. Master Jinn is an Ataru purist. I've picked up bits and pieces from Jedi I trained with in the field, though."

"Teachable, then. Good. How's your unarmed combat?"

"I've finished the senior padawan training course, and I have a couple of regular sparring partners."

"Can you dual wield?"

"Yes, my Master taught me double-bladed Ataru. In the field I usually have a knife rather than a shoto, though."

"Hm. Any specialized abilities-- telepathy, prescience, that sort of thing?"

"No. I do have visions, but they don't affect me in combat."

"Is there anything else that I should be aware of?

"I don't think so, no."

Drallig looked skeptical at his last answer but didn't pursue it. "Alright. Ready to spar?"

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan was nervous, but the chance to spar with _the_ Battlemaster Drallig was too intriguing to pass up. When Drallig stood up and headed for the salle, Obi-Wan followed.

* * *

In a makeshift medical clinic on an Inner-Rim mudball, Quin's datapad pinged. He grabbed for it with his unbandaged arm, hoping for a message from his bondmate.

No luck. It was from his friend Nyaal, of all people, who usually only checked her messages if she was waiting for a mission assignment to come through.

**Quin,**

**Has anybody ever told you that your little redhead is scary? He was in advanced saber seminar with Mar and I this morning. Carlath had us all spar so she could evaluate us, and your boy put Knight Malla on the floor in under a minute. Then Carlath sent him over to Drallig's office and he disappeared for half an hour. Then, just as we were taking our water break, he reappeared with Drallig at the far end of the salle and they started sparring. And Quin, your boy actually held his ground against Drallig for a few minutes, and Drallig wasn't holding back at all! I have no words, just watch the video. You're welcome, by the way.**

**Nyaal**

There was a video attached and Quin thumbed it open. He watched Obi face down Drallig, dancing away from the Battlemaster's blade, hair flickering like a candle flame under the salle's florescent lights. Quin downloaded the video immediately, adding it to his stash of digital pick-me-ups next to the clip of Aayla's clan falling out of a handstand. This one deserved at least fifty watches, too. 

Pretty as the video was, though, it didn't stop him worrying about Obi. In fact, it only confused him further. Obi disappeared into his quarters for days, stopped answering his messages, avoided Bant, and then reappeared to get his ass kicked by Drallig? Force, Quin had never wanted to return to the Temple so badly.

 _Please,_ Quinlan begged the Force, _please keep him safe until I get back home._

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some good things happen to Obi for once.

Cin Drallig was usually one of Mace's favorite training partners: he had the skills to give Mace a good workout and there were seldom any Shatterpoints fixed on him. Therefore, when he walked into the training room with the makings of a migraine orbiting him, Mace felt a bit betrayed.

However, after a day of haggling with the Senate Budgetary Committee over the Order's construction and maintenance budget, Mace had frustration and nervous energy to burn off. Cin's Shatterpoints would have to wait.

Cin planted himself a few meters to Mace's left and started a methodical series of half-speed Soresu katas. Mace spared one last irritable glance in Cin's direction and then launched into his own warmup routine. 

They practiced in silence for a couple of minutes. Then, Cin opened his mouth.

"Are you familiar with Senior Padawan Kenobi?"

"I don't know him well, but he and his Master are frequently before the Council. Why?"

"He signed up for Carlath's seminar that began this week. Placed out of it on his first bout. She sent him to me for an eval. I took him out to the salle for a round, and Mace, the boy fights like a seasoned field knight. His training records are virtually blank, he genuinely seems to believe that he's a substandard duelist, and he looked at me like he expected me to eat him alive."

"And?"

"And I'm fairly sure he's prescient in some way. He's deep in the Unifying Force when he fights. It definitely felt like he was anticipating my attacks."

"Did he not tell you whether he was?"

"I don't think he's aware of it. He said that he has visions but that they don't affect him in a fight."

Mace saw where this was going. "You want a second opinion, don't you?"

"Precognition in combat and the Unifying Force are your specialties, not mine. He's joining Workshop B effective tomorrow, and I'd like you to keep an eye on him."

"If you're bringing a padawan into 'Shop B, you're going to get opinions from every Master on the roster and half the knights. It's been a while since we've had an apprentice and you know they're all going to dote on him."

"Between you and me, Mace, I think the kid could use a bit of doting."

Mace couldn't resist the lure of a promising young student and Cin knew it. As Mace agreed to assist Cin with his newest project, he swore he felt the strain from his friend's Shatterpoints ease.

* * *

If Obi-Wan was anxious about starting advanced saber seminar, walking into Workshop B had him petrified. The workshops weren't padawan training classes-- they were made up of the Order's most skilled warriors, learning from each other and innovating and keeping their skills sharp. 

There were three 'shops: A, for Jedi working with adapted saber forms, including those with physical disabilities and members of non-humanoid species; B, for Jedi with specialized Force abilities or post-traumatic stress; and C, for Jedi without adaptive training needs. A and B had roughly fifty members each, and C had one hundred divided into two cohorts. Admittance was at Battlemaster Drallig's discretion and padawans almost never qualified.

 _Well,_ Obi-Wan reasoned, _I've been a slave and a child soldier, so I have the trauma if not the talent. I'm not utterly out of place._

He edged out of the locker room and toward the back wall. The milieu of Jedi stretching and chatting included some intimidating figures, Counselors Tiin, Koon, and Koth among them. There were no more than thirty Jedi in the salle-- the rest of the cohort were presumably on missions.

The group began forming up in rows and Obi-Wan continued drifting toward the back. He thought he'd succeeded in joining the workshop inconspicuously but then a large hand landed on his shoulder and propelled him toward the middle of the room. His breathing became threadier as he realized that he was being manhandled by Councillor Mace Windu, Master of the Order.

"Welcome to 'Shop B, Padawan Kenobi." Windu parked Obi-Wan in the second row from the front, between himself and Councillor Koon. "Plo, you recognize Kenobi, he'll be joining us in workshop from now on."

"Congratulations young Obi-Wan," Koon rumbled. "This is quite an achievement for you."

Obi-Wan flushed. "Thank you, Councillor. I hope I do Master Jinn's teachings credit." He ducked his head and fidgeted with the hem of his tunic.

"You're not here to represent your Master or to be judged, Kenobi." Windu gave Obi-Wan a searching look. "No one expects you to be the best duellist in the Order at your first 'shop session. You're here because you will learn more by training with senior knights and masters than you would with your agemates. Now breathe."

Something in Obi-Wan's gut unwound a bit at Windu's brusque reassurance. Around them, Jedi were starting to notice Obi-Wan and his padawan braid. Quite a few faces lit up as the cohort realized that they had a new padawan to teach.

Battlemaster Drallig appeared at the front of the room and cleared his throat. "Alright. We have a new friend today-- Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi. Please try not to scare him off." He gestured toward Obi-Wan unnecessarily. A round of smiles and shallow bows ensued.

After a couple of administrative announcements, Drallig ignited his blade and signalled the beginning of warmup exercises. Obi-Wan had performed the fundamental Shi-Cho katas thousands of times with hundreds of different Jedi, but working through them alongside so many revered Masters was a revelation. The Force was profoundly calm and the presence of every individual Jedi melded together until the entire salle was a pool of Light. Obi-Wan's whole body was pleasantly warm and his heart ached with joy. 

_I wish Quin was here to feel this,_ Obi-Wan thought, as he usually did when he experienced something lovely. In the Light of such a powerful moving meditation, the block across the lifebond seemed small. Obi-Wan could feel the rightness of the bond; it was woven into the pattern of the Cosmic Force that connected all of time and space. The block was just a dam across a river. The river had flowed before the dam was built, it flowed in spite of the dam, and it would keep flowing long after the dam had washed away.

Obi-Wan emerged from the Shi-Cho exercises with his head clearer than it had been in days. The group meditation had pushed his anxiety back a bit, leaving him some room to think. Exercise helped, too-- for the rest of the training session he was passed back and forth between several Masters, sparring and performing advanced katas so that they could evaluate his skills. Some of his physical stress was chased out by endorphins. At the end of the session he was reluctant to leave the salle; his Master's quarters would be so grey and tense.

On the way back to the residential wing, Obi-Wan stopped at the Archives to check his messages on one of the public terminals. His thread with Quin contained a dozen new messages and they were so, so tantalizing. Quin and Tholme had been chasing sentient traffickers in the Rim and Obi-Wan longed to know whether his bondmate was safe. Just one click and he would know. His fingers twitched.

Qui-Gon still had access to all his accounts and devices through the confiscated datapad, though. He'd know which messages Obi-Wan had opened. _If he finds read receipts on Quinlan's messages, I might as well turn in my saber._

Obi-Wan scrolled through his inbox and found several more messages from Bant and Siri. They must have been so worried, Obi-Wan knew; Bant had come by Qui-Gon's quarters three times hoping to talk to him but he knew better than to bring a friend into the apartment when his Master was already angry. She would understand of course, but that didn't relieve the guilt.

Most of the warmth from training had already seeped out of him, but an ember of rebellion was still smouldering. He _had to_ contact his friends-- they didn't deserve to worry over Obi-Wan's mistakes. What he needed was a device and a messaging account that couldn't be traced back to his Order ID.

Obi-Wan eyed the datareaders on the library shelves. He wasn't the best programmer in the Order, but it wouldn't be hard to jailbreak a datareader and install a messaging app. Siri had taught him how to sneak readers out of the Archives without setting off the alarms. As junior padawans, they'd often swiped books that they weren't old enough to check out.

Logging out of his account on the public terminal, Obi-Wan marched into the stacks. Master Nu kept trashy fiction tucked away behind fifteen rows of obscure planetary histories, which was quite convenient for his current task. There was an especially awful bodice-ripper that had been on the bestseller lists last year; its Kiffar love interest was portrayed as a muscularly airheaded brute. Obi-Wan had taken exception to it for obvious reasons. If he needed to ruin a library book, it was going to be that one.

Having located his quarry, Obi-Wan knelt down on the floor of the aisle and pulled a multitool off his utility belt. He popped the back of the reader off and pried out the tracking chip that would set off the sensors at the Archives' doors. He slid the chip into the slot where the reader was supposed to be shelved. The reader itself went into his training equipment bag.

 _Now nobody else will read this trash,_ Obi-Wan thought with relish as he left the Archives. He was so, so tired of classmates asking him how well Quin's psychometric fingers _satisfied_ him. _Urgh._

Back at the apartment, Obi-Wan showered quickly and shut himself into his bedroom. He expelled his guilt and apprehension, reminding himself that if his Master inspected his room, he wouldn't object to a library datareader. Force knew Qui-Gon didn't have the technical aptitude to imagine other uses for the device.

The same could not be said of his apprentice. Obi-Wan had once prevented an armed insurrection by hacking a planetary election database and undoing the incumbent regime's vote tampering. On that occasion, he'd had Quinlan guiding him through the process via lifebond. Even without Quin, though, the datareader's security features didn't stand a chance. 

When the messaging app finished installing, Obi-Wan entered the login information for Quin's personal account. Qui-Gon might have access to Obi-Wan's devices, but he couldn't see messages that Quin sent to himself. Jedi who handled sensitive information maintained multiple accounts. Quin's Shadow accounts had twenty-character randomly-generated passwords, but his personal account password had been Obi-Wan's lifeday plus Aayla's favorite fruit for more than three years.

Obi-Wan scrolled through Quin's various message chains without reading them-- boundaries existed, even between bondmates-- until he found the thread labeled **_Freckles💘💋💍_ **. 

Quin really had sent him dozens of messages over the past week. The first few were sweet and Obi-Wan shuddered at the idea of his Master reading them. Then they evolved from slightly annoyed to concerned to frantic. Obi-Wan felt very loved and sick with guilt simultaneously. 

Backing out of his and Quin's messages, Obi-Wan created a new message addressed to the same account he was currently using. The next trick was to convince his favorite hypervigilant Shadow apprentice that he was who he said he was.

**Quin,**

**This is your bondmate. I've heard you call Master Saa 'mom' at least seven times and you already have Aayla's first silka beads for her Padawan Vows picked out and hidden with your hair beads.**

**Master found our messages on my datapad and he confiscated the pad and my comm. I'm restricted to quarters indefinitely except for training and he has barely spoken to me all week. I'm so sorry for worrying you. I'm writing this from a hacked library datareader so that he can't find it connected to any of my accounts.**

**Please keep messaging me like you have been-- if Master sees your messages to me stop suddenly he'll get suspicious. Also could you please let Bant and Siri know what's going on?**

**I love you and words can't say how sorry I am for dragging you into this mess.**

**Obi-Wan**

Message sent, Obi-Wan stuck the datareader inside his desk and headed to the kitchen to start dinner. By the time that the pasta was cooked and resting, Quinlan had already replied to 'himself.'

**Fuck, Obi, you don't even know how happy I was to find your message! Don't start apologizing. I want an apology from Jinn not you. NONE of this is your fault.**

**I just contacted Bant and Siri. You can message them from this account, I don't mind.**

**Please do whatever you can to stay safe. If Jinn gets too close to the edge please get a Master to help you. Or let me know, and I'll get Master Tholme on it.**

**I love you, I love you, I love you.**

**Quin**

Obi-Wan couldn't help it-- he burst into tears. He'd just been dealing with Qui-Gon for so long and he was so lonely with the bond blocked, and Quin always believed him and cared about him no matter what happened. 

It took ten minutes for Obi-Wan to cry himself out. Afterward, he lay limply on his bed for a little while, wrung out with a pounding head and a runny nose.

As he rolled over, the clock on his bedside table caught his eye. Almost seven o'clock. _Shit! He'll be home any minute!_

Stumbling up from the bed, Obi-Wan rushed to the bathroom. His Master couldn't find out that he'd been crying! He'd want to know why and he'd make Obi-Wan drop his shields to find out. Obi-Wan's mind was too disorganized for that right now. Master would see everything.

Obi-Wan splashed his face harshly with cold water to get rid of his splotchy red flush. It wasn't perfect but it would have to be good enough. He brushed his hair, straightened his tunic, and willed himself not to start hyperventilating. 

Out in the kitchen Obi-Wan put water on for tea and set the table. He plated up the pasta and put the pot in the sink to wash. He went back to his room to straighten up in there, too, for good measure. Just as he finished smoothing out his bedspread, he heard the front door open.

Master was home.


	5. Chapter 5

"Padawan," Qui-Gon intoned from across the table, "I have received a note from Master Windu requesting that you meditate with him tomorrow. Do you know why that is?"

"I have no idea Master. Did Master Windu say which meditation he wishes to practice?" Obi-Wan pushed his pasta around his plate listlessly, wondering what he had done to earn Windu's attention. Surely no one had discovered the datareader missing from the Archives. Obi-Wan had only taken it a few hours ago.

"No. Only that he wishes to study your connection to the Unifying Force outside the context of saber training."

"I see. Thank you for letting me know. Where am I to meet him, and at what time?"

"Windu requested your presence at 13:00 in meditation room 3648C."

"Thank you, Master. I will be there."

"I am concerned about this, Obi-Wan. First the saber workshops, now meditation with the Master of the Order-- your education is becoming unfocused."

"I do not neglect your teachings, Master. I only wish to expand upon the foundations you have built for me."

Qui-Gon sighed. "Remember to exercise caution. I know the care that must be taken in training you; there are many wise Masters in this order who are not familiar with your needs. If you are unsure whether a lesson is wise for you, please ask me."

"I will, and I thank you for your consideration." Obi-Wan wondered when his diplomatic manners had become necessary at his Master's kitchen table.

Qui-Gon grunted and finished his supper in silence.

* * *

The following afternoon, Mace found Senior Padawan Kenobi feigning serenity outside a third-floor meditation room. The boy was dressed in meticulously crisp cream linen but a bit of his tunic hem was limp from his unconscious twisting.

The bow that Mace received was very correct-- just deep enough to show respect without brownnosing or grovelling. It was odd to see Kenobi anywhere other than three steps behind Jinn's left shoulder. Outside his Master's shadow he seemed taller.

Mace punched his reservation code into the pad by the door. "In you go, Kenobi."

"Thank you, Master Windu."

As Kenobi passed him, Mace noticed that his braid was sparsely beaded. He'd looked up Kenobi's full records the night before and the boy was wearing far fewer decorations than he had earned.

Mace sank down on a cushion in a patch of sunlight and Kenobi followed his example. He closed his eyes for a moment to enjoy the warmth; he could feel the padawan watching him curiously, but as he opened his eyes again the boy hastily dropped his gaze.

"You did well in workshop yesterday, padawan. Drallig's decision to admit you was a good one."

"I am honored, Master Windu."

The kid seemed to become excruciatingly polite when he was uncertain. He'd been much more animated in the salle with his saber in his hand. "I called you here to talk to you about an observation I made while watching you spar. Are you aware that you foresee your opponents' movements?"

This question earned him a wide-eyed stare. "I don't, do I? I'm afraid my instincts have never been very accurate."

"You do. The Unifying Force warps in your immediate vicinity when you fight-- your perception of the Force dislocates from space-time very subtly."

"Wait, is that the disconnected, blurry feeling? It always feels like my physical senses are too slow. My vision and my hearing never quite match my perception of the Force when I wield my saber."

"Your physical senses are not slow; they show you the current moment while your Force sense slips ahead. With practice you will perceive both moments clearly and will not have to choose between them."

Kenobi lit up and forgot all about etiquette. "Teach me, please! I always thought that I was failing to stay in the moment, not perceiving two moments at once. How is it done?"

"Through extensive meditation, padawan. Untangling time-differentiated threads of the Unifying Force is a lifelong project; I still get twisted up by the dislocations if I'm not careful."

"It does feel like a tangle! It doesn't only happen when I'm sparring, either. I come out of my visions feeling like that and the Force seems to slip ahead of my other senses at random moments. Master despairs of me learning proper mindfulness."

_ Perfect,  _ Mace groaned.  _ He's apprenticed to Jinn. No wonder he didn't know about his precognition, his Master has a fundamentally different experience of time _ . Jedi who were biased toward the Living Force tended to immerse themselves in all the intricacies of the present and found future moments to be distant and abstract. Jedi who were biased toward the Unifying perceived patterns over great expanses of space and time; a few, like himself and Kenobi, actually slipped in and out of linear time through the Force. Kenobi had probably been trying to follow Jinn's teachings under the assumption that everything he was experiencing belonged to a single moment.

Mixed Living-Unifying partnerships like Jinn and Kenobi could be extremely powerful-- if Master and padawan were both open to learning from each other and the padawan received supplementary instruction from other Masters. Unfortunately, Jinn had become more stubborn and myopic with each loss he suffered. And increasingly allergic to mindhealers.

Well, if Jinn didn't want to teach the kid properly, Mace would. It sounded like Kenobi was dealing with active precognition in combat, episodic premonitions,  _ and  _ full-scale visions. Somebody had to help him sort that out.

"For us, mindfulness involves determining which experiences belong to the present and which belong to the past or future. Then we can choose to focus on a specific moment or monitor several at once. You may have been struggling because you attempted to focus on the present without first defining what the present  _ is." _

"Is that what shatterpoints are like for you? A lot of different moments all at once?"

"Yes, shatterpoints are tiny fragments of future moments, anchored at points in time where present decisions have the power to prevent them or make them inevitable. It is hard for me to mistake them for aspects of the present but I do have to spend time sorting through them. Otherwise they cause migraines."

"My visions give me migraines sometimes, too. Master has an herbal tea that he makes for me when it happens but it only helps a bit."

Mace chuckled. "No, herbal tea isn't quite a substitute for meditation I'm afraid. We'll find a practice that works for you."

"May we start now, please?"

"Yes, I think we can. Let us meditate, Obi-Wan."

* * *

Four nights later, Obi-Wan woke whimpering from a vision of Bant's death. His best friend had been surrounded by soldiers in white armor emblazoned with the insignia of the Jedi Medical Corps. They were helping Bant inventory a medical supply storeroom, chatting with her in dense healers' jargon.

Then, as one, the soldiers stiffened and drew their blasters and suddenly Bant was on the ground with half her head gone. Obi-Wan jerked awake with a mouthful of bile. The warmth of his covers felt unbearable so he fled to the living room sofa.

_ I'm ready for you this time,  _ he glared at the Force. He'd spent three sessions with Master Windu sorting through everything the Unifying Force shoved into his head. It was time to try out his new arsenal of mindfulness techniques.

He surfaced from his meditation after a few minutes with the feeling of being watched. In front of him stood a groggy Qui-Gon holding a teapot.

Obi-Wan smiled fondly. Master always did his best to help, even when he didn't really know how. "Thank you for bringing me tea, Master! I apologize for waking you."

Rather than grabbing his apprentice into a hug as he usually did, Qui-Gon set the teapot on the coffee table and loomed over Obi-Wan with a scowl. "What, exactly, were you doing, Obi-Wan?"

"Meditating, Master. Master Windu showed me some methods to work through visions and ground myself."

"And do those methods involve going deeper into the Unifying? Do not lie to me, I felt the disturbance in your Force signature."

"It wasn't a disturbance Master, it was mindfulness. I was working on being mindful like you always tell me to."

"I did not teach you to do that. I taught you to keep to the living moment. It is the only sure way for you to stay in the Light."

"Everything I learned from Master Windu is safe, Master, I promise."

A crazed light entered Qui-Gon's eyes and he staggered toward Obi-Wan. "That promise is not for you to make! You cannot know whether it is safe. You do not have the wisdom or the discipline to keep yourself out of the Dark. That is why you were entrusted to me by the Force and the Council." 

_ Oh no,  _ Obi-Wan realized,  _ he's been having night terrors about Xanatos again, Xanatos forsaking his Master for his corrupt royal father. _ "I won't Fall, Master! I swore it the day you took me on. I won't betray you like that!"

"Not betray me? You have deceived and resisted me at every turn. But I expected that. What I did not expect was for Councillors to begin interfering in your training, undermining my authority. They dilute your Ataru with other nonsense and teach you meditations that you are utterly unsuited for. Windu walks near the edge of the Dark and he may have the power and wisdom to do so, but you! By asking you to walk with him he drags you toward a Fall."

By this point Qui-Gon's breathing was ragged. Obi-Wan tried to reach out to him-- "Master, please, breathe"-- but his Master didn't seem to hear him.

"Perhaps they wish for you to Fall and discredit me. Perhaps they do not trust me after Xanatos and you are their test for me, to discover whether my teachings were at fault for the loss of a bright young soul. But I will not fail! No matter how you defy me, I will fulfill my vows!"

Obi-Wan curled himself tightly into the corner of the sofa as Qui-Gon's wild fear escalated. Force, what had he even been thinking, accepting lessons from other Masters? He knew how sensitive Qui-Gon could be, especially after everything with Quinlan.

"I will protect you, padawan," Qui-Gon promised fiercely. "I will protect you from the Dark, from yourself, and from everyone who might lead you astray." He reached out and cupped Obi-Wan's cheek. His eyes seemed to slide further out of focus. "I love you, Xani. You will be a great knight but I dread the day that I have to let you go."

"Love you too, Master," Obi-Wan whispered hoarsely. He watched Qui-Gon turn and amble back to his bedroom. The door thudded shut. Obi-Wan sat still for a long time, blinking into the dark.

* * *

**Quin,**

**I'm so scared. I think that Qui-Gon is hallucinating. He was terrified because he found me doing a meditation that Windu taught me and he ranted about how he's the only teacher who can keep me from Falling. Then he touched my face and called me 'Xani' and said 'I love you.' Force, what is a padawan meant to do when their Master mistakes them for a fallen former apprentice? I need to get him to a mindhealer but I have no idea how to do that.**

**Tonight I had an awful vision of Bant's death. That's why I was meditating in the first place. I can't get her empty eyes out of my mind. I want to prevent it from happening but I have no idea how or when or why it will happen. I'm so helpless to help either her or Qui-Gon and I hate it so much. Force I wish you were here.**

**Love you, always.**

**Obi**

* * *

"I'm sorry, padawan." 

Qui-Gon looked haggard in his tatty dressing gown and unbrushed hair. Obi-Wan gave him a tired smile. "Here, sit and have some porridge."

Qui-Gon nodded his thanks. "I'm afraid I didn't treat you very well last night. I dreamed about Xanatos again and when I saw you in the living room I don't think I was certain which of you I was speaking to. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course, Master. We were both tired and neither of us was at our best."

"You are too good to me, little one."

"Would you, by any chance...uh, well, I think talking with a mindhealer might do us both good."

"Obi-Wan, you know my feelings on that subject. Why do you still bring it up?"

"I apologize, Master, it was just a thought."

"Well, we don't have time for it now anyway. There's a mission brief in my inbox-- Laryt II, we're meant to read the background on it before we meet with the Council today at 1730. I will lend you my pad after breakfast; I must go and meditate for a while."

"Thank you, Master." Obi-Wan felt his guts fill with lead. Qui-Gon would be a liability on any mission in his current emotional state, and Laryt II-- that wasn't 'any mission.' The conflict raging in the Larytine system had been in the news for months; a five-sided sectarian civil war had devolved into genocide. The victims were broadcasting the violence all over the holonet in hopes of Republic intervention but so far every envoy had been massacred by the ruling faction.

After Qui-Gon left the table, Obi-Wan took his datapad and opened the briefing package. Apparently the ruling faction had, under threat of invasion by Republic coalition forces, agreed to open cease-fire negotiations under Jedi supervision. It was a critical opportunity, Obi-Wan knew; if negotiations failed the Senate would have to order boots on the ground or lose credibility with the regime.

It was the sort of mission that Qui-Gon's skill-set was ideal for but it would require perfect communion with the Force. Qui-Gon's Force presence had been murky and grey for weeks. If they missed a cue from the Force because of their fractured partnership or shaky mental health, millions could die.

If Qui-Gon was unfit for the mission, it was Obi-Wan's duty to communicate that to the Council. That would require him to explain precisely what was wrong with his Master and answer all the questions that the Counsellors put to him. Qui-Gon would argue against him, likely dragging out all the reasons that Obi-Wan's judgement was suspect. 

Obi-Wan _could_ keep his mouth shut and allow Qui-Gon to accept the mission. Qui-Gon was one of the best diplomats in the order; they might complete the mission successfully in spite of their recent difficulties. No secrets from Obi-Wan's past needed to be unearthed.

Obi-Wan giggled nauseously at his predicament. What other Jedi apprentice had ever been forced to choose between the possible deaths of millions and the near-certainty of expulsion from the Order?

Normally he'd ask Quin for advice, but that wouldn't help him now. Quin didn't understand-- he insisted that nothing Obi-Wan had done could have been bad enough to warrant excommunication. Obi-Wan had been too selfish to tell him the truth. He wanted so badly for his bondmate to love him and he couldn't bear to see the look on Quin's face if he found out what Obi-Wan had done.

_ Oh Force, what am I going to do? _


	6. Chapter 6

Plo sidled up to Mace during a water break. "I am concerned about young Obi-Wan. He feels heavy in the Force. Despondent."

Mace propped his foot on the bench to adjust the boot buckle that had been pinching him all afternoon. "I'd be despondent too if I'd just gotten orders to Laryt. Damn shitshow. Senate refuses to let us get involved until the death toll is already in the hundreds of thousands, threatens to start a war, realizes that they don't actually want a war, and dumps the whole mess on the Order."

"Do you believe that Jinn and Obi-Wan are the wisest choice for the mission?"

"You know I don't. That child needs a good night's sleep, not a civil war. But Yoda wants to send Jinn, and as goes Yoda, so goes the Council."

"Hmm. Everything about this situation worries me." Plo returned his bottle to the bench with an eloquent thunk.

Mace returned to the floor in search of Obi-Wan, determined to corral him into a practice bout and figure out what had him so preoccupied. "Kenobi! With me. Open spar but half speed to exaggerate the precog time gap."

"Yes, Master." The boy followed Mace's orders with discipline but without enthusiasm.

Mace let them spar in silence for a couple of minutes before he started to prod. "Something on your mind, padawan?"

"Just the Laryt briefing this evening, Master. The situation is disturbing."

"It is. Has your Master talked about it with you?"

"Only briefly. He was meditating in the gardens all morning so I prepared a summary for him in case he doesn't have time to read the entire briefing package."

"I hope you've taken some meditation time for yourself, too."

"Workshop has been really good for that, actually. The Force is calm and focused with so many Masters practicing."

"Good. How are you feeling about the mission?"

"A bit scared, honestly, and trying to work through it. The number of lives that could depend on our actions is staggering."

"It's good that you are being honest about your fear. This isn't a situation to approach with repressed emotions."

Kenobi snorted sardonically. "No, it really isn't." 

"If you have any concerns about the mission,  _ please  _ bring them up with the Council tonight. We want to help you prepare for this as best we can."

"I will, Master. I will."

* * *

Obi-Wan left the salle with his mind made up. All throughout warmups, the Force had swirled around him whispering,  **_Tell them. Tell them._ ** His conversation with Master Windu had only strengthened his resolve.

Now he had an hour and a half to locate his Master, make sure that Qui-Gon was dressed and presentable, and get cleaned up himself. He ruthlessly compartmentalized fear and regret; if he could only be a Jedi for a few more hours, he would not waste those hours on self pity.

Qui-Gon was in his favorite spot in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, playing idly with a school of minnows in a shallow pool and soaking in the vitality of all the flora and fauna. He still hadn't brushed his hair.

Obi-Wan paused to appreciate the moment-- it was lovely to be beside Qui-Gon among so many growing things. Then he addressed his companion. "Good afternoon, Master."

"Padawan. Was there something you needed?"

"We're meant to meet with the Council at 1730 and it's just past 1600 now. Will you come up to the apartment to dress and review the briefing package?"

"I will. What will I do when you're knighted, little one? I might never make a meeting on time again."

_ When I'm knighted.  _ Obi-Wan felt a sob rise in his throat and shoved it back down.

_ Joy. Peace. Gratitude. _

__ He offered Qui-Gon a hand up and steered him toward the lifts.

* * *

There was a reply from Quin waiting on the datareader in his room.

**Sweetheart,**

**You need to find another Master to help you,** **now** **. Do you need me to talk to Tholme? You know he'd be happy to help. Master Saa too. This is so far beyond anything a padawan should have to deal with. Neither you nor Jinn is safe right now. He needs medical help.**

**Please check in occasionally so that I know you're okay. And let me know if there's anything Master and I can do to help. We're only doing cleanup from our operation now, so just say the word and we'll be on our way home. Also, go give Bant a hug, it'll make you both feel better.**

**Love you, forever, no matter what.**

**Quin**

Forever. No matter what.  _ Fuck, I hope that's true. _

**Quin,**

**You're right. I'm getting help. Don't worry about me, everything's going to be alright now. I love you.**

**Obi**

Message sent, Obi-Wan headed to the washroom. He showered and brushed his hair out, leaving his braid undone. Each layer of tunics went on carefully, calmly. He collected up his brush and his beads and went to find Qui-Gon.

His Master was also showered and dressed, thankfully. They had a little bit of time left. "Master? Would you mind doing my braid for me?"

Qui-Gon beckoned him over to the sofa. "What brought this on? We haven't done this in years."

"Just nervous about the mission I guess."

"Don't be. We'll get through it-- we always do." Qui-Gon picked up the first bead. "The Master, the Padawan, and the Force."

They sat in the gentle quiet for a few minutes as Qui-Gon twisted together two and a half feet of copper hair and beads. If he closed his eyes, Obi-Wan could almost believe that he was fifteen again. That had been a good year.

When the braid was finally tied off, Qui-Gon gave it an affectionate tug and stood from the couch. "Come, padawan, let us see what new torments the Council has in store for us today."

* * *

Quinlan was panicking over a message from his bondmate yet again. This one just said "everything's going to be alright now," and Quin had no idea what that meant.

"Master!"

"What, Quinlan?"

"Another message from Obi. Makes no sense."

Tholme strode across the police precinct to read over his padawan's shoulder. He grimaced. "Grab your bag and let's go. There's nothing left here that we can't deal with over holocall."

Quinlan certainly wasn't arguing. He snagged his field kit and followed Tholme, who was on his way to their ship with the sort of urgency he normally reserved for terrorist attacks. Tholme would deny it until he had half a pint of whiskey in him, but he loved Obi-Wan like his own child.

Apparently he and Tholme had run out of patience with Qui-Gon Jinn's bullshit at exactly the same time.

* * *

The walk to the Council Chamber was long and surreal. Obi-Wan felt like he was watching himself through a holovid screen. His heart was thumping  **_last time, last time, last time._ **

Last time walking to the Council Chambers with Qui-Gon. Last time at a mission briefing with his Master. Last time together in this room, in that hallway, on those stairs.

_ Stop it, _ he scolded himself.  _ No melodrama. _

They sat together on one of the hard wooden benches in the Council antechamber. Inside the folds of his robe, Obi-Wan took his saber off his belt and held it in his hands. He closed his eyes and felt the friendly hum of his crystal, a little piece of his soul outside his body.  _ Goodbye, old friend,  _ he told it. It pulsed mournfully.  _ No, none of that. We serve the Force as the Force wills.  _ The crystal shuddered in protest and he sent a wave of comfort toward it. It settled.

"Padawan? It is time." 

Obi-Wan stood and followed his Master into the chamber. The full Council was present-- not a surprise given the severity of the Laryt situation. He took his place by Qui-Gon, a step to the left and two steps back.

"The Council will come to order," Master Windu announced. "We are convened to discuss the conflict in the Larytine system and the negotiations that Master Jinn and Senior Padawan Kenobi will conduct on Laryt II. Master Jinn, having reviewed the briefing materials, what is your assessment?"

"It is a grave crisis. We must balance sensitivity to the diverse religious practices involved with the urgency of the mounting death toll. We cannot afford missteps."

"Which of the High Tribunal leaders do you expect to be most cooperative?" Councillor Piell had his datapad and stylus poised for note taking.

"In these situations, members of the ruling regime are most cooperative when motivated by economic or legalistic concerns rather than dogma. Those are the leaders who will allow for early breakthroughs."

Obi-Wan nearly groaned aloud. Clearly, Qui-Gon hadn't even read Obi-Wan's summary of the briefing materials. His Master sounded like a padawan who hadn't studied for his intermediate diplo midterm.  _ Although most padawan consulars could name a few members of the Larytine High Tribunal just from watching the newsfeeds. Why do I even try? _

The Council seemed to agree with Obi-Wan. Assorted huffs and grumbling broke out among the Masters. Only Yoda remained serene.

Councillor Piell turned his attention to Obi-Wan. "Padawan Kenobi. Do you have any thoughts on the High Tribunal?"

This was a subtle slight to Qui-Gon-- the Master hadn't been able to answer the question to the Council's satisfaction and they expected better from the apprentice. And judging from the affronted look on Qui-Gon's face, he knew it.

Obi-Wan was too frustrated and anxious to care. "Yes, Councillor Piell. While all members of the ruling junta belong to the Maar'a sect devoted to the goddess Lew'a, there are small but significant differences in their religious practices that influence their sentiment toward other Maar'a sects. Two High Elders actually maintain secondary allegiances to the goddess Riw'a as a result of intermarriage between sects-- Elder Vylt and Elder Ularyd. Due to their religious and ethnic ties, I expect these Elders to be most amenable to a ceasefire."

Piell and Koth were both scribbling on their pads. Councillor Billaba regarded Obi-Wan thoughtfully. "I was not aware of this variation in religious practice. Is this common knowledge in the sector?"

"I believe that the High Elders with secondary allegiances are fairly discreet about it, but it's not a state secret. I discovered it while doing some reading on the Maar'a deities this morning."

Billaba nodded approvingly. "It is a valuable discovery. Master Jinn, do you agree with your padawan's reasoning?"

"Yes. His judgement is good in this case."

"Yet you seem dissatisfied," Councillor Koon rumbled. "What is the reason for your unrest?"

"I am simply startled to be hearing of my padawan's research for the first time in the Council Chamber."

"Is this true, young Kenobi?"

"I do not know, Councillor Koon. I included the information in the summary I prepared for my Master this morning, but we were apart for most of the day so I am unsure whether he had a chance to read it."

Councillor Koth frowned. "Master Jinn, what kept you so busy today that you were unable to read your padawan's summary of the Laryt briefing package?"

"Out of line, you are, Master Koth. Master Jinn's time, his own, it is."

"With all due respect, Grandmaster, I don't believe that I am out of line. Master Jinn's preparedness for the mission is of utmost concern to this Council."

"Prepared he is. Many years of experience he has. Unequalled, his skills in diplomacy are."

"If he hasn't read so much as a summary of the briefing, he is  _ not  _ prepared."

_ "Enough,"  _ Master Windu boomed. "Yoda, your objection is overruled. Jinn's background knowledge is relevant. Jinn, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"That I will have ample time to study during the flight to Laryt II, and that my exceedingly well-informed padawan will assist me throughout the mission. I have spent the day preparing for the mission in other ways-- calming my emotions and strengthening myself in the Force through meditation."

This elicited even more grumbles from the Councillors. Sensing an opening, Obi-Wan breathed through the tightness in his chest and addressed Master Windu. 

"May I be permitted to speak, Master Windu?"

"Granted, Kenobi."

Another shaky breath. Obi-Wan felt like he was floating above his body and the Chamber looked a little fuzzy.  _ Courage, Kenobi.  _ "My Master is not fit for this mission."

Absolute silence in the Chamber.

"Why do you say that, padawan?" Windu gave him a tiny, encouraging Force nudge.

"Recent difficulties in our Master-padawan relationship have exacerbated his unstable mental health to the point that he requires medical care."

"Why do you believe that medical treatment is necessary?" Windu aimed a quelling look at his colleagues, making it clear that he was the one conducting the interview.

"For nearly two months, Master Jinn has seldom eaten or bathed without my intervention. When his Force presence is less shielded than it is now, it is very grey and turbulent. Last night, one of my visions woke both of us; at first he spoke to me coherently but then his eyes became unfocused and he began speaking to me as if I were his late Fallen apprentice."

_ "Padawan,"  _ Qui-Gon broke in. "Our conversations in our quarters in the middle of the night are  _ private,  _ not Council business!"

"And normally I would agree, Master, but this particular conversation convinced me that for you to take on this mission would be unsafe. Neither my privacy nor yours is more important than the success of ceasefire negotiations that could save millions of lives!"

"To your Master, speak with more respect you should, young padawan. Correct he is; his privacy you have violated."

Master Windu looked like he wanted to hit Yoda with his own stick. "Masters Yoda and Jinn are  _ not  _ correct and will not speak until I invite them to do so. You have done well to bring your concerns about your Master's wellbeing to this Council, padawan. I would like a mindhealer to evaluate Jinn before we proceed. All in favor of this--"

Qui-Gon growled. "This is uncalled for! My padawan is resentful that I forbade him from a romantic relationship and it skews his judgement where I am concerned. I do not need a mindhealer, I need an obedient apprentice."

"Force lend me strength," Windu muttered. "Kenobi, is this true?"

"It is partially true. When I was fourteen, I formed a natural lifebond with Senior Padawan Quinlan Vos. After Master Tahl passed into the Force, my Master in his grief decided that the lifebond would cause me to Fall; he blocked it off and forbade me from seeing Vos outside of training. 

"I was conflicted: the Force continued to pull me toward Vos, urging me to be with him, and the blocked bond caused both me and Vos physical pain. However, I wished to obey my Master and spare him the pain and fear of observing my romance. 

"Without my Master's knowledge, I carried on a relationship with Vos until about a week and a half ago. Then he found my messages to Vos on my personal datapad. He was very hurt by my deception. This caused his emotional state to decline further. My assessment of his emotional state is not colored by resentment."

"Jinn," Windu ground out, "your padawan had a spontaneous lifebond and you  _ blocked it?" _

"I was within my rights to do so. A Master has authority over his student's relationships and there is no exception to the rule for lifebonds."

"Because there has never needed to be.  _ Because nobody has ever been stupid enough to try to block a lifebond before!" _

"Kinder to my grandpadawan you should be. Judgement, poor it may have been, but good his intentions were."

Windu swore under his breath. "Alright, Master Jinn, what  _ were  _ your intentions? Why did you feel the need to block your child's lifebond?"

"Obi-Wan is prone to attachment and rash decisions. I did not wish to see him endanger his future knighthood over a romance."

Obi-Wan was suddenly very tired of secrets and lies. "No, Master. That was not the reason you blocked my lifebond. You told me that it was to save me from making the same mistakes you did, specifically referring to the fact that after Tahl died, you came within centimeters of beheading the man who killed her. You were incredibly close to Falling on New Apsalon, I had to drag you back into the Light, and since then you've been convinced that romantic love is a slippery slope to the Dark."

"And why," Master Windu gritted at Qui-Gon, "Is the Council only finding out about this now?"

"I was selfish and scared," Obi-Wan inserted before Qui-Gon could reply. "After Melida-Daan, Master Jinn's silence was the only thing keeping me in the Order, and I wanted so, so badly to be a Jedi. I have always known that any investigation into Master Jinn's mental health or teaching methods would uncover the truth about Melida-Daan so I've lied by omission to protect my future in the Order."

Obi-Wan had always thought that when this moment came, he'd be terrified. But as he prepared to throw away his future, he felt oddly powerful. Nobody could take his place in the Order from him-- he was willingly sacrificing it for the second time in five years. With adrenaline pounding through his veins, he forged on.

"Master Jinn never believed that I had died on Melida-Daan. He left the planet knowing that I was alive. He was worried about Master Tahl's injuries; I was overwhelmed by the suffering of the Young. He wished to take Tahl back to the Temple immediately and I felt I had a duty to help the child soldiers, and we argued. 

"I was torn between obedience to my Master and the will of the Force; in my panic, I drew my lightsaber on Master Jinn. After a few seconds I realized what I had done and regretted it deeply. Master Jinn told me that if I stayed on the planet, I would no longer be a member of the Order. I chose to stay. 

"Six months later, Master Jinn brought me back to the Temple and offered me another chance as his apprentice. Since then I have stayed here at his mercy. I accept any consequences that the Council deems appropriate; I know that I betrayed Master Jinn and the entire Order on Melida-Daan and that my lies have only compounded the offense. I apologize, Masters, for everything."

Obi-Wan drew his saber from his robes and placed it at Master Windu's feet. Then he returned to his position behind Master Jinn and closed his eyes, waiting for judgement. The adrenaline had burned itself out and Obi-Wan was empty and still inside. His duty was done.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: brief mention of rape and violence near the end of the chapter. If you want to skip it, it's the text that's struck through. The gist of it is that Quin remembers picking up a bad Melida-Daan memory with his psychometry.

No one moved for almost a minute after Obi-Wan finished speaking. The air hummed with the energy of a dozen Masters communicating frantically over telepathic bonds. Then, Master Windu picked up Obi-Wan's saber from the floor and polished a little dust off the hilt with a corner of his robe. He rose from his chair and crossed the floor to stand in front of Obi-Wan.

"Padawan Kenobi," he murmured, "there is a lot of blame to be shared in this chamber, but none of it is yours. You will face no censure." 

Windu took one of Obi-Wan's numb hands in his own and gently, painfully gently, placed the saber on its owner's palm. Obi-Wan blinked at him in deep confusion.

"The Force shows us your honesty. I strongly suspect that when the paperwork from this mess is completed, you will be wearing a new Citation for Meritorious Conduct for the courage you have displayed in the past few minutes."

As Windu returned to his seat, Councillor Koon elaborated. "Under the circumstances of a normal apprenticeship, some of the choices you made over the past five years would require reprimand. However, when a padawan must choose between obedience to the Master and obedience to the Force, there can be no fault on the part of the student. We do not reprimand you for doing what you could in untenable situations. We do commend you for serving the Order honorably throughout your ordeal."

Internally, Obi-Wan was struggling against a deep sense of unreality. Externally, though, years of diplomatic training asserted themselves: he reattached his saber to his belt, hid his trembling hands in his sleeves, and bowed gracefully to Masters Windu and Koon. "Thank you for your consideration, Councillors. I am honored. Will Master Jinn and I be taking the Laryt mission?"

Windu shook his head. "I move to dismiss Jinn and Kenobi from the mission to Laryt II. All in favor?"

Every Councillor raised their hand. "In that case, Master Rancisis, please check which Master Consulars are available for assignment. We will postpone our discussion of the Laryt mission until the Jinn/Kenobi issue is handled." Rancisis nodded his agreement.

Windu returned to the most pressing issue. "I move to open a formal investigation into the fitness of Qui-Gon Jinn to train a padawan. All in favor?" Once again, every Councillor raised their hand, even a rather wilted Yoda.

Qui-Gon emitted a sound like he'd been punched in the stomach. His face was waxy with the shock of the past few minutes. Obi-Wan's heart ached for his Master. He wanted to reach out in comfort but knew better than to disrupt the Council at this tense moment.

Windu ignored Qui-Gon entirely. "Master Yaddle, please explain how the investigation will proceed."

"I shall do so. The Training Oversight Office shall conduct this investigation. I am the High Council's liaison to that office; other investigators shall include those Master Educators who work with that Office as well as consultant healers. Master and padawan shall have no contact with each other until the end of investigation. Kenobi may take a temporary room in the padawan dormitories or stay with a knight or Master of his choice.

"First, assessed Master and padawan both shall be by mindhealers. We shall learn the effect of the apprenticeship upon the padawan. We shall learn the emotional stability of the Master and how health and trauma drive behavior. Examined the padawan shall be by a general practitioner for physical signs of abuse or neglect.

"Then, interviewed both Master and padawan shall be. This Council accepts as true those things that Kenobi has told in this meeting, in accordance with the counsel of the Force, but detailed narratives must be officially recorded. Comment by those who know Master and padawan well shall be solicited also at this time.

"Finally, the Training Oversight Office shall determine the safest and healthiest outcome for padawan and Master both. If the padawan remains under the Master's tutelage, there must be intensive supervision by healers and Master Educators. If Master is assessed to be wholly unfit, a new Master for the padawan shall be identified by the Office in consultation with the padawan. The conclusions of the Office shall be adopted and mandated by this Council as orders.

"Mental health treatment may be recommended for Master and padawan at the conclusion of investigation. This Council shall adopt and mandate these recommendations also as orders. This Council shall assign disciplinary sanctions upon the Master at the conclusion of investigation if such are appropriate in consideration of all factors and circumstances."

"Thank you, Master Yaddle. Do you have any questions or concerns, Padawan Kenobi?" Windu's face was creased with stress but he spoke kindly to Obi-Wan.

"The lifebond, Masters?"

"The block upon it must be removed as soon as possible," Councillor Koon replied with conviction. "Vos and Tholme will be recalled to the Temple immediately and the block will be removed by a team of mindhealers once they arrive."

This information pierced through the confused static in Obi-Wan's head. The block was going to be removed _soon_ \-- _years_ earlier than he'd ever dreamed. His cheeks dimpled a little at the prospect of it. "May I have a comm to call Quinlan, please?"

"Of course you may, young one, but what has happened to your own?" Councillor Koon's tone was fond.

"My Master confiscated it along with my personal datapad."

Master Windu groaned aloud. "Jinn, give the boy his comm and his pad back. No, actually, just tell us where you put them so that Kenobi can retrieve them when he collects his things from your quarters."

"The bottom drawer of my desk, among my research materials." The words were a hoarse mumble.

 _"Thank_ you." Windu was rubbing his temple in agitation. "Alright, Jinn, report immediately to the Halls for a psychiatric intake. That is an order. Adi, please make sure he gets there. Plo, escort Padawan Kenobi to his quarters to pack a bag, please. Obi-Wan, pack a week's worth of necessities, call your bondmate, and relocate to your choice of temporary quarters. Oppo, alternate candidates for the Laryt mission. Yaddle, you know what to do. We will reconvene in an hour to sort out the Laryt situation. Council adjourned."

* * *

Mace followed Depa out of the Chamber, boiling with anger. His former padawan wrapped her hand around his bicep and steered him toward the nearest meditation room. They settled on the floor facing each other.

"Talk to me, Master."

"I'm angry at myself mostly. I've known for years that Jinn's trauma was an issue, but I've been assuming that if it became an urgent problem I'd know. It was more comfortable than questioning the efficacy of our institutions or trying to call Yoda on his attachments. And now we know that two padawans have been in pain the whole time."

"Don't give yourself too much credit, Mace. Your bad decisions weren't enough to create this mess. The whole Council has been looking right past the problem."

"And yet, the anger is still there."

"I know. I feel it too. I want to jam my saber through a wall but that wouldn't solve anything. I'm sublimating it into a list of reforms to shove down the Council's throats, if you'd like to contribute."

"I absolutely would. What's on your list so far?"

"Requiring padawans to file separate confidential reports on high risk missions. Psychological screenings for Masters on a regular basis. Prohibiting severance or blocking of padawans' lifebonds, and requiring natural lifebonds to be registered when they form rather than when they are formally consecrated."

"I want term limits on Council seats. Twenty years or so. Prevent power from getting so concentrated in the future."

"I'll second that."

"You have learned your Vapaad principles well, Depa. Anger into positive action."

"I may not like the forms much in the salle but the principles are useful after bad Council sessions. Should I plan to help you teach them to a little brother soon?"

"We'll see. Investigation findings first. Though I do intend to offer for him if he's taken away from Jinn."

"Of course you do. Smart as he is, with the prescience and the dimples?"

"The dimples have no bearing on my decision."

"Of course they don't." 

"Depa."

"Just let me know when you need me to clear my boxes out of your spare room."

"Fifteen years ago would have been ideal."

"Now you're just being unreasonable." Depa closed her eyes decisively and dived into the Force, signalling to her former Master that the conversation was over. 

Mace huffed. Twenty-five years down the line, she still always got the last word.

* * *

His vibrating comm startled Quinlan out of a pile of trafficking victims' affidavits. He fumbled it onto the galley counter of his Master's threadbare old transport and answered it, expecting a return call from a victims' advocacy group.

Instead, he was greeted by forlorn blue eyes and freckles. 

"Quin?"

"Obi! Oh Force! Are you alright? Is it safe for you to be calling me?"

"I'm... safe. Master Plo is with me and he helped me find my comm. Quin, they're investigating Qui-Gon and I have to stay somewhere else until it's over."

Quin sucked in a breath. "Investigating? Baby, what happened?" It was about time Qui-Gon's teaching got investigated, but he was worried about what had precipitated it.

"The Council wanted to assign us to ceasefire talks on Laryt and there was no way that Qui-Gon could handle that right now so I told the Council that he's unfit and then everything about the lifebond and New Apsalon and Melida-Daan came out. And somehow they're not expelling me, I don't really understand-- I told them that I drew my saber on my Master and left the Order and they commended me for serving honorably?"

A pit opened in Quinlan's stomach. "Drew your saber and left the order? On Melida-Daan? Wait, does that mean he knew you were alive and he _left you there?"_

Obi just gave a dry sob. Master Koon stepped into range of the holo and wrapped an arm around Obi's shoulders. "Good evening, Padawan Vos. As we understand it, Jinn wished to return immediately with Master Tahl and Obi-Wan felt called by the Force to help the Young. They argued; Obi-Wan panicked and drew his weapon but quickly extinguished it; Jinn warned him that if he stayed with the Young, he would lose his place in the Order; and Obi-Wan followed the will of the Force as he understood it and stayed behind when Jinn returned to the Temple. The whole incident was clearly precipitated by Jinn's failure to protect and guide his very young student."

Quinlan felt himself losing hold of his temper and he grabbed for his Master along the training bond. Tholme materialized at his side and extended a tendril of serenity to his apprentice and it was just enough to keep Quin from screaming aloud.

"Good evening Plo, Obi-Wan. Quinlan, what happened?"

He shoved an explanation at his Master through the training bond, not knowing what would come out of his mouth if he opened it. He felt Tholme's fury flare to match his own.

Thankfully, his Master had many years of experience dealing with the worst that sentient beings had to offer, so his self control held. "This investigation is a long time coming. I will prepare my statement for the investigators. Obi-Wan, you are always welcome in our quarters, whether we are in Temple or not."

Obi-Wan gave a grateful little smile. Master Plo patted his shoulder fondly before addressing Tholme and Quinlan. "There is also the matter of the blocked lifebond which must be repaired as soon as possible. The Council instructs you to return to the Temple immediately. Do you need another team to take over your current assignment?"

"We do not, but thank you. We are already underway-- we left the planet two hours ago when my padawan received a concerning message from Obi-Wan. Our assignment can be completed via holocall."

"Excellent. Once you arrive, please go to the Halls at your earliest convenience. The psychiatric clinic had been apprised of the situation."

"Understood. We should arrive in about seven hours, so we will get a little sleep and visit the healers after breakfast. Obi-Wan, get yourself settled in Quin's room and we'll see you in the morning. Let's give the boys a moment alone, Plo."

"Indeed. Have a safe trip, Tholme, Quinlan." Both Masters stepped out of frame, leaving slightly calmer padawans to finish their conversation.

Quinlan reined in his anger at Jinn-- he needed to be calm and gentle with his bondmate right now. He would process his anger during the remainder of the flight home.

"Quin? I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about Melida-Daan before. Are you very angry with me?"

"I'm not angry at you, sweetheart. You aren't obligated to tell me about all the bad things that have ever happened to you. I love to hear what you do share with me, but it's your choice what to share and when."

"You're not upset about me betraying the Order?"

"You call it betrayal, I call it trying your best to follow the Force in an impossible situation."

"I wish I could believe that. Everyone else seems to."

"Take your time. You've got a lot of emotional shit to deal with and nobody expects you to deal with it overnight."

"You're too good to me, love."

"Nope. Exactly as good to you as you deserve. Whatever happens, Obi, I'll be right there with you."

"Mmh. I love you so much."

"Love you more. You excited about getting the bond fixed tomorrow?"

"Force, yes. It seems too good to be true."

"Wish I was home already so we could go get it done now. And so I could give you a good kiss. I haven't gotten my hands on you in so long."

"Quinlan! Master Koon is just on the other side of the door!"

"What? I meant cuddling, get your mind out of the gutter, Kenobi."

"You like my mind in the gutter."

"Oh absolutely. You come up with the best ideas. In twelve hours or so you'll be able to pipe them straight into my head."

Obi's eyes lit up. The mischievous spark was adorable. _Mission accomplished_. Now Obi had something more pleasant to think about until Quin could deliver that kiss.

* * *

After he got off the comm with Obi, Quinlan flopped down on his bunk and let the teasing smile drop. His mind kept skittering away from what he'd just learned--he didn't want it to be true-- but he forced himself to look squarely at it.

Obi-Wan's Master had deliberately left him in the middle of a civil war. Jinn had known for six months that his thirteen-year-old was fighting a guerrilla campaign with an army of child soldiers, and he'd let it happen. And Obi-Wan had been living with that for years.

Quin remembered the Obi he first met four years ago, less than a year after Melida-Daan. Obi had been small for his age and still too thin from half a year at war. His clear pale eyes had been much too big for his face but Quin had taken one look at them and everything inside of him had gone _yes,_ **_there_ ** _you are_. 

Quinlan had been struggling with the death of his grandmaster-- struggling with the concept of death in general, honestly-- and Obi had just listened and not tried to correct him or quote the Old Masters at him. Quin might have fallen a little bit in love just for that.

Somehow, Qui-Gon Jinn had looked at that child, seen betrayal, and left him to die. Obi-Wan had stood in the middle of hell and watched his Master walk away. The little ball of freckles that Quin had bonded with during the Stark Hyperspace Conflict had chosen to give up his future and his loved ones and the only home he'd ever known because children were dying. 

Over time, Obi had told him about the things he saw during that half-year. ~~There had been torture and disease and amateur battlefield surgery with grain alcohol for disinfectant and spice for anesthesia. Quin had once held Obi's hand on one of Obi's bad days and gotten a flash of an adult man raping a child until the man's head exploded in a cloud of blood and grey matter. One of Obi-Wan's first kills with a blaster-rifle, he'd said, and Quin'd realized that he'd touched Obi's trigger finger.~~ Quin doubted that Jinn knew about even a tenth of the horrors that Obi relived in his nightmares. 

And Obi-Wan had experienced all of that not because of a terrible mistake but because of Qui-Gon Jinn's deliberate decisions. It had been Jinn's _choice._ There had been some issues with Jinn's attachments and mental health, but ultimately, _it had been Jinn's choice._

Quin stumbled to the washroom and emptied his stomach. As he slumped over the toilet sobbing, he felt his Master scoop his locs up out of the way. That only made him sob harder-- Quin had a Master who held his hair back when he vomited and comforted him when he cried, and Obi had a Master who abandoned him in a warzone. Obi deserved this too. Obi was so _good_ and he deserved _everything._

Staring into the measure of mouthwash Tholme had just handed him, Quin made a promise to the Force: _I will do whatever it takes to help Obi-Wan build the family he deserves._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Past drug use/withdrawal, past parent death, panic attack/flashbacks

Obi-Wan's pillow was moving. He was relatively sure that pillows weren't meant to do that. He cracked open one eye in annoyance. Dark skin, lots of warm dark skin…

"Quinlan?"

"Mornin', babe." A jaw-cracking yawn.

"Quin! You're here!"

"Yep. Got in around 0230. You were passed out hard so I just let you sleep."

Obi-Wan hummed happily and snuggled down against Quin's bare chest. "Mm, Quin muscles, best pillow ever."

"You're so cute."

"Am not. I'm beautiful."

"That too. Prettiest freckle I've ever seen."

Obi-Wan stuck his tongue out. "I don't even have a lot of freckles right now. I've been in Temple."

"We'll have to get you outside then, huh? If you run out of 'em the younglings will think you're a ghost and try to walk right through you."

"I am not that pale!"

Quin looked pointedly at the contrast of Obi-Wan's arm across his own chest. 

Obi-Wan pouted. "You're mean."

"If I'm mean then I guess you probably don't want to sleep with me so I might as well get up."

"Nope. You're not allowed." Obi-Wan wrapped himself tighter around his bondmate to keep him in bed. Predictably, this turned into a wrestling match.

Tholme had changed Quin's twin bed for a full-size when Quin topped six feet a couple of years ago, but it still wasn't exactly a wrestling mat. As the two of them rolled off the bed and hit the floor, Tholme knocked on the door "Boys? Are you alright in there? That sounded painful."

"We're fine, Master Tholme!" Obi-Wan wheezed-- Quin had him pinned and his bondmate seemed to bring home another five pounds of muscle from every mission.

Quinlan levered himself off of the floor and pulled Obi-Wan up after him. Fully awake now and faced with an unobstructed view of his partner, Obi-Wan felt a little bit absurdly shy. Somehow he always forgot just how handsome Quin was.

Not to be deterred, Obi-Wan sidled up to Quin. "I believe I was promised a kiss," he demanded.

"Well, I suppose," Quin sighed with feigned reluctance. "C'mere then." He tilted Obi-Wan's chin up a bit and closed in.

_ That's nice. Oooh, that's really nice.  _

Then Quin made the mistake of opening his mouth too far.

"Urg, morning breath! Quinlan,  _ ew. _ "

"Ew yourself. You're the one who wanted to be kissed first thing in the morning." He smacked an obnoxious series of wet kisses against Obi-Wan's forehead and cheeks.

Obi-Wan tried to squirm away but he couldn't break Quin's hold. In punishment, Quin's fingers found Obi-Wan's ticklish ribs. Obi-Wan let out a noise halfway between a giggle and a squeal.

Tholme knocked on the door again.  _ "Boys.  _ Let's go. You're seeing the healers this morning and we'll have to have breakfast in the refectory first-- there's not a bit of food in our kitchen. Clothes. On."

Managing to eel out of Quin's arms, Obi-Wan grabbed Quin's tabards from the back of the desk chair and tossed the fabric at his bondmate's face.

"You little shit," Quin laughed. "Master's right though, the faster we get dressed, the sooner we get our bond fixed. And I have been separated from you for way too long."

Eyes widening, Obi-Wan started yanking his clothes on as fast as possible.  _ Why must Jedi robes have so many forsaken layers? _

* * *

It had taken less than an hour for Quin and Obi to dress, wash up, and bolt down their breakfasts. Tholme trailed after them, visibly struggling not to smile at their eagerness.

The padawan at the psych clinic reception desk had told them that a team of healers was expecting them, so the wait wouldn't be too long. At that point they'd landed in a condescendingly beige waiting room that crackled with previous occupants' emotional distress. Quin yanked his gloves a little further up his arms; he was  _ not  _ in the mood for second-hand post-traumatic stress or suicidal ideation. He usually arrived less than a minute early for his appointments with his mindhealer in order to avoid spending time in this particular room.

To distract himself, he fidgeted with the little bottle of yellow ink in his trouser pocket. He'd extracted it from his desk while Obi-Wan was in the washroom brushing his teeth. It was traditional Kiffar betrothal ink, a perfect color match for his own qukuuf; Master Saa had sent it to him from her posting on Kiffex and he'd squirreled it away with Aayla's first silka beads. 

With any luck, Obi would be wearing it by dinner hour. Then, it was just a waiting game until they were both knighted; the ink was semi-permanent and would need to be refreshed every couple of months, but once they took vows to consecrate their lifebond, the ink would be replaced with marriage tattoos.

Beside him, Obi was just as antsy as Quin was. He was hiding behind stereotypical Jedi reserve, which was the Kenobi equivalent of anxious pacing. Quin eyed his ivory skin, wondering how it would contrast with gold qukuuf. If they ever escaped this sithly waiting room, he might get to find out.

The potted ficus next to the waiting room doorway rustled. Quin looked over in hopes of a healer arriving to collect him and Obi; to his astonishment, Master Mace Windu was crossing the threshold. In theory, Quin knew that Obi trained with Windu, but it was still surreal to watch the Master of the Order walk right up to his bondmate for a chat.

Next to Quin, Obi-Wan looked pleasantly surprised rather than gobsmacked. "Master Windu! I wasn't expecting to see you in the Halls this morning-- I hope you're not poorly."

"I am well, thank you, Obi-Wan. I am here on the Council's behalf since you are under our protection while your Master is indisposed. It was the general consensus that someone should be here while our ward undergoes a nearly unprecedented procedure."

Quin narrowed his eyes. That didn't explain why  _ Windu  _ was present. Logically, the Council should have sent Yaddle, who was the liaison for Jinn's investigation, or one of the Counselors with healer's training. It really sounded like Windu was worried about Obi and had invented an official-adjacent reason to come see him. Quin hoped this was the case. The more people worried about Obi the better, in his perfectly objective opinion.

"I… thank you, Master Windu, I am honored by the Council's concern." Stiff as the words were, Obi seemed genuinely pleased to see Windu.

Windu turned to say something to Quin himself, but an orderly's arrival rescued him from having to make smalltalk with the galaxy's highest-ranking Jedi.

"Kenobi, Vos, follow me please."

Tholme gave Quin an encouraging nudge. "Go on. We'll be right here if anything happens."

After a moment's consideration, Quin yanked off one of his gloves and grabbed his bondmate's hand. Obi aimed one more tentative smile at Windu and allowed the orderly to herd them out of the waiting room.

* * *

After the padawans disappeared with an orderly, Mace sank into a waiting room chair across from Tholme. Tholme raised an eyebrow at him, a gesture made particularly effective by the man's prosthetic eye. "Joining my vigil, I see."

"If you don't mind."

"Feel free. Does the rest of the Council even know that you're here?"

"Yaddle does. This was supposed to be her duty but she was happy to delegate. Left her more time for grilling Jinn."

"She'll need every minute of it. My draft statement is already twenty pages and it's only half written."

"Lovely. Well, Yaddle and Master Educator Winnower should be done with him by this evening. They plan to have a mindhealer talk to Obi-Wan tomorrow morning and interview him themselves tomorrow afternoon."

"Good. The boys will need the rest of today to acclimate to the bond."

"Yaddle had anticipated that. I wish Obi-Wan didn't have to miss 'shop tomorrow though. It's the happiest I ever see him."

"Right, how is that going? I've barely worked with him since he was sixteen-- Jinn trained him alone almost exclusively."

"It's an excellent fit for him. We've seen noticeable improvement already."

"Has training under an Ataru purist held him back?"

"Somewhat, but he seems to have absorbed quite a bit from Jinn's various mission partners. You can tell that he's trained himself toward combat effectiveness rather than purity of form. No, what held him back was being utterly oblivious to his precognition."

"He was what?  _ How?" _

"Jinn."

"Right."

"I've been teaching him meditation techniques, trying to get his various forms of prescience sorted out. He should've been working on it for years already so thank the Force he's a fast learner."

"Thank the Force indeed. You know, now that the lifebond is being repaired, we'll need to start training him and Quinlan together. The boys have done a bit of surreptitious sparring over the years, but not nearly the sort of training they'll need to fight effectively as mission partners."

"What form is Quinlan working in?"

"Five, mostly. Makes good use of his height and mass. He's not as fast as some but he's good at manipulating opponents psychologically. He's placed in his last few tournaments-- he's good, but not quite  _ workshop at age eighteen _ good."

"Hm. Interesting project. They could balance each other out well, especially with Obi-Wan gravitating toward Soresu recently. It'll be interesting to see how the precognition interacts with the lifebond."

"And the psychometry. Our padawans have been dealing with that issue for years now even with the bond blocked."

"Now wait a minute, what do you mean, 'our padawans'? I'm happy to help with their training of course, but--"

"Who do you think you're fooling, Mace? You know as well as I do that you're going to offer--" Tholme's rebuttal died on his tongue as the clinic was engulfed by a powerful Force shockwave.

* * *

Following an orderly through a maze of clinic hallways, Obi-Wan clung to his bondmate's hand. He hadn't been inside the psych clinic for years-- not since his mandatory post-Malida-Daan appointments were forgotten in the confusion of Xanatos' and Bruck Chuns' deaths. At the time, the stress of having to lie to his mindhealers had been intense. Being back inside this facility was stirring up memories.

Evidently picking up on Obi-Wan's tension, Quin gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Obi-Wan tried to focus on his bondmate rather than his surroundings. As always, Quin was strong and warm and safe.

The orderly ushered them into a room and left to fetch the healers. The room smelled strongly of incense-- he sniffed the air curiously as Quin tugged him down on a squashy leather couch.

"They cleaned the emotional residue out of here before they brought me in-- that's why the incense is so strong. They always do that before my appointments." Quin wiggled his ungloved hand to indicate his psychometry.

"Is this your usual room?"

"Nah, this one's a lot bigger. Think they're gonna have a team of healers working on us and everybody's got to sit somewhere."

Quin was right, as usual. The door opened again and four beings in slate blue healers' robes issued forth. Quin perked up when an elderly togruta man entered-- "Master Elra! I didn't know you were going to be helping!"

_ Ah, that checks out.  _ Some days Quin's conversation was peppered with, 'Master Elra told me…' and 'Master Elra suggested…' every third sentence.

"Good morning, Quinlan. Someone tampered with your mind, of course I'm here to fix it. Are you going to introduce me to your young man?"

"Master, this is Senior Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi, Master Healer Elra Vale, my mindhealer since Tholme brought me to the Temple."

Obi-Wan stood and bowed as was proper when introduced to a Master. "It is an honor, Master Healer Vale. Quinlan has shared much of your wisdom with me."

"The honor is mine, padawan. Sit, call me Elra, we don't stand on ceremony here in this clinic."

Obi-Wan sat as instructed, much more at ease in the presence of someone who clearly cared as much for Quin as Obi-Wan did.

Master Elra presented his colleagues: Master Healer Ghet Al, a diminutive Twi'lek man busy laying out a series of kyber crystals on the low table in the center of the room; Master Healer Ersau, a kindly-looking middle-aged human, and Healer Rille Saar, a Vurk with an impressive head crest and a datapad.

"Healer Rille is here to observe and document the procedure, both for your medical records and for the investigation into Master Jinn. Master Ghet is an expert in crystal healing and Ersau in Force bonds; together they will draw out the energy that makes up the block. And I will be responsible for healing any psychic wounds caused by the block or the removal process. Do you have any questions before we begin?"

Both Obi-Wan and Quin shook their heads, so Healer Elra continued. "First, we will help you both relax very deeply so that we may bypass your shields without causing harm. Close your eyes, please, and join us in the beginnings of our healing trance."

Obi-Wan knew that bypassing his shields wouldn't require a trance, but he shrugged it off and followed Elra's instructions. He closed his eyes and felt gentle energy begin to bridge the spaces between their six individual Force presences. One of the Masters brushed gently against his outermost shields, so Obi-Wan obligingly dropped his shields to let them in.

He felt the Master's presence recoil in shock, and a second later all the fledgling connections disappeared with a pop. When he opened his eyes, everyone was staring at him.

"Sorry, is something wrong?"

"Young one," Master Ersau began in the sort of tone appropriate for an injured child, "you completely dropped every one of your shields at once with no preparation. Where did you learn to do such a thing?"

It wasn't strictly true that he'd dropped all his shields-- through years of practice, he'd developed a few that were too complete and impenetrable for even his own Master to notice. He'd simply allowed the healers the same access that Qui-Gon always asked for. "My Master taught me. He usually has me do so a few times per week so he can make sure that I'm untouched by the Dark."

The healers' Force signatures trembled with indignation. Healer Rille started tapping furiously on their datapad. Quin wrapped an arm around Obi-Wan's waist and pulled Obi-Wan nearly into his lap. Obi-Wan didn't think that the situation warranted that sort of coddling, but he cuddled up against his bondmate anyway. He'd never turn down a hug from Quin.

Healer Ersau continued in that terribly delicate tone-- "Do you understand that for anyone to require you to entirely drop your shields outside of a medical emergency is a grave violation of your privacy and personhood?"

"I know that it's normally considered a violation, but I don't mind so much if it'll put my Master's mind at ease. It's actually sort of nice to know for sure that I haven't touched the Dark. And since this is a medical procedure I guess I assumed that it was appropriate."

Quinlan made a sound that was neither a whine nor a growl. Obi-Wan petted his shoulder soothingly.

Master Ersau seemed to agree with Quin's assessment. "The training bond ought to allow the Master to monitor their student without such extreme measures-- that is its purpose. The repair of a Force bond only requires access to the area of the mind immediately surrounding the bond's root."

The way the healers were looking at Obi-Wan made him feel weak and exposed. He wanted the sickly crawling feeling under his skin to go away. In order to escape the unbearable moment, he seized upon the topic of the procedure. "How will I know which parts of my shielding to relax?"

Master Ersau gave him a look that said that she'd noticed the deliberate change of subject but decided to allow it. "We will guide you. You will feel us knock against the section we need to bypass, as if we were knocking on a door."

Obi-Wan nodded his understanding. "May we try again?"

Master Ersau sighed. "Alright padawan. Close your eyes and relax."

He did as they instructed. The soft, bright connections began to form again between the six Jedi. The bond between himself and Quin was the brightest, obstructed for the moment but resilient. 

Master Ghet knocked gently on one of Obi-Wan's shields, so Obi-Wan focused carefully upon opening that particular area. It was much more stressful than locking down his most private thoughts and lowering the rest of his shields at once. He felt like he was on the cusp of losing control of his own mind. As the three Masters delicately insinuated themselves among the layers of his defenses, he forced himself to relax, not to react to the feeling that foreign entities were invading him.

After a brief eternity of wending and winding, Obi-Wan felt the Masters locate the root of his bond and go still. On the couch beside him, Quin's body seemed far more relaxed than Obi-Wan felt. He forced himself to focus on Quin's steady physical presence as the Masters readied themselves to assail the blocked bond.

Then a scalding beam of energy lanced across his mind from Ghet's array of crystals and Obi-Wan screamed. Qui-Gon's block disintegrated, but it left behind burning fissures where it had been anchored.

A cloying relief clouded the fissures and the raw abrasions from the crystals, insulating him from the pain. It was so tempting to relax into it but

_ no! if i give in to the spice now it will be in my system for hours clogging my connection to the force nield needs me the supply depot the children are starving are dying must resist must resist must resist his parents were struggling as their lifeforce drained out of them shrieking crying for help but the anzati would kill the melida the daan the color draining out from their skin the qukuuf stark yellow against deathly grey must save them mustn't give in must resist must resist must resist he lashed out forced the spice out and _

**Thud**

Obi-Wan's eyes flew open as Master Elra hit the far wall. The fissures were stabbing his mind like vibroblades and his bondmate was slumped over the arm of the couch, groaning the names of his dead parents. 

Obi-Wan screwed his eyes shut again and dove down the open bond. The agony of two dying Kiffar Guardians overwhelmed his senses but he gritted his teeth and reached for Quin, wrapping his bondmate up in comfort and love. He pulled with everything he had, begging the Force for succor, and he and Quin emerged gasping back into the psych clinic's morning sunlight.

At that point a frantic Tholme burst into the room with Windu on his heels. He collapsed to his knees beside Quin and cradled his padawan's head against his chest, murmuring soothingly.

Windu felt like thunder in the Force. "What the  _ fuck  _ just happened here?"

Master Ersau rose to face him, leaving Ghet to help Elra to his feet. "Kenobi has poorly-healed cerebral lesions from protracted spice use. We could not sense them before the procedure because he'd concealed them behind undetectable shields, but the energy of Master Healer Al's crystal-based dissolution caused the lesions to reopen. 

"When Master Healer Vale attempted to provide pain relief for both Kenobi's lesions and the fissures left by the block, it triggered a flashback. Vos experienced Kenobi's flashback through the reopened bond and was triggered into a flashback of his own; we suspect that both padawans experienced a melding together of their respective flashbacks through the bond. 

"Kenobi reflexively flung Master Healer Vale out of his mind and physically threw him against the wall. He surfaced from his flashback and pulled Vos out as well. At this point, the bond is reopened but both padawans have unhealed fissures that require treatment, as well as Kenobi's lesions."

Horrified, Obi-Wan interjected, "Master Elra! Are you alright? I am so, so sorry!"

"Do not fret, young one," the venerable healer reassured him, "I am only a little bruised, and it is not your fault. It is a common reflex for traumatized Jedi. It has happened to me before and it will happen to me again."

"Is Quin going to be okay?"

Quin shifted in his Master's arms to sit a little more upright. "I'm fine, Obes. Just a flashback, no permanent damage." He sounded groggy.

Obi-Wan must have looked as pitiful as he felt because Tholme pulled him into his embrace alongside Quin. Master Windu was rubbing his temples in consternation. "Obi-Wan, how did you sustain spice lesions?"

"Melida-Daan. It was the best painkiller we had access to so we used it when we were wounded. Eventually we were all dependent on it."

"Why were the lesions never treated?"

"I didn't really talk about the spice, I guess. I went through withdrawal when I left the planet but I was able to dull it with the Force so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I think Master Qui-Gon thought I had a flu of some kind."

Master Windu uttered three very foul profanities before taking a deep breath and collecting himself. "Okay. Force, okay, Master Healers, what treatment do Kenobi and Vos require?"

"We'd like to admit them to the main Halls so that their vitals can be monitored and safe chemical anesthetic administered," Master Elra proposed. "I will consult with several of my colleagues who are knowledgeable about such injuries to determine which procedures will be safest. If all goes well, we should be able to release them to quarters with supervision by the evening."

"Very well. See that it is done, please."

A great deal of bustling about ensued.

* * *

Quinlan had never imagined presenting betrothal ink to Obi-Wan while wired to multiple medical devices in the Halls. He'd always pictured a quiet moment in one of Obi's favorite gardens, actually. However, he'd promised himself he'd put betrothal bands on Obi's arms today and a change in venue was not going to stop him.

"Obi? Could you look at me, please?"

"Hmm?" Obi was curled up next to him on the cot they'd been allowed to share. He raised his head from the pillows it was buried in.

"I have something I'd like to give you, if you want it." Quin pulled out the little bottle and a narrow brush, offering them to Obi.

Obi's eyes got very big. "Quin? Is that...?"

"Yeah, sweetheart, it is. I know that the lifebond makes it sort of inevitable, but you still deserve your ink."

"Even after everything with the blocked bond and the flashbacks?"

"Especially after the blocked bond and the flashbacks. We've both been through some shit and we've been separated a lot in the past couple years, and I don't want to do that anymore. You're my favorite person, tied with Aayla, so whatever happens, I want us to deal with it together."

Suddenly Quin was being kissed very thoroughly by a teary redhead. That felt like a 'yes,' so he threaded his fingers into Obi's hair and replied with gusto.

When Obi finally came up for air, Quin wiped some moisture off Obi's cheeks with his thumb and rearranged them to give him access to Obi's left arm. Painstakingly replicating his own qukuuf on both of Obi's biceps and adding betrothal bands to his own arms would take a while, so they needed to get comfortable. They were both already bare-chested to accommodate all the sensors and wires trailing off of them, which made things easier.

He uncapped the bottle and dipped the brush. "May I?"

"Yes, please."

Quin stole one more kiss. Then, with Obi smiling beatifically at him, he got to work.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Kushiban is a sentient, two-foot-tall rabbit whose fur changes color with their mood. This info will be moderately important going forward.
> 
> Yoda talks a lot in this chapter, so if anyone is interested in Yoda-to-normal-person translations, just let me know. Lord knows I wouldn't want to read Yoda dialogue in my own second language.
> 
> TW: mostly just child neglect in this chapter. Mentions of slavery on Bandomeer, but nothing detailed.

At 0607, Mace's breakfast was interrupted by his comm going off-- his special ringtone for fellow counsellors, so no matter how tempting it was, Mace couldn't ignore it. He looked at the caller ID: Yaddle.

_ Fuck, I hope this isn't about Obi-Wan.  _ Yesterday's discovery that the boy had gone through spice withdrawal alone at age fourteen had been horrifying enough to last Mace the rest of the year.

"Windu speaking. Good morning, Yaddle."

"It is not, but I thank you for the sentiment and reciprocate. I request your assistance with Yoda, please. Jinn's interview raised questions about the beginning of Padawan Kenobi's apprenticeship to which I require answers in preparation to interview the child today."

_ Sithdammit.  _ "What kind of questions?"

"Whether or not Kenobi was a padawan when he and Jinn left for Bandomeer. Indicated, Jinn did, that the boy was assigned to the Agricorps before his thirteenth birthday and posted to Bandomeer, where Jinn decided to take him on. However, Kenobi's initiate records show that Jinn took him on before they left for Bandomeer. As an initiate he was tracked toward the Knight Corps, not Agricorps, and most of the documentation regarding a supposed Agricorps assignment is missing. The Force whispers to me of Yoda's involvement."

"The Agricorps? What? How did the boy end up on Bandomeer if he wasn't Jinn's padawan at the time? The Ag Training Temple is on the other side of the galaxy!"

Yaddle hmphed. "A mystery indeed. The Council of Reassignment issued a corps transfer order for Kenobi on the same date that the child's padawanship forms were signed. The transfer order was deleted from the main personnel action repository, but Training Oversight investigators located it in a backup repository last night. Yoda it was who entered Kenobi's padawanship forms into the Archives, not the Council of Reassignment."

"So you need me to sit on Yoda until he talks."

"That would be a kindness, yes, thank you."

"Where do you need me, and when?"

"The small conference room in twenty-one minutes if you please."

"I'll be there."

Mace shoved the rest of his toast in his mouth and dragged his datapad in front of him. If he was going Yoda-wrangling first thing in the morning, he was not going into it under informed. He opened up the training record database and entered 'Kenobi' in the search bar. He'd already read through Obi-Wan's padawan records, but he hadn't looked at the initiate records.

Born on Stewjon, it looked like, brought to the Temple before his second birthday. Hit all his developmental milestones on time, definite bias toward the Unifying and persistent visions that disturbed his sleep. Solid grades, good behavior but for a bit of a temper and some conflicts with clanmate Bruck Chun.

At age seven he'd begun meditating with his crechemaster on his path within the Order, as all initiates did. It had been clear from fairly early on that he was meant for the Knight Corps; he'd participated in the standard introductory visits to the other corps' training facilities but never spent weeks or months studying with other corps the way some initiates did. His classes had obviously been selected for a future knight-apprentice and he showed no sign of the sort of profound connection to the Living Force that qualified a Jedi for the Agricorps.

Three prospective Masters had inquired after him between the ages of ten and twelve. In all three cases the inquiries had been terminated abruptly, no explanation given, just before the Masters would have approached the boy himself. 

A month before Obi-Wan's thirteenth birthday, Jinn accepted him as his apprentice and they left on their first mission the next day. But Yaddle had just forwarded Mace the deleted transfer order to the Agricorps on Bandomeer, and it had been issued less than two hours before Obi-Wan's padawanship papers were signed.

And then, two months later, Obi-Wan had returned to the Temple with a braid in his hair. Despite the fact that Jinn had spent a decade vowing never to take another padawan.

_ Yoda. _

Mace yanked his boots on and marched out the door. He pulled out his comm as he went-- this mission required reinforcements. It wasn't just about Obi-Wan anymore; this was Yoda possibly bypassing rules, procedures, and customs for the benefit of his own lineage. This was Order bureaucracy breaking down under the amassed political influence of a senior Master.

"Depa? We have a situation…"

* * *

When Yaddle herded Yoda into the small Council conference room at 0630, Mace was already installed with Plo at his left hand and Depa at his right. Yoda plunked down across from Mace, grumbling, while Yaddle took her place at the head of the table with quiet dignity. There was no one here who would be even slightly impressed by Yoda.

Depa had her datapad open to her favorite note taking app, her stylus raised to an attitude reminiscent of Vapaad's first position. Whatever happened in the next few minutes was going to end up in the Council's Archives repository complete with hundreds of words of footnotes.

Mace sent a quick prayer for serenity into the Force. Then he pinned Yoda under the stare he normally reserved for the Senate's most recalcitrant. "Kenobi. Bandomeer. Explain, now."

"The will of the Force, it was, that Qui-Gon's padawan he should be. Acted as instrument of the Force, I did."

"Was Kenobi Jinn's padawan when they left for Bandomeer or not?"

"Jinn's padawan he was meant to be."

That was an obvious dodge, so the answer was probably 'no.' Mace approached the interrogation from a different angle. "Did you prohibit other Masters from taking him on?"

"Prohibit, not. Advise, I did. Not blessed by the Force, those pairings were."

"Why did you believe that Kenobi belonged with Jinn?"

"My belief not. Force, yes."

"Did you seek advice from any other Master, or did you make decisions about Kenobi's future based on your personal perception of the Force alone?"

"Advice not needed was. Spoke clearly, Force did."

"Apprenticeships are  _ never _ decided based on the understanding of one Jedi alone. The decision belongs to both the initiate and the prospective Master, and the advice of creche masters and lineage members is nearly always taken into account."

"Lineage member I am. Advice I gave."

"No," Plo boomed, "You did not give advice. Advice respects the recipient's right to make their own decision. You deprived the child of the opportunity to accept a Master other than Jinn. If you had him reassigned to the Agricorps, you disrespected Kenobi's Force-given knowledge that he belonged with the Knight Corps. If you manipulated Jinn into taking the boy on, you compromised Jinn's right to decide whether or not to take an apprentice. Why and how did you do this?"

"All decisions inspired by the Force ultimately are. Disregarded procedures, maybe, but will of Force achieved regardless of means." Yoda sounded hunted, as though he desperately wanted to believe his own words. Mace could tell that once they prodded him into talking, the whole story would tumble out.

Yaddle drew herself up to her full height, which was two inches less than Yoda's. "The will of the Force, it was, to thrust a child upon a person so lacking emotional capacity for childrearing as to willingly leave a fourteen-year-old alone at war?"

Yoda was wavering, so Mace weaponized yesterday's awful discovery. "During that war, Kenobi and all his young comrades developed spice dependencies. When he returned to the Temple, Kenobi went through withdrawal alone; according to him, Jinn believed Kenobi had contracted a flu. Kenobi still had spice lesions on his brain as of yesterday. Was that the Master-padawan relationship that the Force ordained?"

For just over three seconds, Yoda managed to hold his defiant expression. Then he crumpled, ears drooping and the corners of his eyes welling up.

"So bright, Obi-Wan was. So full of Light. Alone for long years my grandpadawan had been. Wounded he was by his second padawan and refused to heal he did. A happy young apprentice Qui-Gon was once, in my quarters always, asking about all my plants and little creatures, crawling on his knees to sketch them even when grow so tall, he did, that stand upright in my rooms he could not. Gone that joyful youngling was, walking always in shadows, and so bright little Obi-Wan was. Give him that Light again, I thought. Walking together, I could see them, laughing and learning, doing good works. Pall of Xanatos over my children, lifted it would be." Yoda closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "Human lives, so short they are. To love, so little time, and wasting it away Qui-Gon was. Come home from Telos he would, I thought, only with a little Light."

Depa lay down her stylus and reached across the table for Yoda's hand. "We will bring him home, Grandmaster. We will. He will receive treatment, and we will bring him home. Just not like this. Not at Obi-Wan's expense."

Yoda snuffled and nodded.

"The first step," Mace added softly, "is to understand everything that has happened so that we know how to help. Please tell us how exactly Obi-Wan's apprenticeship began."

"Met young Obi-Wan I did in creche meditation class I taught. Not most skilled student, but fire in him there was. Strong willed, reminded me of young Qui-Gon very much.

"Then, to help him with visions I began. Strong visions, distressing. Fond of him I became. Deep in the Unifying Force I discovered he was, deep as Qui-Gon was in the Living. Balance, I thought. Balance, the Force seemed to whisper."

"How old was he when you began helping him with his visions?" Depa wanted all the details, as usual.

"Eight years. Padawan age, not yet. Two years, then asked about him Master Zaat did. Told me Obi-Wan's creche master did, knew I was fond of Obi-Wan he did. Upset I was. Obi-Wan in my lineage, felt right it did. Not right choice, I said to Zaat. Not right choice, I said to Galen and to Kampte."

"Where was Qui-Gon during that time?"

"Missions, always missions. Very dangerous. Never at home. Asked him to assist with training initiates, I did Refused he did. No contact with learners did he want."

"And then Bandomeer?"

Yoda nodded. "Finally back at Temple, Qui-Gon was. Take him to see tournament I planned, but second plan I prepared also against grandpadawan's stubbornness. Near, Obi-Wan's thirteenth birthday was-- primary education complete, age when initiates join chosen corps if not yet padawans they are. Agricorps post there was on Bandomeer, planet where consular requested to resolve corporate conflict was. Send Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan to Bandomeer I thought-- just dangerous enough so that protective, Qui-Gon would feel, but in danger, Obi-Wan's life would not be. Impressed by duel, grandpadawan was not, so to Bandomeer both went."

"This the Council of Reassignment accepted?" Yaddle was studying Yoda with consternation. "Very irregular. All adolescent initiates go to Training Temples for selection by Masters."

"Entire Council not consulted was. Master Sifo-Dyas head of Council was. The Force told me that on Bandomeer Obi-Wan's right Master was, this I said to Sifo-Dyas. Issue reassignment order he did."

Mace gritted his teeth against a stream of invective. A lot of things were beginning to make sense. The Council of Reassignment was supposed to be an independent and apolitical body representing the best interests of the Order's learners. The High Council only had authority over the Council of Reassignment if blatant corruption or abuse arose within the lower council-- this was supposed to keep the heavy political issues that the High Council dealt with from unduly affecting learners' training. However, there was a history of High Councillors providing informal  _ advice,  _ and Sifo-Dyas was a confidant of Yoda's.

And the Council of Reassignment led the Training Oversight Office, meaning that a close friend of Qui-Gon's doting grandmaster had jurisdiction over any complaint against Qui-Gon that might have arisen.  _ Fuck a Sith. _

Beside him, Depa was narrowing her eyes incisively. "Why was the entire Council of Reassignment not consulted?"

It was Yaddle who answered. "A loophole there is. It is custom for the full council to deliberate over learners' placement, but not codified. Attempts to codify there have been, but never successful. Opponents claim that in emergency situations, council deliberation is too time-consuming and this argument has always prevailed."

Depa was scribbling fervently. Mace had a feeling that she'd have a reform proposal before the High Council within the week. "And the Agricorps did not protest?" she asked.

"On Bandomeer Obi-Wan arrived before received, Sifo-Dyas did, protest from Agricultural Masters. Delayed hearing the protest, Sifo-Dyas did at my request."

"When did Jinn actually accept Obi-Wan as his padawan?"

"Their last day on the planet it was."

"So you backdated the padawanship papers."

Yoda just nodded and bowed his head.

* * *

Obi-Wan woke up full of sunshine. Or maybe hot cocoa. He was sleepy and metaphors were hard. He was really really happy, anyway. As he rolled over, he got a glimpse of Quin's qukuuf with the new betrothal bands. He ran his fingers over the ink on his own arms to make sure that yesterday was real-- the bond was fixed! And it really was; he could feel slow waves of contentment rolling across the bond from his sleeping bondmate.

Then his alarm started shrieking. All the fuzzy warmth drained out of Obi-Wan as he remembered why he'd set it: this morning, he had to explain his whole apprenticeship to a mindhealer. Yesterday was like a dream, even with all the mishaps of reopening the bond. Now he had to face the investigation that had made the dream possible.

Obi-Wan fumbled the alarm off to avoid waking Quin. He dragged himself into his clothes and out into the kitchen. Thankfully, Master Tholme had restocked the kitchen-- Obi-Wan couldn't face the cheerful bustle of the refectory this morning. He didn't have much of an appetite, honestly; he was only eating because it was important for him to maintain the habit.

Tholme entered the kitchen as Obi-Wan sat down to his porridge. "Good morning, Obi-Wan. Quinlan still asleep?"

Obi-Wan nodded and spooned more porridge into his mouth.

"How are you feeling about today, padawan?"

"Weird. Very weird."

"In what way?"

Obi-Wan sighed and set down his spoon. "I don't quite know how to describe it. It's like-- Qui-Gon's not the easiest Master to train under, I've always known that, but it was normal? A normal apprenticeship, and I knew how to handle it, and this investigation and seeing a mindhealer about everything pulls all the normal out from under me. Now I'm a victim and a patient, not a senior padawan. And I feel like the same person I was before, but the rest of the world has shifted a little off its axis when I wasn't looking."

"Mh. That sounds unpleasant. Anything I can do to help?"

"Just-- act normal, maybe? Don't make a big deal out of this?"

"Of course, padawan. Interested in sparring with me this evening after your appointments are over? I know you're missing workshop today and I'd like to see how your training is coming along."

That sounded really nice, actually. He'd been disappointed about missing 'shop. "Yes, please! I'll comm you when I'm finished and we can meet in the salle locker room?"

"It's a plan."

* * *

When Obi-Wan left the apartment a few minutes later, he was carrying his equipment bag. Theoretically he could stop back at Tholme's quarters after the interviews were over, but he wanted a physical reminder of the training session later to get him through these interviews. 

He retraced his steps to the psych clinic like a pale ghost of the previous day. The waiting room was as cloyingly peaceful as ever, but instead of waiting impatiently for his appointment, Obi-Wan willed his healer to take their sweet time.

He wasn't so lucky. Almost as soon as he sat down, a Kushiban in healer's robes called his name. Obi-Wan stood to meet them.

"Good morning, Master Healer."

The healer bobbed their head. "Well met, Padawan Kenobi. I am Master Dhakrit; I will be working with you today. Will you follow me, please?"

They guided Obi-Wan to a small room with a sofa and a chair sized to accommodate the tiny Master. The walls were painted a misty green and a little fountain was set up in one corner.

"Padawan Kenobi-- may I call you Obi-Wan?-- thank you for meeting with me this morning. We're trying to find out how best to help Master Jinn and you know him better than almost anyone."

Obi-Wan felt himself relaxing a bit. Between the burbling fountain and the small fluffy healer, it would have been impossible to stay on edge. "Thank you for seeing me. What do you need to know?"

"To begin, I'd like you to describe your Master to me-- just a general picture of who he is."

That was easy enough. Master Dhakrit opened up their flimsi notepad and gazed at Obi-Wan expectantly.

"Master Qui-Gon is compassionate and deeply in tune with the Living Force. His personality is strong-willed but kind; he keeps his own counsel and hates to see any being suffer. He is an excellent diplomat and swordsman. He's experienced several major losses and betrayals and has suffered depression as a result."

"It sounds like you care about him a great deal."

"I do. He was kind enough to take me on and he's trained me as best he could for five years."

"How did he choose you as his student?"

"I was transferred to the Agricorps outpost on Bandomeer right before I turned thirteen. He was on a mission to Bandomeer at the same time. His fallen former apprentice caused some problems-- he tried to blow up the planet, actually-- and after we worked together to stop him, Qui-Gon asked me to be his padawan."

"That is an awfully exciting beginning to an apprenticeship. Do you remember how you felt?"

"Tired and still a little scared, mostly. Relieved."

"Relieved that the planet was saved?"

"That was part of it. But Qui-Gon was my last chance to join the Knight Corps like the Force was instructing me to do. I'd been shipped to Bandomeer abruptly and I didn't know why-- I still don't-- and everything was going wrong. I didn't get to go to the Agricorps Training Temple to be chosen by an Agricultural Master; I was just dumped at a remote outpost without any other apprentices or anyone assigned to train me. No Master had ever shown an interest in me, and Qui-Gon had refused to take me on back at the Temple before we left. I spent quite a bit of time on Bandomeer praying that Qui-Gon would change his mind."

Obi-Wan was astonished to hear this story come out of his mouth. He'd only ever talked about it with Quin before. Master Dhakrit was so sincerely interested in his experiences, though. Obi-Wan couldn't help himself.

"Qui-Gon refused you before later taking you on?"

"Yes. He said that I was too angry and aggressive, too likely to Fall. I'm grateful that he has been so diligent in training me away from the Dark since then."

"Do you know what caused him to change his mind?"

Obi-Wan buried his face in his hands. "We were trapped in a mine shaft together," he explained, muffled. "I had an explosive slave collar locked around my neck, and I offered to set it off to blow a hole in a door and allow Qui-Gon to escape. He managed to free us in another way, but he said that I showed courage and selflessness."

Master Dhakrit's white fur was turning grey in distress. "A slave collar?"

"Master Qui-Gon's fallen apprentice captured me and sent me to a deep sea mining platform where I was forced to labor for just over a month. The incident in the mine occurred soon after I escaped."

"Have you spoken to a mindhealer about this before?"

"No, I haven't. Master Qui-Gon doesn't have a very favorable view of mindhealing, so I've only had a couple of mandatory appointments."

"Would you have chosen to seek out a mindhealer if you'd been given the chance?"

"I think so. I have bad night terrors and I have flashbacks sometimes. I'm willing to deal with them alone to spare Master distress, though."

"You sense that he is distressed at the idea of his padawan seeking mental health support?"

"He tends to worry when I work with other Masters. The breakdown that started this whole investigation was triggered by me choosing to train with Master Windu."

"Do you have a sense of why this is?"

"Like I mentioned, he is very careful about my training to ensure that I don't Fall. He is afraid that other Masters who don't know me as well might teach me knowledge that is unsafe for me."

"Do you agree?"

"I'm not sure. I've never felt that I was particularly close to the edge, but I'm uncertain whether I would even notice until I'd already Fallen. My master is wise, but I know that he's been through a lot of pain and that his beliefs have been changed by it."

"How else do you think his beliefs have been affected?"

"He is deeply interested in ancient prophecy. He disappears into his mystical texts for days at a time-- I sense that they're an escape for him."

"What do you do while he's escaped into his texts?"

"Study, train, keep on top of our mission assignments. Cook and clean, try to get some food into Master. No different than usual."

"How do you feel about being so self sufficient?"

"I understand why it's necessary and I have chosen to take it on. It can get exhausting though, especially when I have to handle duties that are above my authority as a padawan."

"Is that how your apprenticeship feels now? Exhausting?"

"Yes. And confusing. I feel gratitude and respect for Master Qui-Gon, but also frustration and resentment which I try very hard to let go of."

"Your frustration and resentment are perfectly natural and you have a right to feel them."

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

Master Dhakrit's firm certainty overpowered the part of Obi-Wan's brain that labeled those emotions as Dark and dangerous. It felt like a knot somewhere in his head had started to unsnarl. Obi-Wan resolved to meditate on this experience as soon as possible.

* * *

Quinlan had spent most of the day pouting because his bondmate had been pulled away from him less than twenty-four hours after their bond was repaired. Of course, he wasn't pouting very hard-- he was very thankful that Jinn was being investigated. He'd just indulged in a little petulance, that was all.

This view made up for it though: Quin was perched in the salle stands with Aayla beside him, watching his bondmate and Master Tholme train. Obi-Wan had a sleeveless tunic on and the ink on his biceps was fresh and crisp. His hair flickered like a candle flame under the fluorescent lights.

What really caught Quin's attention, though, was Obi's Force presence. Through the bond, he could feel the Force slipping in and out of linear time around his bondmate. And as dizzying as Quin found it, Obi was using it to his advantage. A lot of it was still a muddled mess, but Obi was making deliberate attempts to sort it out even as he fought. Once he had the process nailed down he was going to be damn near invincible with a saber.

Quin shivered. This was one of those moments where he caught a glimpse of Jedi Master Kenobi in the adorable teenager that Obi was now.

Aayla elbowed him in his side. "Quin? Why is the Force all weird around Obi?"

"Obi is prescient. That means that the Force shows him the future as well as the present. You're feeling the Force warp time around him."

"That's so cool! Can I be pres-ent when I'm a padawan?"

"I don't know, Aay. We'll see what gifts you develop. Maybe you'll be psychometric like me one day!"

Aayla shook her head emphatically, lekku bouncing. "No! I want to see the future like Obi." Her little scowl was so cute that Quin couldn't even feel too slighted.

Down on the floor, Obi dodged Tholme's blade via a one-handed back handspring. A lock of red hair escaped its bun and glued itself to a sweaty forehead. Obi had been doing some spectacular Ataru acrobatics today, working off nervous energy from three hours describing Jinn's shittiness to Yaddle.

Quin pulled out his pad to film the rest of the duel. Next time he was in the middle of a messy mission, this would make a fantastic pick-me-up.

Two minutes later, Tholme hit the floor with Obi's blade at his throat. Obi immediately reached down to help a delighted Tholme to his feet. Aayla cheered.

Quin just gaped.  _ Fuck _ ,  _ I'm so in love _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I restructured the Order a bit so that it makes some actual sense. The Knight Corps is the oldest of the corps and sort of the first among equals. Because of this, the High Council is both the council of the Knight Corps and the leading council for the entire order. The heads of each of the other corps join the High Council for decisions that affect the entire Order and the votes are weighted to give each corps equal power. The Master of the Order (Windu) is usually a master of the knight corps since knights are best equipped to handle senate political bs. 
> 
> Each of the corps is based out of a training temple (the knights are on Coruscant.) Initiates select their corps based on their talents, their teachers' advice, and the Force. They can be taken as apprentices once they're preteens but when they're around 13 (or species equivalent), those who haven't found masters yet move to their corps' temple to start specialized training and meet more potential masters. Padawan just means knight-apprentice; other corps have their own terms.
> 
> The Council of Reassignment is in charge of making sure learners end up in the right place for them. It's made up of masters from all the corps and it's (supposed to be) almost completely independent to shield the kiddos from republic politics. The CoR also runs the Training Oversight Office.
> 
> Did I overthink this? Yes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: slavery, emotional abuse/gaslighting, anxiety attack ft. dissociation

As soon as Obi-Wan and Master Tholme finished their cool-downs, Aayla hopped down from the stands and turned her huge pleading eyes on Obi.

"Obi, can you teach me that thing you did with the backflip and the slash down at Grandmaster's head? Please?"

Obi looked to Tholme for approval, then grabbed a wooden practice hilt from an equipment rack and held it out to his little protegé. "I don't know if you're quite ready for backflips over your grandmaster's head, Aay, but I can show you how I like to combine an attack with a flip or an aerial somersault. Master Qui-Gon tried to teach it to me, but I had to change it a little because Qui-Gon's as big as a bantha."

Aayla giggled and bounced eagerly on her toes. "He's shaggy like one too!"

Tholme, in the process of drinking from his water bottle, choked and coughed. Obi just grinned. "Don't insult banthas. They occasionally groom their fur."

Tholme actually snorted some water out his nose and Obi looked serenely unrepentant. He began guiding Aayla through some preparatory stretches.

Quin heard the bleachers creak and turned to see Bant Eerin and Siri Tachi climbing toward him. "Quinlan!" Bant greeted, "What a nice surprise!"

"Not a surprise," Siri corrected. "Obes said he was training in the salle, of course Quinlan was going to be here. The man never misses a chance to drool over his boyfriend."

"Can you blame me?" Quin asked. "Look at him. The only thing better than Obi sweaty and wielding a saber is Obi sweaty and wielding a saber while teaching my future padawan."

"Oh I bet I could think of a few things you'd like better," Siri leered.

Bant mimed gagging. "Siri, stop it. I don't want to think about my brother like that."

"But Quin does."

" _Siri."_

Fortunately for Bant's sanity, they were all distracted by Aayla's chirpy voice. "Quin, watch this!"

"I'm watching, Aay."

With Obi spotting her, Aayla performed a passable backflip with her practice hilt in roughly the right position for a strike. When she was back on her feet she demanded, "Did you see that Quin? I did it! I can fight like Obi now!"

"I saw! That was great, Aay."

Obi spotted his crechemates, gave Aayla's head an affectionate pat, and beelined for the bleachers. Quin could tell the exact moment Bant noticed the ink on Obi's arms: she squealed and threw herself onto him in a bearhug. "Oh my Force, look at your arms! I'm so happy for you Obi-Wan!"

Obi returned the hug with gusto. Siri stood to the aside, trying and failing to look uninterested. "Yeah, congrats Obes. Be sure to send out save-the-date cards soon, my schedule is pretty full four years from now."

To Siri's chagrin, Obi just rolled his eyes and hugged her too. "Thanks ever so. I didn't know you were back in Temple."

"We finished early. Our target was stupider than anticipated."

Tholme mounted the stands and began herding the collected padawans toward the refectory for dinner. Bant had replaced Obi as Aayla's object of fascination ("you're so _pretty!"_ ) and Aayla was now riding on Bant's shoulders. 

Obi's comm went off, interrupting his playful tussling with Siri. He checked it and stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, frowning.

Quin bumped up against Obi to read over his shoulder. "Yoda? What does Yoda want with you in the observatory at eight at night?"

"No idea. I guess I'll have to eat fast."

They proceeded on to the refectory but Obi was quiet throughout the meal. Fortunately Bant was full of stories from the five day rotation she'd just finished at one of the free clinics in the lower levels, and Aayla always talked enough for two.

As soon as his plate was empty, Obi took off for their quarters to shower and dress. Quinlan watched his retreating back with concern. He didn't like the idea of Obi meeting with Master Yoda alone in the middle of Jinn's investigation. There was nothing he could do about it, though. Master Yoda had requested it and what Yoda wanted, Yoda got.

* * *

"A long time it has been, young one, since examined myself I have as do I those who seek my counsel."

From where Obi-Wan sat, Master Yoda was only a dark silhouette against the night sky. Obi-Wan was accustomed by now to slipping in and out of time, but this was something new. In the observatory where Yoda had asked Obi-Wan to meet him, it was as if all of time existed at once, suspended.

"Therefore, done you a great disservice I have," Yoda continued. "Understand this I do, now. Call you here I did to explain so that understand you may as well. Show you, I must, that a great many things your fault were not."

"Grandmaster, you're not obligated to explain yourself to a padawan. I honor your wisdom."

"Right it is to honor wisdom of elders, padawan, but do what, will you, when your elders have been unwise?"

"I don't know, Grandmaster. Will you teach me?"

"Yes. Your right, this lesson is. Know, do you, how old am I?"

"857, Grandmaster. We learned in 'History of the Order.'"

"Yes, yes, very old. Trained dozens of padawans, I have. Still alive, only three. First padawan to die of old age, 231 years old I was. Grieved deeply, I did. Realized I did that die before me, all my padawans would, even those not yet born.

"Struggled wildly with attachment, I did. Clung to my lineage, I did, anticipating loss. Learned to let go I did slowly. Many hard lessons.

"By fifth century, mastered attachment and grief I had. Taught many others to let go I did. Taught padawans I did; watched them die I did, calm as windless lake.

"But in ninth century, to whisper of mortality the Force began. Another half century I will not see; tell me so, the Force does."

"Grandmaster, don't say that!"

"True, it is. Fret over me, you must not. My story I must complete."

"Apologies, Grandmaster."

Yoda acknowledged Obi-Wan with a nod. "When young your Master was, looked at him I did and saw the first of my lineage who outlive me, could. How many grandpadawans more before join the force, I do? No death but the Force, I say. Easier to believe it is when half a millenium from death one is.

"With mortality attachment came. Mastered only for a time, it was. Very precious Qui-Gon seemed. Suffered much he did. Final branch of my lineage, nearly broken by grief it was."

 **Truth** , the Force whispered. Obi-Wan sucked in a ragged breath, fighting against the constriction of his chest. 

"Fix it, I thought. Bring back Light I must. Chose one more addition to lineage I did. Bright, stubborn child; bent time around him, he did. 'Do not take this padawan,' I said to other Masters. 'Take this padawan,' I said to Qui-Gon. Heed me he did not.

"Another plan I made. To Bandomeer, Qui-Gon would go as diplomat. To Bandomeer child must also go. Treacherous the planet was. Protective, Qui-Gon would feel. 'Transfer learner to Bandomeer Outpost," I said to Sifo-Dyas. 

"Brought home a padawan, Qui-Gon did. Filed padawanship forms I did myself; backdated them to day before Bandomeer transfer I did. 

"Pain, I have caused you. Errors I have recognized these past days. Out of love I erred. Your fault, none of this was. Your forgiveness, I beg."

Obi-Wan could feel the truth of Yoda's words. His heart clenched at the thought of his Grandmaster watching padawan after padawan die. And as a trained diplomat, he knew that it was sometimes easier to manipulate with truths than with lies. Deep compassion and deep fury boiled up together from some unknown corner of his mind.

Obi-Wan lurched to his feet and began yanking his tunics off. In the low ambient light, dozens of old shiny welts cut across his back. There was a sharp intake of breath from Yoda.

"I see and grieve your pain, Grandmaster. Now I ask that you see mine. This is what an electrowhip does to the skin of a twelve-year-old human."

He turned to display the scars that wrapped around to his stomach, and he found Yoda averting his eyes.

"Please look at me, Master Yoda. This is Bandomeer. I was captured and enslaved for a month on a deep sea mining platform. I wore a bomb collar around my neck. I earned my apprenticeship by offering my life to rescue Qui-Gon from a blocked mineshaft-- by offering to blow up the collar and myself with it."

Obi-Wan paused to breathe and grab a firmer hold on his temper. "I don't know what to say to you, Grandmaster. I understand why you made the choices you did. It would be easier if I didn't. You put me in harm's way for the sake of your lineage, but am I not also part of your lineage?"

Yoda grumbled something unintelligible.

Chilblains were popping up on Obi-Wan's skin, so he wrapped his outer tunic around his shoulders. "With your permission, Grandmaster, I think I would like to be alone."

Shuffling steps, then a door thudded shut. Obi-Wan curled up on the floor against a window to try to make sense of Yoda's words. 

Nearly a third of his life had apparently been an artifice, designed by Yoda for Qui-Gon's benefit. How many decisions had Yoda made for Obi-Wan while Obi-Wan naively believed in his own free will? Had Obi-Wan's discipline or self-improvement affected the course of his apprenticeship at all? It was like Yoda had just seized the fabric of Obi-Wan's life and ripped out half the threads.

_Have I made a fool of myself all these years, believing myself a Jedi when I was really a service animal for Qui-Gon Jinn?_

* * *

At moments like these, Quinlan was devoutly thankful that Bant Eerin had returned to the Coruscant Temple for her pediatric specialization. If it weren't for the hundreds of germy little patients in the Creche, he'd be on his own with the fallout of whatever the old troll'd just done. Or more likely, he'd be trying to raise Bant on the comm at the Medicorps Temple at roughly 0200 local time.

She answered the door within seconds, shoes on and a thermos full of a calming herbal in her hands. "Quinlan? Did you feel anything from Obi down your bond?" 

"Yeah, awful wrenching freefall feeling. Don't know what Yoda said to him but it must have been fucked up."

"I felt it too, a little bit, and our old creche bond isn't nearly as strong. I was just about to go looking for you when you knocked."

"You think he's still in the observatory?"

"It seems like the best place to start if he hasn't returned to your quarters." Bant grabbed a small medical kit from the side table and steered Quin into the hall.

When they entered the observatory, the shadows were deep. Obi was almost invisible in the gloom but he was pouring despondency and vertigo into the Force.

Quin approached him softly. "Sweetheart? Did something happen?"

Obi gave a dry sob and wrapped his arms tighter around himself. Quin reached for him, intent on a good solid hug, but Obi flinched away. "No, don't, please!"

Shuffling backwards, Quin made his voice as low and soft as possible. "Hey, hey, you're safe, I'm not touching you, see? What's going on, Obi?"

"It wasn't real, Quin, nothing was real. You can't touch me, you'd feel it."

Bant stepped in. "That's fine, you don't have to touch anyone. Can you try breathing with me?" She inhaled loudly and slowly. Behind her back she signed at Quin-- _find-mind-healer-saw-morning-today._

Unfortunately, Quin didn't know the name of Obi's new healer. They probably weren't still on duty this late. He decided to try his luck with the psych clinic front desk.

"Coruscant Temple Psychiatric Clinic, Healer Apprentice Grame speaking, how may I help you?"

"My bondmate Senior Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi is having some sort of crisis and I need to contact his mindhealer."

"And what is your name, please?"

"Senior Padawan Quinlan Vos, apprentice to Master Shadow Tholme."

"Thank you, Padawan Vos. Please hold while I consult the Master on call."

Ninety seconds later, an adult's voice addressed him. "Thank you for your patience, Padawan Vos. Could you describe Padawan Kenobi's symptoms?"

"He met with Grandmaster Yoda alone about forty-five minutes ago and then there was this horrible feeling through our lifebond, sort of like vertigo but emotional. Healer Apprentice Bant Eerin felt it through her creche bond with him, too, so we went looking for him. He's hunched up against a window in the observatory room where he met with the Grandmaster, rocking a little bit and sort of dry-sobbing. He seems to have taken his tunics off; he's only got his outer tunic wrapped around him like a blanket. He said that 'None of it was real' and that I can't touch him because 'I would know'-- I'm psychometric. He flinched away from physical contact. His Master is under investigation by the Training Oversight Office right now, and Grandmaster Yoda is the head of his lineage."

"Thank you. You did well to call us, Padawan Vos. I have made note of his symptoms and I will call his mindhealer of record. What room should I direct his healer to?"

"The West Observatory, central room. Thanks so much."

"You are very welcome. The healer should arrive within fifteen minutes-- until then, just talk soothingly to him and try to avoid agitating him in any way. If the situation changes, please call us back."

Quin acknowledged the instructions and hung up. He turned to Bant, who was prodding her thermos into Obi's hands, and relayed the news to her.

Obi seemed more comfortable with Bant, so Quin backed off and went to the door to wait for the healer. His id wanted to be hurt by Obi's rejection, so he acknowledged the hurt, noticed that it was rooted in fear, and shoved it into the Force. The love of his life was having an awful breakdown and Quin was going to do whatever was necessary to get Obi through it. His id could go fuck itself.

* * *

Things were both better and worse with Quinlan's and Bant's Force signatures surrounding him, Obi-Wan found. They felt like home, but his place in that home was based on a lie. Everything was strangely dislocated and even his closest friendships felt off.

He wanted so badly to bury himself in Quin's chest and forget about the whole past hour, but that was out of the question. Quin would absorb all of Obi-Wan's emotions as soon as they made skin contact, and Obi-Wan couldn't bear to inflict this upon his bondmate.

Bant was a little safer-- no psychometry, at least-- so he let himself accept a thermos when she pressed it against his hands. She didn't try to touch him and he appreciated that. The rise and fall of her voice was nice.

After a while, a blur of healer's robes and fluff appeared in front of him-- Master Dhakrit, he realized, the mindhealer he'd spent the morning with. Their Force presence was warm and nice. With effort, Obi-Wan managed to focus enough to make out what they were saying.

"...the smell of the herbal tea. Just focus on the tea and breathe in."

Obi-Wan breathed.

"Good. Can you tell me what it smells like?"

"Chamomile?" Obi-Wan mumbled. "And… lavender?"

"Mhm. Now feel the thermos in your hands. Notice the weight, the texture, the temperature. What does it feel like?"

"Heavy. Smooth. Warm."

"Look up, now. Look at the room. Can you tell me three things in this room that are white?"

"The stars out the window. Your fur. My inner tunic on the floor." He was coming back to the room now. He noticed Bant and Quin by the door and sent them a weak smile. Seeing Obi-Wan alert, they both stepped out of the room to give him and his healer some privacy.

"Very good. Now, what can we do to help you feel safer?"

Obi-Wan sipped some tea while he considered the question. "I could put my tunics back on? That would cover up my scars."

Master Dhakrit picked up his inner tunic and shook the wrinkles out. They passed it to Obi-Wan, then repeated the process with his outer tunic, tabards, and obi.

Once all his clothing was in place, they bobbed their head approvingly. "Better?"

"Much. Thanks."

"You're very welcome. What else would help? Would you like me to turn on some lights?"

Obi-Wan nodded. Watching the tiny Master jump to reach the light switches was amusing-- he suspected that they made a production of it on purpose. Lit up, the observatory felt less otherworldly than it had during his conversation with the Grandmaster and that was nice too.

Master Dhakrit dropped back down in front of Obi-Wan and arranged their robes comfortably.

"Now we can talk, if you'd like. We can also meditate, or practice slow katas, or sit quietly while you drink your tea."

"I think-- I think I'd like to talk. I feel like a stranger in my own life and I'm not sure what to do, and maybe you might know?"

"Why don't you explain the problem and we'll see what can be done about it?"

Master Dhakrit's matter-of-fact attitude was strangely comforting. Listening to them, Obi-Wan almost believed that fixing this situation was possible.

Obi-Wan explained his conversation with Master Yoda in fits and starts. Master Dhakrit listened seriously with their ears tilted toward him and nudged him to have a drink of tea each time he got stuck. When the story was done, Master Dhakrit sat in silence for a moment, nose twitching pensively. Then they spoke.

"To start with, you don't need to be worrying about touching the Dark. You are nowhere close. Many of your foundational beliefs about your history and your relationships were just destroyed; you have good reason to feel betrayal, confusion, fear, and any number of other emotions."

"Are you certain? If so much of my free will was a sham, am I really in control of my mind either?"

"You are. I know this because at this moment you are making a crucial choice: to accept help that is offered to you and look for a healthy resolution to your emotions."

"Oh."

"Indeed. Let's review the things which are in your control and the things which are not. The process of choosing your corps and taking a master: these choices were stolen from you, do you agree?"

Obi-Wan nodded.

"Your bravery on Bandomeer should not have been necessary, but nonetheless-- the specific courageous actions which convinced Master Jinn to take you on were your own, yes?"

"I guess they were."

"You see, you made choices within the circumstances that Yoda and Jinn created. Now, on Melida-Daan, the circumstances were created by Master Jinn. He forced you to make a decision that should never have been placed upon you and he abandoned his child to fight a war. But within those circumstances, you worked very hard to follow the will of the Force." 

"I chose to lead the Young even when everything was hopeless because I thought it was right."

"You did. Do you notice a pattern? If we think about Master Jinn's near-Fall and the emotional disturbances that followed, these were caused in part by Master Jinn's refusal to accept help or process his grief. Your circumstances were imposed upon you, but you chose to persevere, seek training from other sources, and care for your master with compassion. Are your achievements truly reduced by the bad decisions the rest of your lineage made?"

"Oh. I hadn't thought about it like that."

Another agreeable head bob. "Let us consider one of the most positive things in your life. Your lifebond was initiated by the Force, but you and your partner built your relationship--"

"Even when Master Jinn tried to separate us. And now we're wearing betrothal bands."

"Congratulations, by the way."

"Thank you."

There were a couple beats of silence while Obi-Wan digested the conversation. Then Master Dhakrit twitched their nose again. "The ideas we just talked about-- how do they feel to you?"

"They feel… somewhat true? I need to meditate on them. I do feel less helpless."

"That is good."

"I think that I'm angrier at Grandmaster Yoda now, though."

"I'm not surprised. You're starting to grieve your relationships with your lineage, and grief is a messy process. As long as you work through the anger and don't let it fester, you'll be fine."

Obi-Wan really wanted to believe that. "So what happens now?"

"We will continue to talk regularly for as long as you find it useful. The Training Oversight Office will help you decide how to move forward with your apprenticeship."

"I don't think that I can stay with Master Qui-Gon anymore. I love him and I feel guilty about leaving him, but there have been too many lies and secrets in our lineage. I don't know how we could move on from this."

"Then with your permission, I will send Master Yaddle the basic details of what happened tonight along with a recommendation that you be reassigned."

"Yes, please. I would appreciate that."

"Now go hug your bondmate before he goes out of his mind with worry, and try to get some sleep."

"Yes, Master."

* * *

Returning from a light morning spar with Plo, Mace found two massive shatterpoints hovering over his datapad. Groaning, Mace pulled up his inbox.

There were three new messages. The oldest was from Yoda-- official notice that he had recused himself indefinitely from all Council matters concerning Jinn, Kenobi, or any other member of his immediate lineage. _The kriff is he up to now?_

The second message was personal, also from Yoda. It took Mace several seconds to talk himself into opening it. As soon as he did, he saw red.

Yoda had taken it upon himself to inform Obi-Wan of the actual circumstances of Obi-Wan's apprenticeship-- without so much as warning any of the other Masters concerned with the boy's wellbeing. The conversation had gone as badly as anyone might have expected, although Yoda somehow seemed surprised by the boy's reaction.

And then, Obi-Wan had pulled off his tunics to show Yoda _electrowhip scars_ _from weeks enslaved on a deep-sea mining platform._

 _What the fuck. What the_ **_fuck._ **

Mace allowed himself a moment to imagine defenestrating the troll's self righteous ass out the top of the Sith-damned High Council Tower before forcing himself to calm down and open the third message. The shatterpoints eased a little.

The message was from Yaddle on behalf of the Training Oversight Office. Obi-Wan's mindhealer had submitted an account of Yoda's actions and a reassignment request from the padawan himself. Mace was officially invited to submit his name to the TOO as a candidate for Obi-Wan's reassignment.

Mace immediately filled out the attached submission form and sent it back to Yaddle. Then he acknowledged receipt of Yoda's recusal and decided to ignore Yoda's personal note until some unspecified future time. Frankly, Mace had better things to worry about.

The first step was to draft a petition for a personal assistant. If he was going to adopt a padawan, he needed to make sure he had time to spend with the boy. Some young knight consular would think that sorting through Mace's paperwork was a plum assignment.

The next order of business was the padawan room. He messaged Depa and requested that she finally remove her belongings from his apartment; she agreed to come over after the morning Council session to help clean.

Two more messages went out in quick succession. One was to his own mindhealer, requesting an appointment as soon as possible to work through his feelings about Obi-Wan's situation. The other went to Jocasta, asking about literature on teaching a traumatized apprentice. 

Finally, he downloaded a copy of Obi-Wan's complete initiate and padawan records and started annotating. If and when Obi-Wan accepted Mace's offer, Mace was going to shake every last detail of the boy's apprenticeship out of Jinn. He needed to be prepared.

Above the datapad, one of the shatterpoints had almost entirely resolved itself. Mace was too busy planning his interrogation of Jinn to notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discussion question: what would living for nine centuries do to a person? How would half a millenium as leader of a religous/military organization distort someone's personality?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course the Jedi have pre-marriage counseling, what do you take them for?!
> 
> Mush, honestly. Just irredeemable mush.

The lunch dishes were clean, the counters were wiped down, Master Tholme's minimal furniture was dusted, and Obi-Wan still had two hours to fret away before his appointment at the Training Oversight Office. A list of prospective Masters had been assembled, the summons had informed him. He was to meditate over the list with two Master Educators at 14:30.

Obi-Wan headed toward the hall closet for a broom but Quin wrapped an arm around his waist as he passed. The contact was grounding, so Obi-Wan let himself be tugged down onto the sofa.

Quin had abandoned his datapad of trafficking evidence on the side table. "You're going to work yourself into a panic, babe. Wanna talk about it?"

Flopping numbly against his bondmate, Obi-Wan picked at his nails. "I'm so confused, Quin. I know why I asked to be reassigned and logically I know it was the right choice but my emotions are such a tangle. There's all this guilt about leaving Qui-Gon and I'm afraid that no Master will want me this time either. I fought so hard for Qui-Gon to take me on and now I'm throwing that away."

"You just found out that Yoda stopped several Masters from offering for you, right? Doesn't that help?"

"Maybe a little? But I've spent years thinking that Qui-Gon was the only Master who would take me. That still _feels_ real and the conversation yesterday hasn't sunk in yet. I think it may have made me more confused."

"Huh, ok, that's valid."

"...But I can't keep myself from hoping that maybe a Master will _choose_ me this time. When I was a junior padawan I used to daydream about Qui-Gon finding me after my last initiate tournament and telling me I fought well and asking me to be his apprentice. And now I have a second chance for something like that to actually happen and I'm scared."

Quinlan was making a face like he had a stomach cramp. "Fuck, sweetheart--"

"What was it like? When Master Tholme chose you, I mean."

"I guess I didn't have one specific moment. I had kind of latched onto him when my parents died so it wasn't a surprise. I remember it being a relief, though-- making it official after I'd lost my birth family."

"Is it very different from having a father?"

"Nah, it's not. Master Tholme is a lot more involved in my education, and raising kids is pretty communal in the Temple, obviously. Other than that it's not too different."

Obi-Wan hummed in response and dropped his head onto Quinlan's shoulder.

Quin chuckled at a memory he was relieving. "You know what was an adventure, though? Tholme figuring out what to do with my hair. His is stick straight. The first few attempts at a padawan braid were a disaster."

"Is it difficult?"

"A big part of the problem was that he couldn't get me to sit still for more than a minute at a time."

"Oh dear." That made sense. At age twenty, Quin went for daily runs on top of his combat training. He volunteered to teach the sort of initiates' athletics classes that exhausted most adult Jedi. Little Quinlan must have been a sugar rush incarnate.

"In all seriousness, though, Tholme was great but it was still hard to go from my parents to just my Master. So I get that this is weird for you."

"Will you walk over to the Office with me? I don't really want to be alone with my thoughts right now."

"'Course I will. Anything to make this easier on you."

* * *

The Training Oversight Office was decorated in the same deliberately soothing neutrals and potted plants as the Psychiatric Clinic, Obi-Wan discovered. When he was dragged to the Office at sixteen by Master Tholme, Obi-Wan had been too anxious to notice his surroundings. Now he was controlling his anxiety by listing off every detail of the decor.

He parted reluctantly with Quin at one of half a dozen windowless doors on a beige hallway. The Master Educators were waiting for him in a space that was half meditation room, half conference center. Obi-Wan recognized Master Winnower from the official investigation interview with Master Yaddle, but the other Educator looked only vaguely familiar.

"Please take a seat, Obi-Wan," Winnower beckoned. "Allow me to introduce my colleague Master Gela. She is an expert on the dynamics of Master-apprentice relationships." 

"I am honored, Masters." A round of bowing ensued.

"It is our privilege to guide you in the reassignment process," Winnower continued. "It is a bit different from the assignment process for new apprentices; your apprenticeship up to this point and the experiences that led to the dissolution of your first Master-apprentice partnership must be taken into consideration. We have prepared a list of suitable Masters who are interested in taking you on; I believe you are acquainted with everyone on your list, but we will review their respective strengths and weaknesses and answer any questions you may have." 

"Afterward, the three of us will meditate together on the names," Master Gela contributed. "The Force will reveal to us the most promising Master candidate. You will then schedule a private meeting with that Master in which you will discuss your needs and boundaries as well as their teaching style and expectations. If the conversation is successful, you will meditate jointly with the Master to make the final determination of compatibility. If either the conversation or meditation is unsuccessful, we will meet again to determine which prospective Master you should see next. The process will continue until you find a compatible Master."

Winnower gave Obi-Wan a reassuring smile. "Do not be discouraged if the first candidate you speak with is not right for you. The Force may lead you through a series of candidates so that you may learn about yourself and your purpose in the Order. Do you have any questions before we begin?"

"What happens if I do not find a Master?"

"Unless you are meant for a life outside the Order, you will find a Master. The Light is in harmony with itself-- you will not be asked to become a knight but denied a path to achieve this."

Well, in that case… if there was one thing that the Force had been clear on throughout Obi-Wan's life, it was that he was meant for knighthood. He nodded to the Masters. "Shall we?"

Winnower responded by holding out a datapad. Obi-Wan accepted it but hesitated before turning the screen on. He screwed his eyes shut and reached out to the Force one more time for reassurance. **_Knight_ ** , it whispered to him as always. **_Knight_ **. 

Obi-Wan clicked the screen on and looked down. And stared.

**Galen Malihar, Master Consular**

**Cin Drallig, Master Guardian, Battlemaster of the Order**

**Scitistias'Lia, Master Consular**

**Mace Windu, Master Consular, Master of the Order**

**Yi-Plaath, Master Consular, Master of the Council of Reconciliation**

**Saesee Tiin, Master Consular, High Councillor**

"I, uh..."

"Obi-Wan? Is something the matter?" Gela sounded bemused.

"Is this list, er, are you certain that it's…?"

"Yes, padawan, we are quite certain about the list. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that it includes several of the Order's most revered diplomats, and the Battlemaster. And the Master of the Order?"

"Oh yes, there was quite a bit of interest in your reassignment. Now, the first candidate listed is Master Malihar, who was pleased with your performance in his class…" Gela went on to list Malihar's qualities, then those of the other Masters in turn, but Obi-Wan was preoccupied.

 _'Quinlan!'_ he called down the lifebond. _'Quin! I need you!'_

A wave of concern washed through the bond. _'Babe? What happened?'_

Obi-Wan projected an image of the list down the bond.

Quin sent a glow of satisfaction back in response. _'Not bad. A couple of them are just about good enough for you.'_

 _'Good enough for_ me _? Quin, the list includes two of the Order's greatest living diplomats, the head of the Council of Reconciliation, the Battlemaster, a High Councillor, and the Master of the Order.'_

_'Obi-Wan, you know my feelings about Jinn, but you've been apprenticed to one of the Order's "greatest living diplomats" for years.'_

_'That's just Qui-Gon though. And he didn't actually want me.'_

_'Well it looks like some people have better taste in padawans than Jinn.'_

_'Quin, be serious.'_

_'I am being serious. You realize that Master Windu went fishing for an excuse to attend our psych appointment literally two days ago, right?'_

_'He did?'_

_'That was meant to be Master Yaddle's duty, Obi. She's the one running your investigation.'_

_'Oh.'_

_'Yeah,_ oh. _'_

_'Hush, you.'_

_'Nope. Somebody's got to be the voice of reason in this relationship.'_

_'And that's you, is it?'_

_'Yep. You're welcome! Now go pay attention to whatever's going on at your appointment.'_

_'Yes, darling.'_ Obi-Wan shoved the sensation of rolling one's eyes down the bond before refocusing on the Master Educators. There was nothing better than bickering with his bondmate for distracting himself from an impending anxiety attack.

Gela had worked her way through the list of prospective Masters and was now weighing Master Tiin's experience in ceasefire negotiations against his relative dearth of field missions as a High Councillor. Obi-Wan listened politely until she concluded her remarks.

"Do you have any questions for us, padawan? We'd like you to feel completely prepared for our meditation."

Obi-Wan knew every Master on the list either by reputation or through his classes, so he wasn't too concerned with background knowledge. He didn't truly feel prepared for the meditation, but that had more to do with the Unifying Force swirling around him and causing the hair at his nape to bristle. _Not a great moment for a vision,_ he griped at the Force.

The Force ignored him. Obi-Wan pasted on a calm smile and gave the Masters a shallow bow. "No, no questions. I thank you for your thorough presentation."

"In that case, we will proceed. Master Winnower and I will guide the meditation; you only need to relax and let the Force flow through you unimpeded. When you are ready, close your eyes and breathe."

Obi-Wan obediently closed his eyes and let himself dissolve into the everpresent Light. He could feel the two Educators do the same. They began to guide the Energy with intention but around Obi-Wan the Force swirled faster and wilder, preparing to wrench itself out of time. Obi-Wan could feel the Educators' confusion as the Force overwhelmed their channeling like raging floodwater.

**_Sudden heat and the smell of burning hair. The resonance of an ignited saber. A thin coil of hair and beads pressed into his hand._ **

**_"Rise, Jedi, Knight of the Republic." Master Koon's voice presiding, not Master Windu's, which should have seemed strange but didn't._ **

**_A large hand on Obi-Wan's arm helped him to his feet. Obi-Wan turned and there was Master Windu, glowing with fatherly pride. Obi-Wan bowed and offered up the newly severed lock. "Please accept my braid and my gratitude, Master."_ **

**_Master Windu pulled Obi-Wan into a hug. "Training you has been one of the great joys of my life, Knight Kenobi. The gratitude is all mine."_ **

Obi-Wan came back to himself on the floor of the small conference room, eyes full of tears. _Please let this one vision be true,_ he begged the Force. He wanted it so badly.

The Master Educators were gathering themselves from the floor as well. Master Winnower looked bemused. "That was the prescience, I presume." 

"Yes, Master. I apologise for pulling you into it. I ought to have warned you."

"No apologies necessary, padawan. We sought guidance and the Force provided."

"Rather vehemently," Gela observed. "I will contact Master Windu now and let him know that you wish to speak with him."

Another round of bows, and Obi-Wan left the conference room in a daze. _The Master of the Order. Like as not, I'm about to be apprenticed to the Master of the Order._

Obi-Wan felt a little faint.

* * *

Fifteen minutes after he received the coveted message from the Training Oversight Office, Mace found a bashful redhead hovering outside Mace's favorite meditation room. Mace entered the door code and herded the boy inside.

"I've been given to understand that during your reassignment appointment, you experienced a vision of your knighting day in which I cut your braid."

Obi-Wan blushed and scuffed his foot. "Yes, Master Windu. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me."

"No need to thank me, Obi-Wan. I was very pleased when Master Gela contacted me. Are you familiar with the conversation and meditation that determine the compatibility of a Master and apprentice?" At this point, Mace thought it was safer not to make any assumptions about Obi-Wan's experiences under Jinn.

"I don't suppose that a bomb collar is meant to be involved?"

"No, indeed not." Pessimism rewarded once again. "First we must discuss our expectations and boundaries."

"Would you mind starting, please? I'm not entirely sure where to begin."

"Of course I can. As your Master, there are a few things I'd focus on: getting your prescience under control is an obvious concern, as well as stabilizing your mental health. In your role as a consular, I would prepare you for knighthood by transitioning you toward working independently or as leader of a delegation rather than as assistant to your Master. In the salle, I would have you diversify your technique by training with many Masters; a young Jedi should choose their dominant saber form through a process of self- reflection that begins with exploration. I would teach you Vaapad so that you could find out whether it is useful for you, but I would not insist upon you adopting it.

"My views on emotion, especially anger, are unorthodox. I sublimate anger into constructive action rather than processing it to the point of complete release as most Jedi do. I would expect you to consider and understand my beliefs, but I would ask that you adopt the approach to emotion that is healthiest for you, whether that is my approach or a more conventional one.

"I do not take as many field missions as most Master Consulars-- my Council duties take up a truly astonishing amount of time. I have already drafted up a petition for a personal assistant so that I would have more time to spend with you. I would send you on solo missions and missions with other Masters rather than keeping you in Temple when I am stuck in the Council Chamber. I am not taking an apprentice so that they can organize my Council notes.

"My expectations of a padawan are fairly straightforward: they should care for their safety and health as well as possible within the demands of their duties; work hard in classes and training and come to me for help when they have difficulties rather than struggling alone; obey my commands in dangerous situations but otherwise talk to me about directions they don't understand or agree with; and be honest with me about their needs and challenges so that I can support them. 

"With adult padawans, my preferred discipline for poor decisions involves remedial study in deficient areas, joint meditation on errors, and essays of several thousand words on especially severe lapses in judgement. I also expect a padawan to rectify the natural consequences of their errors to the extent that this is safe and reasonable.

"I expect any padawan to make mistakes-- the Force knows I made some truly spectacular ones at your age. I aim to help my padawan work through them when they do happen; I never want an apprentice of mine to fear me."

Obi-Wan was nibbling on his lower lip. "Would you ever, er, stop speaking to me as a punishment? Or stop me from communicating with my friends or Quinlan?"

"Absolutely not. That isn't discipline, it's emotional manipulation, and it shouldn't have happened to you. I may tell you to stay in to study or meditate rather than meet up with your friends, but I will never make you cut contact."

The depth of relief on Obi-Wan's face had disturbing implications. "Will you ask me to completely drop my shields or give you free access to my entire mind?"

"No! Your mind is your own and I will respect your privacy at all times." _Fuck a Sith, what's Jinn been doing to his padawan?_

"Even the lifebond?"

"Especially the lifebond. The Force has given you and Vos a great gift and I have neither the right nor the desire to interfere. Actually, I would strongly encourage the two of you to begin pre-consecration meditations with an experienced bonding counselor."

"Really?"

"Yes. You've both been through a lot with the blocked bond. I'd like you to have plenty of time to work through any issues that arise while you both still have Masters to support you."

"Oh. That sounds really nice, actually."

"I'd have to talk to Tholme about this, but I would also like to start training the two of you as field partners. Lifebonds make for particularly effective knight-teams, but we would need to adapt your skill-sets for both Shadow work and diplomacy."

Obi-Wan giggled. "Force, can you imagine Quin taking tea with Senators or ballroom dancing with planetary royalty? I still have to remind him to keep his elbows off the table!"

"Well, Jinn's managed all these years. I'm sure that between the two of us we can get some polish on Padawan Vos."

"Master Qui-Gon would show up to high tea in muddy boots and grass stains if I didn't intervene. Or still high on grass, one of the two. He just channels Dooku when he has to interact with aristocrats."

Mace snorted. "Then there's hope yet for your bondmate. He's a handsome young man, he'll look good in formal robes and that covers for a multitude of sins." He waited a moment for the giggles to subside. "What else do you need from a potential Master?"

"I have some, ah, issues with alcohol. It's a Melida-Daan thing-- we had to use grain alcohol as antiseptic and pain relief, along with spice. It's safe for me to have a drink or two socially, but it would really be better not to keep any in my quarters if that's possible."

Apparently Mace's liquor collection would be going to live with Plo. Plo wouldn't mind. "That can be done."

"And you mentioned stabilizing my mental health-- does that include me continuing to see a mindhealer? Master Qui-Gon is allergic to mental healthcare and I'm sick of arguing with him about it. I didn't actually get to finish my Council-mandated sessions when I was fourteen."

"Of course you can see your mindhealer. I've been working with my own mindhealer since I was a junior padawan and I know how much it helps. If you're willing, I'd like to have occasional meetings with you and your healer so that I know how to support you."

"Yes, please. I'd like that."

"What else would you like me to know?"

"I have to be careful about food. I stop eating under stress. Unless something urgent comes up, I need my Master to respect my schedule and not ask me to skip meals."

"That's reasonable." Privately, Mace resolved to start carrying extra protein bars on missions-- nothing was going to stop his kid from eating if he could help it.

"I also just… need to be able to trust that if I've done something wrong, or you're upset with me, you'll tell me. I can't take anymore guessing games and trying to read my Master's mind. I feel as if I've been on edge for years now. There have been so many secrets and lies in my lineage that I don't feel safe there anymore. It's why I asked to be reassigned. I need to know where I stand with you."

Mace could cheerfully murder Jinn and Yoda right now. It would bring him so much joy that he might not even Fall. "Obi-Wan, I promise to communicate with you. We will have frequent conversations about your strengths and weaknesses, we will make decisions about your training together, and whatever happens, I will work through it with you. The trust between Master and apprentice is sacred; we will build it and maintain it _together_."

Obi-Wan looked up at Mace with fragile hope in his eyes. "May I ask, if it isn't too impertinent...why did you offer for me?" The last bit came out in a rush.

Mace took a second to put his thoughts together; he sensed that if he messed this question up now, he'd never get another shot at it.

"In the short time we've been training together, I've grown rather fond of you. I want to teach you; each time I work with you, I think of a dozen other lessons that I'd like to share with you. I enjoy teaching in general, and you're the most inspiring student I've had since Depa."

Obi-Wan snuffled and ducked his head to hide watery eyes. Mace reached out and laid his hand gently on the boy's shoulder. "Are you alright, padawan?"

"I'm sorry about this, I don't know what's come over me."

"Don't apologise for showing emotion, Obi-Wan. Let us meditate and see if we can't get this sorted out."

The boy nodded and closed his eyes. Mace let his awareness diffuse out into the Force. Obi-Wan's presence was familiar to him after a number of workshops and lessons but this time there was a new element of vulnerability to it.

Mace could understand why. In their previous meditations they had applied specific skills to Obi-Wan's prescience. This meditation had no fixed agenda; the objective was simply to open their emotions to each other and see whether there was potential for a deeper connection. Simpler, but far more difficult.

At first all Mace could feel from his meditation partner was some general nervousness and self-consciousness. He extended his presence toward Obi-Wan and projected reassurance and patient curiosity. 

Obi-Wan's response was tentative. Mace was reminded of a mission in his padawan days when he'd offered food to a child trafficking victim. She had reached for it slowly, haltingly, expecting him to rip it away from her at any moment. Obi-Wan's mental contact now felt just like that.

Mace unfurled his own Force presence a bit more, offering up his admiration and affection for Obi-Wan to investigate. The boy drew closer, circling and studying but never making contact.

There was a fleeting impression of a held breath, then Obi-Wan pushed forward a knot of stunned-euphoric-off balance-fearful-grateful-guilty-ashamed-hopeful-pleasepleaseplease. Mace carefully approached, radiating calm acceptance and gratitude. Like Obi-Wan, he examined without touching.

There were years of frustrated longing wrapped up in the tangle-- fantasies and daydreams of being welcomed unreservedly into his Master's life that were utterly impossible until suddenly they were made true by the last person Obi-Wan had ever expected. Mace felt the exquisite pain of acute compassion wrap around his heart and squeeze to bursting. He didn't try to control that emotion; he broadcast it into the Force for Obi-Wan to observe.

A tiny tendril of Obi-Wan's Force presence reached out, lured by Mace's compassion, and closed the gap between the Master's mind and the padawan's. Mace welcomed Obi-Wan, wrapping him in fond warmth. A Master's recognition reverberated through the Force: **_My padawan. My child._ **

_Well, that's that question answered,_ Mace mused. _The Force certainly knows what it wants today._ He began easing Obi-Wan and himself out of the meditation, taking care to avoid any inadvertent signals of rejection.

They disentangled their emotions and opened their eyes, but Mace realized that he could still feel Obi-Wan's presence at the back of his mind. He took a closer look and found a fine golden filament connecting them: a training bond in its infancy.

Mace poured a trickle of contentment into the bond. Obi-Wan noticed the unexpected emotion and startled, blinking at Mace in question.

"Evidently we formed a training bond without meaning to. If that's not a sign of compatibility, I don't know what is. Obi-Wan Kenobi, will you accept me as your Master, to teach you and guide you until the day you are elevated to knighthood?"

"Yes, Master Windu. I accept." Obi-Wan sent a pulse of joy across their new bond. 

Mace smiled and opened his arms. He pulled Obi-Wan to his chest just as his new padawan began to sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Formatting is a nightmare. We already had people thinking, people talking, the Force talking to people, and in-universe datapad text. Now introducing: Force visions and people talking via Force bonds!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: gaslighting and general emotional abuse, brief discussion of suicide (sort of-- the mine on Bandomeer)

Mace needed answers.

His conversation with Obi-Wan the day before had turned up fragments of multiple traumas but not enough to piece together a narrative-- not enough for Mace to grasp whatever internal logic ran through Obi-Wan's relationship with Jinn. Mace was sure that if he set out to teach Obi-Wan without understanding the dynamics of the padawan's previous apprenticeship, he would stumble into old landmines.

And so Mace found himself outside Jinn's quarters, Obi-Wan's training records in hand.

A haggard Jinn answered the door roughly two minutes after Mace first knocked. The man's eyes were bloodshot, though whether that was from tears, lack of sleep, or the smoke of some herbal intoxicant was anyone's guess. "Master Windu. May I help you?"

"Good morning, Qui-Gon. May I come in?"

Jinn hesitated, grasping for a polite excuse to refuse. Coming up empty, he finally gestured with a jerk of his head for Mace to enter. Not expecting Jinn's company manners to improve, Mace helped himself to a seat in the living room. 

Jinn sank down on a sofa that was a nest of crumpled blankets and stale crumbs. "What do you need, Mace?"

"As I'm sure you've been notified by now, Obi-Wan has accepted my offer to take over his apprenticeship. I'd like to discuss his training with you. Let us make this transition as easy for him as possible."

A soul-deep sigh. "I don't think I can tell you anything that'll make a difference. Do you understand the task you're taking on?"

"Explain it to me, please."

"You will be the rope binding Obi-Wan to the Light. You will have to restrain his anger, his defiance, his lust, and if you can keep him from slipping your bonds for long enough you might manage to knight him before he Falls."

"And how do you suggest that I go about binding him?"

"Do you think I know? I failed. Obi-Wan defied a Master with half a decade's experience of his faults; what can be done with him that I haven't tried?"

_Most of the Order's responsible and healthy child-rearing practices, probably._ "I couldn't say, since I don't know what you _have_ tried."

Jinn sagged deeper into the sofa. "Fine. If you're determined, ask away."

Mace opened up the training records on his datapad and briefly tilted the screen to let Jinn see what he was reading from. "I'd like to get a sense of how Obi-Wan has progressed thus far. You took him on around the time of his thirteenth birthday, right? Why did you choose to take him?"

"Initially, I had my doubts. He was angry and uncontrolled. He thought only of his desire to be a knight and rejected the will of the Force, too prideful to accept his place in the Agricorps."

_So Jinn doesn't know about Yoda's manipulation. And he has absorbed that blasted persistent prejudice against the other corps._ "How did those failings show in his behavior?"

"He fought with aggression in his last Initiate tournament and then begged me to take him on when I reprimanded him. Followed me around the ship on the way to Bandomeer, making tooka eyes and prying into my mission. Refused to stay at the Agricorps barracks when we arrived on planet and got himself kidnapped."

"What changed your mind about him?"

"Xanatos trapped me in a blocked mine shaft. Obi-Wan was with me at the time, still wearing an explosive collar from his earlier misadventures. He offered to blast open the door to the shaft by setting off his collar. At that moment the difference between him and Xanatos was night and day."

Mace choked on bile. _"A bomb collar isn't meant to be involved,"_ the boy had said when Mace asked if he knew the process for taking an apprentice. Mace'd thought he'd meant that he'd still been wearing the collar when Jinn offered for him, not that Jinn had taken him on _specifically because Obi-Wan had offered to kill himself for Jinn._

Only decades of Vaapad practice kept Mace's face impassive. _For Obi-Wan,_ he reminded himself. _Finish picking Jinn's brain so that you know how to help your padawan._ "Brave and selfless, hm?"

"Two qualities that can't be taught. Control can be. That's why I took him on."

"And the control? How did that develop?"

"It didn't, at least not until after Melida-Daan. He became infatuated with a local girl and the Darkness of the war turned his head, so when I reminded him of the mission he pulled his weapon on his own Master."

That was… either a gross misunderstanding of the padawan's experience on Melida-Daan, or an outright lie. "How did the two of you move past that when he returned to the Temple?"

"He spent months on probation, fortunately, which gave me time to assess how deeply the Dark had touched him. It was a close thing, but he wasn't too far gone-- in the Light of the Temple he realized how he had erred and I decided to take him back."

_Take him back? What?_ Obi-Wan had never ceased to be Jinn's padawan. "His records show a medical probation, not a disciplinary one. Is that a clerical error?"

"No, I suppose his probation technically was medical. The Council wasn't aware of his real actions-- I didn't want to see him excommunicated before I decided whether he could be rehabilitated-- so he wasn't disciplined. He and I both knew that a disciplinary probation was warranted, though, so we treated it like one."

"What did that entail?"

"Close supervision, many joint meditations to scrape the lingering Darkness out of his mind. He lived in the padawan dormitories rather than my quarters during that time. I had to remove him from his mindhealers' care because they were encouraging him to wallow in anger and pain rather than letting go."

"And he knew you were assessing him to decide whether he had a future as a padawan?"

"Yes, we discussed it. He demonstrated his commitment to the Order, so we renewed his padawan vows."

Obi-Wan's records showed that he'd accompanied Jinn on an unsanctioned mission to apprehend Jinn's Fallen former apprentice during that time period. Mace suspected that Obi-Wan had won back his apprenticeship by demonstrating loyalty to Jinn personally, not to the Order. A pattern was emerging: Jinn accepted Obi-Wan as his student when the boy obeyed and enabled Jinn, and rejected him when he did not. 

Mace decided to continue teasing out Jinn's memories to see if the pattern continued. "Did Obi-Wan's control improve after the probationary period?"

"It seemed to. Then he met Padawan Vos and became infatuated all over again."

"The new relationship was a distraction?"

"To put it lightly. He lost all focus on his duties-- got himself injured on New Apsolon and delayed me rescuing Tahl. After she died, I struggled against my grief. I didn't want to see him suffer the way I did, so I did what I could to protect him."

"You mean the lifebond."

"Yes. I helped him fortify his mind against the Dark in every way I knew. I thought I had succeeded. And then two weeks ago, he left his messaging app open on his datapad and I learned that I'd been deceived."

According to Obi-Wan's testimony, Jinn had nearly Fallen after Tahl's death and shortly before blocking Obi-Wan's lifebond. So Jinn had responded to his own problems by manipulating his padawan's romantic relationship. 

_Projection,_ Mace realized. _He projected his own attachment issues and Darkness onto Obi-Wan, then tried to deal with them by controlling Obi-Wan's behavior. And he's just told me the story of his own life since Xanatos, but with his apprentice as the main character in his stead. None of this was about Obi-Wan at all._

Mace stared at Jinn, feeling like he was seeing the man for the first time. "Thank you for your cooperation. This interview has been highly informative."

"You're welcome. I wish you luck with your new student."

"I don't need luck, Jinn. I need you to stay away from Obi-Wan at least until he's knighted. No physical contact, no messages or holocalls. Consider this a restraining order-- if you break it, I will gladly file an official one."

Jinn looked like he'd been punched in the gut. "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me. Stay. Away. Obi-Wan never deserved your bullshit in the first place and he's had more than enough of it by now."

"I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this vitriol."

"Don't worry, I'm sure enough for the both of us. You spent half a decade manipulating Obi-Wan in order to avoid facing your own Darkness. You abused him, Jinn. I understand that you've been through your own traumas, but what you did to Obi-Wan was abuse."

"I…!"

"No. We're done here. When you get a chance, ask your mindhealer what 'projection' means. It should prove enlightening."

Mace slammed out of Jinn's quarters, intent on finding Cin for a spar.

* * *

With the matter of Obi-Wan's apprenticeship sorted out, the end of the investigation came quickly. Two days after accepting Master Windu's offer, Obi-Wan found himself standing before the full High Council again, Qui-Gon a couple yards to his right.

"This Council will come to order," Master Koon rumbled. Master Windu and Grandmaster Yoda had both recused themselves as members of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's lineages, Obi-Wan had learned. Master Koon was therefore presiding. "The matter at hand is the presentation of conclusions in the investigation of Qui-Gon Jinn's fitness to teach as performed by the Training Oversight Office. These conclusions will be adopted by this Council as basis for disciplinary action and psychiatric treatment as warranted. Master Yaddle, in your capacity as Liaison to the Council of Reassignment, please read out the conclusions."

"I will do so," Yaddle affirmed gravely. She lifted a datapad from her lap and clicked the screen on. "In the investigation of Master Consular Qui-Gon Jinn's fitness to teach, initiated on Day 19 of the Fifth Month, 961 ARR, and concluded on Day 25 of the Fifth Month, 961 ARR, Lead Investigator Master Educator Winnower, Adjunct Investigator Master Educator Gela, and Psychiatric Consultants Master Healers Dhakrit, Matarra, Vale, Ghet Al, and Ersau, and Healer Saar, hereafter referred to as 'the Investigators,' under mandate of the High Council represented by Liaison High Councillor Yaddle, do find that Master Consular Jinn is unfit to teach an apprentice on grounds of emotional abuse, neglect of emotional and physical health and safety, and insufficient grounding in the Light.

"Senior Padawan Consular Obi-Wan Kenobi is therefore removed from the tuition of Master Consular Jinn. Tuition of Senior Padawan Consular Kenobi is awarded to Master Consular Mace Windu in accordance with Padawan Kenobi's wishes. 

"Master Consular Jinn is barred from taking an apprentice for a period of no less than five years, after which he will be released from this probation at the discretion of the Psychiatric Consultants to the Training Oversight Office. He is not to teach any learner in any setting until he has completed a full course of remedial pedagogy classes.

"The Investigators recommend that the High Council mandate mental health treatment for both Master Consular Jinn and Senior Padawan Consular Kenobi.

"The Investigators recommend that the High Council pass a Training Regulation against the blockage or severance of a natural lifebond to which one or both parties are apprentices and/or minors.

"The Investigators recommend that the High Council pass a Training Regulation mandating brief annual psychiatric screenings for all Jedi currently training apprentices. 

"The Investigators recommend that the High Council pass a Training Regulation requiring a full vote of the Council of Reassignment to change a learner's corps assignment once the same has been established by consensus of the learner, crechemaster, and Training Oversight Office.

"The Investigators recommend that the High Council pass a General Regulation mandating Shadow Inquiry into the circumstances of death of any Jedi when the cause of death cannot be established by Medicorps records or an autopsy performed by a qualified Master Healer.

"The Investigators are so resolved and the investigation is disbanded."

Obi-Wan blinked into the ringing silence that followed Master Yaddle's pronouncement. He had known, in theory, that this was coming since the TOO had approved his reassignment. But he hadn't known that it would feel like this. The entirety of his apprenticeship, nearly a third of his life, boiled down to three charges.

_Abuse. Neglect. Insufficient grounding in the Light._

And what did it mean to have been the padawan of a Master _insufficiently grounded in the Light?_ Did that extend to Obi-Wan as well?

_Is that why Master Windu offered for me? Because the Master of Vaapad has the best chance of rehabilitating a padawan who has strayed from the Light?_

_No,_ Obi-Wan scolded himself. _Master Windu told me why he offered for me, and he wants his padawan to trust him. I will not fail him before we even take our vows, not over something so silly._

Master Koon broke the silence-- apparently the Council had reached a consensus. "This Council adopts the Investigators' stated conclusions as our own with the blessing of the Force. 

"The first Recommendation is enacted as-is. Padawan Kenobi's Master will make the necessary arrangements for Padawan Kenobi to continue seeing his assigned mindhealer until such a time as Padawan Kenobi and his healer agree that his treatment is complete. Master Jinn will depart within the week for the Auxiliary Healing Temple on Kantar VI and reside there until the healers of that temple deem him sufficiently recovered to return to duty. Grandmaster Yoda has offered to accompany Master Jinn during the first month of his stay.

"The second, third, fourth, and fifth Recommendations will be relayed to the High Council Administrative Officer to be researched and scheduled for deliberation. This Council commends the Investigators on the numerous and insightful Recommendations they have put forward.

"Now we come to the matter of disciplinary action. This Council is in agreement that such is appropriate in this case, although the severity is ameliorated somewhat by the fact that Master Jinn's errors were motivated by mental disturbance rather than malice. Therefore, when Master Jinn returns from Kantar, he will spend a minimum of two months performing penitent's meditations under my guidance. Then he will make a sincere and comprehensive formal apology to Padawan Kenobi-- this may be done in person or holorecorded for Kenobi to view if and when he feels prepared to do so, whichever Kenobi prefers. Only after these meditations and apology are complete will he return to active duty. Master Jinn, do you understand and accept these sanctions?"

Qui-Gon nodded mutely without raising his eyes from the floor.

"Then we will proceed. This Council wishes to recognize the courage and integrity demonstrated by Padawan Kenobi in reporting Master Jinn's unfitness for their assigned mission to the Laryt System. He carried out his duty to the Order and to the Light in defiance of numerous practical and psychological barriers. Therefore, on this day, the 25th of the Fifth Month, 961 ARR, the High Council awards to Obi-Wan Kenobi the Citation for Meritorious Conduct. Padawan Kenobi, please step forward to receive the Citation."

Obi-Wan approached Master Koon's seat with his trembling hands hidden inside his sleeves. Master Windu had mentioned the Citation at the Council session that started the whole investigation, but Obi-Wan had assumed that it was a hyperbole, or an attempt to make him feel better. He never once expected to actually receive the award.

The entire process took but a second. Master Koon's talons prodded at Obi-Wan's tunics, and then there was a small but distinctive silver pin affixed to his left tabard. The Citation wasn't a bead to be added to his padawan braid-- it was a decoration most often awarded to adult Jedi for valor in combat, natural disaster, or contact with the Dark.

"Now," Master Koon boomed as Obi-Wan retreated to his previous spot on the chamber floor, "Let us take care of the transfer of Padawan Kenobi's apprenticeship. Master Jinn, please release Kenobi from his vows and remove your braid from his hair."

Qui-Gon stepped over to Obi-Wan's shoulder. "I release you from your Vows of Apprenticeship," he croaked.

"And I release you," Obi-Wan replied. He felt his scalp tugged as Qui-Gon unwound his braid for the last time.

When the lock of hair was loose, Qui-Gon poured the beads and wrappings into Obi-Wan's outstretched hand. "Go in peace," he murmured.

"And you." They bowed to each other, then Obi-Wan watched his former Master turn and leave the chamber. Tears prickled his eyes.

Master Windu stood and took up the position that Master Jinn had just vacated. Master Koon nodded approvingly. "Master Windu, do you wish to take Padawan Kenobi as your apprentice?"

"Yes, that is my wish."

"Please state your vows to Padawan Kenobi."

Master Windu turned and looked steadily into Obi-Wan's eyes. "I accept you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, as my own apprentice; I affirm that I will guide, protect, and comfort you until the day you are knighted. My wisdom and the wisdom of my lineage will be yours as well. May the Force sanctify our bond."

"Padawan Kenobi," Master Koon intoned, "Do you wish to be apprenticed to Master Windu?"

"Yes, that is my wish."

"Please state your vows to Master Windu."

"I accept you, Master Windu, as my own Master; I affirm that I will honor, obey, and aid you until the day I am knighted. I will share in your wisdom and the wisdom of your lineage with gratitude. May the Force be with us now and always."

"Master Windu, please seal your partnership with the padawan braid."

Obi-Wan offered his fistful of beads to his new Master; Windu took them but then extracted a pouch from his belt and poured about a dozen more beads on top of Obi-Wan's. "I was reading through your training records recently, Obi-Wan, and I realized that you've only received about half of the decorations you've earned. I'd like to fix that now if you don't mind."

"Thank you, Master Windu."

"Call me Mace, padawan." Master Windu-- Mace-- divided Obi-Wan's loose lock of hair into three strands and began to twist. "The Master, the Padawan, and the Force."

The braiding process took an awkwardly long time. A traditional apprenticeship ceremony wasn't really designed to accommodate a yard of hair with two dozen beads and bindings. The whole Council was staring at them in silence. Obi-Wan willed himself not to fidget as they passed the two-minute mark. 

Master Rancisis sneezed. Grandmaster Yoda tapped his gimmer stick.

At last, Master Windu-- _Mace_ \-- tied off the final binding and let the braid fall to Obi-Wan's shoulder. 

"Congratulations, Mace, Obi-Wan. May the Force be with you." Master Koon bowed. Obi-Wan and his new Master bowed. The rest of the Council bowed.

Master Mace wrapped an arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders and tugged him toward the chamber door. "Come along, Obi-Wan. We need to get your things moved into our quarters, and I think we've both had enough ceremony for one day."

* * *

Quinlan flipped his hair out of his face and tried not to drip sweat on anything as he shouldered his way through the door of Master Windu's apartment. Obi was in the process of extracting his belongings from Master Jinn's quarters and he'd recruited Quin to carry boxes.

Trust Obi to stick him with a father-in-law (Master-in-law?) even more intimidating than Jinn. He was delighted that Obi finally had a Master worthy of him, but Quin, like all minimally rational creatures, maintained a healthy fear of Mace Windu.

"Obes, where do you want this one?"

"Obi-Wan just ran out to the quartermaster, Padawan Vos. Set it in his room and he can deal with it when he gets back." Master Windu himself stepped into the living room.

_Dammit, Obi. Of course you'd run off and leave me alone with him._ Quinlan did as he was told and dumped the box of books on the floor of their owner's new bedroom. Then he made for the apartment door, but he wasn't fast enough.

"Sit, padawan. You've been running errands for Obi-Wan all afternoon." Master Windu gestured to a chair and handed Quin a glass of water.

_Fuck fuck fuck this is where he threatens to carve my heart out with a training saber if I look at Obi wrong!_

"I appreciate your help with moving Obi-Wan's things-- finishing while Master Jinn was still with the mindhealers allowed us all to dodge an awkward situation."

"It was no trouble, Master Windu."

"Mace, padawan. I suspect we'll be seeing a lot of each other over the next few years."

"Alright, uh, Quinlan then." 

"I've been meaning to talk to you, actually. I know that you haven't had the best experience with your bondmate's master in the past so I'd like to address any concerns you may have. My priority is Obi-Wan's wellbeing, and I know that a healthy relationship with his lifemate is part of that."

This was… not the way Quinlan had expected this conversation to go. "Honestly, Master-- Mace?"

"Please."

"I'm not really sure what to do with that, or how I'm supposed to act with my bondmate's Master. Obi-Wan and Tholme have always gotten along, but I'm used to Master Jinn hating my guts."

"That was wrong of him, and I'm sorry that we didn't put a stop to it sooner. I don't know how much Obi-Wan has told you, but the TOO investigators recommended a ban on blocking or severing padawans' natural lifebonds and annual psych screenings for anyone training an apprentice."

"Really? Obi-Wan hasn't said a whole lot about the hearing this morning and I didn't pry. He gets like that sometimes and if you let it be he'll open up eventually."

Quinlan could see Master Windu making note of that in his head. "Yes. You and Obi-Wan's situation has brought to light a number of holes in our training regulations which we will be working to close in the coming weeks. But I'm getting off topic. I want to make something very clear: I am glad that Obi-Wan has you in his life, and I welcome you into our lineage. There will be no more foolishness about your relationship leading either of you into the Dark."

"What about the whole attachment problem? There's got to be something to that. It did a number on Master Jinn."

"We will help you learn to balance your relationship and your duty. Jinn ran into problems because he _wasn't_ making any attempt at managing it."

"So that's why you want us to start pre-consecration meditations? Obi did mention that."

"Yes, that's why. I'd like to get your relationship as stable as possible before the two of you are knighted, and I'd like to train the pair of you as field partners."

As nice as that all sounded, Quinlan was relatively sure it would go out the window once Master Windu had to interact with Quin for more than five minutes at a time. Master Jinn hadn't been entirely wrong, after all-- Quin'd had way more contact with the Dark than a good padawan should. Now that the bond was open, he'd have to be careful not to let it affect Obi.

He'd enjoy Master Windu's good graces while they lasted, though. "Does that mean I get to drag Obi-Wan into Shadow training? Because I've always thought he'd be good at it."

"It does. And you'll need some basic diplomatic training."

Quin must've made a face, because Master Windu chuckled. "If I can manage not to cuss out Senators, so can you."

"No offense, Master Mace, but I'm not that kind of Shadow. That's what we have Siri Tachi for."

"No? But imagine the amount of intel you could gather just by shaking hands with a dozen politicians with your gloves off."

That was… actually a really interesting idea. "Alright, I see your point. Only if Obi does the talking, though."

"That's fine. We just need to be able to pass you off as Obi-Wan's plus-one at state dinners and the like."

"Trophy husband, huh? That's my dream career."

"Really? I always thought it was space pirate." Returning from his errand, Obi dropped a pile of linens on the coffee table and settled himself on the sofa.

"It was, until I started helping Master Tholme catch them. They're all either stupider or more bloodthirsty than I'd imagined."

"So are Senators," Master Windu chipped in.

Obi grinned. "Is this about the bacta tariffs again?"

"Of course it's about the bloody bacta tariffs."

Master Mace and Obi launched into an impassioned discussion of legislative procedure. Quin struggled to follow it, so he stopped trying in favor of contemplating how hot Obi was when he got worked up about something. 

Obi-Wan's energy was contagious, though. He seemed genuinely happy to be with Master Windu. _Maybe,_ Quin allowed himself to think. _Maybe this time things will be alright._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding some clarification here: Qui-Gon and Yoda are not headed to a locked psych ward. Jedi inpatient mental health treatment is like a partial hospitalization program crossed with a meditation retreat on a beautiful planet with pristine waterfalls and cute forest creatures or something. They've got their ways of supervising Jedi who might be dangerous to themselves or others, but it relies more on monitoring patients in the Force I guess idk. The kind of healing that Qui needs to do couldn't happen on a hospital psych ward anyway.
> 
> Love and respect to the medical professionals who work on hospital psych wards, yall are doing the lord's work-- I just don't want the USA's broken mental health system in my imaginary star wars world too! this is literally just wish fulfillment, humor me


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attack described in detail. Some self-harm adjacent thoughts. Also, Obi is in a very bad headspace and thinks some pretty derogatory things about his own mental health issues. If any of this isn't good for you, stop reading at 'Obi-Wan froze' and pick up again at 'His new lineage. The investigation was over...'

Quinlan was vibrating with excitement. No spectators were ever allowed at the workshops; it was the one place where the elite, the living legends, could go about their training in peace. But! Obi was a member of 'shop B! And since Quin and Obi were supposed to learn to fight as a team, Master Drallig had granted Quin special permission to observe his partner's training!

Obi had always been good with his blade. Since Obi had finally hit his growth spurt at 16, Quin had only been able to win their spars when Obi was recovering from an injury. But Quin was starting to realize that he'd seen a fraction of what Obi was capable of-- that Obi had been adjusting his skill level based on his opponent. So the prospect of Obi working with so many revered Masters had Quin's stomach full of hoverdroids.

From his vantage point on the empty observation deck, Quin watched Masters and a few knights trickle from the locker room into the salle. They milled around stretching and chatting, adjusting boot buckles and taping up nagging injuries. Wooden practice staffs clacked against each other as little warm-up matches broke out-- if the participants had been initiates in one of Quin's athletics classes rather than High Councillor Tiin and Senior Knight-Healer Vonbarra, Quin would've called it playfighting. 

Three minutes before training was set to start, Master Windu strode in with Obi half a step behind him. Obi was preoccupied with his hair, scrunching up his nose in annoyance as his newly-heavy padawan slipped free of his hair band yet again. He looked up, wide-eyed, as he and his Master were swarmed by smiling congratulatory Jedi.

Master Windu steered Obi through the gauntlet of well-wishers, looking pleased with himself. Obi rubbed self consciously at his exposed betrothal ink which only drew more attention to it. He glanced up at the observation deck so naturally Quin blew him a kiss. 

This set off another wave of cooing and teasing. 

"Oh my goodness, I'm so happy for you!"

"Who proposed?"

"I remember when my youngest proposed to her bondmate… she was glowing just like that."

"Is your young man going to be joining us in 'shop? We must ensure that his forms complement yours."

"Aw, he's blushing!"

Obi had in fact turned a deeply unflattering shade of pink. He was doing his best to accept the barrage of congratulations gracefully but also looked like he was thirty seconds from making a break for the door. 

He was rescued by the entrance of Master Drallig. "Give Padawan Kenobi space to warm up, please. You can interrogate him about his betrothal and his new apprenticeship after training."

The cluster of Jedi surrounding Obi and Master Windu dispersed into evenly spaced lines. Obi looked happier with the spotlight off of him. He'd also finally managed to secure his hair. 

Master Drallig led the group into a series of Shii-Cho katas. It looked like any of the thousands of saber classes that Quin had attended over the years, but in the Force it just felt...more. A net of energy was forming in the salle as Force signatures twined together and linked. It was turbulent at first-- the trauma-related hyperarousal from some of the Jedi was familiar to Quin, but he could also sense a variety of neurological differences as well as ripples in the Force from abilities like prescience and telepathy. 

As the warmups progressed, though, Quin felt the net of Force signatures calm. Jedi reached out to steady one another and share little trickles of serenity until everyone on the salle floor had their mind regulated and balanced. Obi-Wan's connection with Master Windu was stronger and brighter, and through the lifebond Quin could sense Obi easing from impeccable emotional control to genuine peace.

_This is why they don't allow spectators,_ Quin realized. Up on the observation deck, Quin could observe the peace as if looking through a window, but he wasn't part of it. He longed to reach out and touch it, to be allowed a little of it for himself.

He shook himself. _Quit it. You're here to learn Obi's fighting style, not to lurk and feel sorry for yourself._

For the rest of the warmup katas, Quin focused on making sense of the way Obi's precognition caused the Force to warp around him. Quin hadn't been exposed to it in years, with the bond blocked, and it seemed more disorienting now than it ever had when they were younger. He wondered whether that was a function of Obi's training with Windu or the natural result of Obi growing up. Either way, Quin was going to have to figure out how to fight with a partner who was halfway displaced from linear time without getting nauseous.

Once warmups wound down, the 'shop split up into a dozen or so small groups. Some were organized by Drallig and others were clearly based on shared saber forms or special training needs; there were some, though, that Quin couldn't identify. 

A cluster of Ataru Masters had amassed in the far right corner, so Quin expected Obi to join them. Obi apparently had a different idea; he seemed to be headed to the opposite end of the salle but got waylaid by Drallig and delivered to one of the mystery groups. Quin studied Obi's assigned training partners with bemusement: five Jedi no taller than 5'10" and Master Chyymara, a wookie who stood at over eight feet.

Chyymara exchanged a few words with Drallig and then gently shoved Obi onto the training floor. The rest of the group parked themselves on the sideline and eyed Obi expectantly. Evidently he was the subject of a demonstration.

As soon as Obi and Chyymara crossed blades, the purpose of the demonstration became obvious. In addition to being enormous, the Master was attacking in an aggressively offensive style; Obi was using Ataru aerials to compensate for the size difference and counterattack. It was Obi's go-to strategy for dueling Master Jinn. If the goal was to use Ataru against a very large, aggressive opponent, Obi was the obvious choice of guinea pig.

Obi and Chyymara traded attacks a couple of times, then paused. One of the Jedi on the sidelines said something, gesturing enthusiastically with their tail. Chyymara responded and there was a brief debate. Then the Master motioned Obi back into position and they repeated a sequence from the first demonstration. Just as their blades came into contact, the Jedi with the expressive tail reached out in the Force and grabbed Obi, holding him frozen in midair. Several Jedi circled the immobile pair, gesturing at the angles of the blades and tracing Obi's trajectory through the air with a wood training staff. After two minutes of enthusiastic debate, the spectators stepped back to the sideline and the Jedi with the tail lowered Obi to the ground. 

The group repeated this process several more times, with subtle changes in Obi's attack each time. Quin realized what he was watching-- not a teaching demonstration, but an experimental one. This was the forum where innovative combat techniques were developed. Like most padawans, Quin had always thought of the saber forms as some sort of ancient mystery passed down through the generations, even though he'd literally had tea with the inventor of Vaapad. Watching the process happen was mind-bending-- and that was Quin's lifemate in the middle of it!

About half an hour later, a particularly spirited discussion kept Obi suspended upside down for a couple minutes. When he was released to the ground, he staggered like a drunk and toppled over. The look of surprise on his face sent the rest of the group into a fit of laughter, with Obi flopping onto his back and joining in. Chyymara picked him up and set him back on his feet, patting him on the head fondly before dismissing him.

Once Obi could walk a straight line, he headed for a cluster of Jedi drilling near the locker room door under the direction of Assistant Battlemaster Wat. Several of the group were known for various kinds of prescience; Master Wat herself was renowned for an active precognition in combat that was very similar to Obi's. At the moment, she seemed to be instructing the group in some kind of battle meditation.

Obi slipped into an empty spot among the drilling Jedi, took a couple of deep breaths to center himself, and joined in Master Wat's exercise. Through the bond, Quin could feel him practicing a modified version of mindfulness meditation-- rather than grounding himself entirely in the present, he was establishing distinct connections to multiple moments in time. Bit by bit, Obi-Wan's Force presence became organized and comprehensible to Quin. _If he can do this reliably in combat, I might actually be able to fight beside him,_ Quin speculated.

Just then, Master Wat drew a blaster and started firing low-powered bolts into the group at random. The point of the drill seemed to be to keep up the meditation while actively fighting. Several of the more experienced Masters were deflecting shots back at Master Wat without the slightest break in concentration. Quin could feel Obi struggling, though-- he was defending himself as well as the next Jedi, but he kept getting his foresight tangled up with the present when he had to multitask.

Wat paused the drill to give feedback, then resumed fire. After a few rounds of this, Quin could feel Obi getting the hang of it-- going two or three shots in a row without slipping up, then four or five by the end of the exercise. 

When 'shop members paired off to spar for the final quarter-hour, Master Wat snagged Obi-Wan for herself. The ensuing duel started fast and only got faster. Quin could hear Wat's precise mezzo soprano calling suggestions and corrections over the buzz of so many sabers, but Wat's sleek bun and Obi's bright head were blurs as they whirled past each other. Quin gave up on tracking them visually and closed his eyes, seeking out their presences in the Force.

He managed to find Master Wat first. Her Light was like sunlight on ice crystals. Like every other senior padawan (except possibly Obi-Wan), Quin associated it with the nerve-wracking lightsaber exams she proctored. 

That meant that the presence dancing around hers had to be Obi, but Quin almost didn't recognize him. Obi had always been a shower of sparks in the Force when he fought, dazzling and bewildering. Now he was bewildering for a different reason-- more flame than spark, intensely focused on connections to the Force that Quin could barely comprehend.

There were still sparks, of course; just like during Wat's blaster drill, Obi's concentration was occasionally slipping. Compared to the stable, fully realized Force signatures of some of the nearby Masters, Obi's was clearly a work in progress. Even in its current form, though, it was breathtaking.

_How did I not notice this when he was sparring with Tholme? That's what I get for getting distracted by his muscles. I missed the best part._

And there was an intriguing thought: all of that concentrated, burning Light, but aimed at Quin rather than a kyber crystal... _mmm._ Quinlan shuddered and squirmed on his bench. Suddenly, he couldn't wait for 'shop to be over.

* * *

Obi-Wan exited the locker room after workshop with a sense of accomplishment and the Force thrumming happily through him. Truthfully, he wished he'd had time for one more round of sparring with Master Wat-- he was getting much better at her third battle meditation, and he'd lasted almost seven minutes against her that last time.

Just as he turned the corner toward the residential sector, a tall figure pounced upon him and bore him backward into a little alcove. Gloved hands grasped either side of his face and Obi-Wan found himself being comprehensively kissed.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what brought this on?"

"Do you even know how Light you are when you fight? Fuck, baby, I was jealous of your saber crystal!"

"That makes absolutely no sense." Never one to forfeit a tactical advantage, though, Obi-Wan stood up on tiptoe to plant another kiss on his bondmate's awestruck mouth. "Do you think I do this--" a quick hard kiss for emphasis "-- to my crystal?"

"Huh?"

"I thought so." It looked like Obi-Wan had found an outlet for his leftover adrenaline. He considered his options. Tholme was teaching all day, but Master Mace's quarters were closer and his new Master had planned for a quick wash in the locker room before a late afternoon Council hearing. Making a command decision, Obi-Wan grabbed Quin by one of those ridiculous biceps and marched off toward the Council residences.

Thankfully they didn't run into any Councillors on the way to Obi-Wan's bedroom-- he could do without his new Master's colleagues watching him drag his quarry down the corridor. _The risk was worth it, though,_ he decided as he grinned down at his favorite person all spread out on his bed. He climbed on top of Quin and kissed him gently, dropping a peck on the tip of Quin's nose when they came up for air. Then he dug his fingertips into his bondmate's ticklish ribs just to listen to him squeal.

Despite Quin's resultant threats to kick Obi-Wan out of his own bed, there was a lovely strong pair of legs wrapped around Obi-Wan's waist within twenty minutes. Actually, it would've been sooner if Quin had gotten his way, but as Quin had gasped ten minutes in, Obi-Wan was a "torturing bastard." All that had earned Quin was a stinging handprint on his ass.

Quin raking fingernails down his back was so distracting that Obi-Wan barely registered the sound of the front door opening. Master Windu's Force presence rolling through the apartment was unmistakable though.

Obi-Wan froze. There was boiling water pouring down his back. His stomach was constricting. _Master wasn't supposed to be back yet the hearing was meant to last 'til latemeal what happened_

He jolted into frantic motion. He rolled off of Quinlan-- "No, come back…!"-- and started yanking his clothes on with trembling hands, flinging Quin's at him with the Force. 

_Stay in the kitchen please Master you want a cup of tea just another minute please_

Footsteps. All the oxygen had leached out of his breath. The edges of his vision greyed out and he sank to his knees with his undertunic still hanging open. More footsteps. 

Stabbing in his chest.

_Darkness._

_Am I Falling?_

_The Force skittering away-- no no_

_Footsteps. Concerned voices murmuring._

_"What happened?"_

_"...after workshop… in bed… door opened and he freaked out… panic attack"_

_Panic attack?_

_"Breathe, Obi-Wan… safe here… 've done nothing wrong…"_

_Panic attack. Breathe._

_Breathe._

"... good. Keep breathing. In, two three four. Out, two three four. In, two three four. Out, two three four."

Obi-Wan breathed. It was like swimming toward the surface of a grey lake. It became Lighter as he drew closer to the air.

He opened his eyes. Master Windu was crouched in front of him with Quinlan hovering in the background half dressed. Utter mortification burned through Obi-Wan. "I'm so, so sorry, Master Windu."

"You've done nothing wrong. I'm not upset."

"I thought you'd be with the Council until latemeal, I never would've-- please believe me, I didn't mean any offence--"

"And none was taken. This was just an unfortunate coincidence. It wasn't anyone's fault."

Obi-Wan shook his head frantically. Quinlan cut in: "Master Windu, do you think we could have a couple minutes alone? I think having his Master here might not be helping?"

_Bless Quinlan._

Master Windu nodded and smiled reassuringly. Once he'd closed the door behind him, Quin tugged Obi-Wan up from the floor and folded him into a bearhug. Obi-Wan smushed his face into Quin's collarbone and let the pressure of his partner's arms hold all the pieces of him together.

"Hey sweetheart, I think I feel some tension in your neck and shoulders. Wanna try and relax it a little?"

Quin was right, as always. Perks of a boyfriend with magical hands. 

_No, perks of a_ fianceé _with magical hands._ Obi-Wan giggled nervously. _Bet he's reconsidering_ that _decision at the moment. Though the Force did the decision making for him, really._

"Nope. I've never been happier to be your fianceé. Not having to deal with shit alone is one of the most important parts. I absolutely did make the decision to put ink on you, though, don't give the Force too much credit. We could've been best friends platonically, or queer-platonic, or really close crechemates. Or we could've been assholes to each other and let the bond get sickly and weak. The Force just gave us the initial kick in the ass."

_Whoops. Leaking thoughts into the bond._

"Yeah, you are. Wanna get your shields squared away? I'll shield both of us until you're done, so don't worry about that." Quin called Obi-Wan's hairbrush from across the room and started sorting out Obi-Wan's tangles with careful strokes.

Obi-Wan focused part of his attention on the gentle tugging at his scalp to avoid dissociating again. Turning the rest of his focus inward, he began picking his way through his mind. A number of defenses and boundaries had gotten tumbled down or shoved aside by panic so he rebuilt them. The process took a few minutes but when he was done, he felt safe in his own head again.

Quin retracted his own shields from around Obi-Wan and handed Obi-Wan his belt. They emerged from the bedroom to find Master Windu prepping a plate of healthy snacks in the kitchen. He set it on the low table in the living room.

"Sit, padawans. Please eat something-- you especially, Obi-Wan. You had a panic attack after a hard 'shop workout and your body needs the calories. How are you feeling now?"

"Alright. Better. I'm really sorry about all of this."

"You don't need to apologise. Like I said earlier, it was just an embarrassing coincidence."

"I'll make sure it doesn't happen again, Master."

"Yes, we'll be sure to communicate more clearly about our schedules going forward."

"I, uh, that's not what I…"

Master Windu sighed. "Obi-Wan. You're eighteen-- you're an adult. You have the right to decide what to do with your own body. As long as it's safe, consensual, and doesn't interfere with your training, it's none of my business. Though for the record, I think that a physical relationship is a perfectly healthy way to connect with your lifemate."

Obi-Wan frowned. Master Windu's voice out loud was competing with Qui-Gon's voice inside his head, and nothing was computing.

"Obi, if it helps at all, Tholme always says the same thing."

Quin meant well, but his input just made the noise in Obi-Wan's head louder. What Obi-Wan really needed was to be alone and quiet.

He pasted on his Trade-Federation-antitrust-dispute-mediation face. "I know, Quin. It's just a bit of a paradigm shift for me. Master, thank you for your counsel. If the two of you don't mind, I think I need to meditate on your words."

Both Master Windu and Quin readily agreed, but two concerned gazes scoured Obi-Wan's back as he walked away.

* * *

Meditation hadn't brought much clarity, and neither had a night's sleep. Obi-Wan had woken up awash in horror at his behavior the day before. His Master coming home while he was fucking Quinlan, the horrifying lack of control during the panic attack, the neediness and clinging to Quinlan afterward, the running away from his Master and his bondmate when they tried to have a conversation... _Ugh._

Fortunately, he'd been able to largely avoid both of them by means of chores and errands. Master Windu was hosting his entire lineage for latemeal in order to introduce Obi-Wan, and it was the perfect excuse for endless bustling about.

Had been the perfect excuse. For the past six hours. He'd told himself that he just needed a little time to pull himself together, but Obi-Wan knew what he was doing. 

_Running. Avoiding._ He threw a metal utensil into the sink with a bit too much force and the pitchy clang jolted his senses.

It wasn't just yesterday, really. The truth was that Obi-Wan had been a wreck for weeks, vomiting up his darkest emotional viscera and bleeding hysterics all over the Temple. He'd debased himself before just about everyone who mattered and quite a few people who didn't. 

There was a certain tone, a certain delicate affect, that people used around someone who was _not well._ The solicitousness made Obi-Wan want to turn the water shower up as hot as it could go and scrub and scrub until all the _invalid_ had washed down the drain along with a few layers of skin.

He settled for shredding and crushing and scalding the garlic instead. The juice made his fingers burn. He'd have to put some bacta paste on them; his new lineage was coming and Obi-Wan couldn't greet them with raw red hands.

His new lineage. The investigation was over and he had a new Master and it was time for normal life to start again. Maybe not the exact same normal, but Jedi were to be adaptable. Especially Obi-Wan Kenobi, Council Padawan.

Master Jinn had needed submissiveness and caretaking from him. Master Windu needed trust and vulnerability-- _"I never want an apprentice of mine to fear me,"_ he'd said. And Quinlan needed a partner to share adversity and work toward consecration. Obi-Wan would provide.

He took a step back and surveyed the bubbling pots and sizzling pans. Half an hour of simmering and the dinner spread would be done. The table was set, the apartment clean, and the vase on the side table was full of fresh flowers. Now all that was left to prepare was himself.

A quick sonic to get rid of the sweat from cooking. Hair brushed, tunics crisp. Fear and Darkness locked down under his tightest shields where no one else could be hurt by them; the rest of his mind open and trusting and full of light and enough insecure nervousness to allow Master and Quin to comfort him.

Master Mace was in the kitchen stirring a pot when he reemerged. "Everything smells delicious, Obi-Wan. If you keep cooking like this, your grandmaster is going to steal you for herself."

"Well, it is a padawan's honor to make their lineage welcome. Everything I know, I learned from Grandmaster Yoda."

"Not Dooku?"

"Oh, no. He wouldn't so much as look at our dining table." Obi-Wan lifted his chin and leaned hard into his upper-class Core accent. "Our low-grade caviar upset his delicate constitution."

Master Mace smirked and bopped Obi-Wan on the head. "What was that about honoring your elders?"

"Some elders refuse to be honored."

"Force help me, why did I think it a good idea to introduce you to your grandmaster Myr? I'll never have another moment of peace." The door buzzer sounded and Master Mace went to go answer it. Obi-Wan straightened his tunics and set his shoulders. 

Senior Padawan Consular Kenobi, apprentice to the Master of the Order, stepped out of the kitchen to receive his guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A controversial headcanon: Yoda's actually a pretty good cook. When Luke meets him, he's cooking a recipe that's species/culture-specific which is why Luke doesn't like it, but Yoda's raised at least a dozen padawans of various species and cultural backgrounds and loved them all very much, so he's picked up a lot of interesting cuisines in order to feed them.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Politics and therapy, our favorites.
> 
> TW: Obi talks a little bit about war and killing people. Mostly just his screwy headspace, though. Lots of him feeling other and not worthy of being a Jedi.

> Proposal II: A Training Regulation against the blockage or severance of a natural lifebond to which one or both parties are apprentices and/or minors.
> 
> Proposal III: A Training Regulation mandating brief annual psychiatric screenings for all Jedi currently training apprentices.
> 
> Proposal IV: A Training Regulation requiring a full vote of the Council of Reassignment to change a learner's corps assignment once the same has been established by consensus of the learner, crechemaster, and Training Oversight Office.

Obi-Wan trudged out of his bedroom to find Master Billaba at the breakfast table with Master Mace, buttering herself some toast. The two of them seemed to be deep in conversation.

"...doesn't devolve into an inter-Corps power struggle, otherwise the vote may have to be delayed."

"I know, but Agricorps is taking his actions as a slight-- understandably-- so we'll get nowhere without validating their frustration. If we play our cards right, they could be our strongest backers on Proposal IV."

"That will only work if we…"

Dragging his feet outside the kitchen door, Obi-Wan seriously considered retreating back to his room. It wasn't that he didn't like Master Billaba-- he did, he'd had a good time at dinner with her and the rest of his Master's lineage; apparently the wit and sharp tongue had been passed down from Master Myr to her padawans and grand-padawans. But Master Billaba still felt more like a High Councillor than a sister. And Obi-Wan wasn't prepared to appear before the Council before he'd shaved or brushed his teeth.

 _Family,_ he scolded himself. _Master Windu was kind enough to invite you into his lineage, so this is your family now. This is home. This is safe space._

"Good morning, Obi-Wan! Come join us, do you take sugar in your tea?" Master Billaba was smiling serenely, teapot in hand.

"No, thank you, Depa. Good morning, Master Mace." Obi-Wan retrieved fruit and yoghurt from the refrigerator and sat as instructed. "I apologize for interrupting your conversation."

"No, padawan, I'm glad you're here. We were just discussing the recommendations from the Training Oversight Office investigation-- the three proposed Training Regulations are up for a vote today."

"Oh. Thank you for letting me know."

Master Windu nodded. "You're welcome to attend the hearing if you'd like."

Obi-Wan absolutely did _not_ want to attend the hearing. Sitting politely for hours while the Order's most esteemed argued over whether his apprenticeship had been miserable enough to warrant reforms would be torturous on a good day. As it was, Obi-Wan had lost hours of sleep to night terrors and he felt like all his nerves had been rubbed with sandpaper.

"I appreciate the invitation, Master, but I'm afraid I have an appointment with Master Dhakrit this afternoon." This was a white lie, as his therapy appointment wouldn't take more than an hour, but needs must.

"You won't be missing anything, Obi-Wan," Master Billaba reassured. "Either we're going to be mediating another spat over the balance of power between the corps, or it's going to become a theology symposium."

"Depa," Master Windu grumbled, "we aren't _that_ bad."

"Really." Turning to Obi-Wan, she explained, "Certain High Counsellors have a tendency to _discuss_ the relationship between the Regulations and the will of the Force every time reforms are proposed."

"Ah. Master Jinn had strong opinions about that."

Master Windu took a swig of black caff before replying. "Master Jinn is himself an excellent argument in favor of scaffolding the individual's interpretation of the Force with a system of rules derived from the Order's collective wisdom. Which is exactly what I will be reminding _certain_ High Councillors when they start whinging that having to follow rules restricts their sacred communion with the unknowable mysteries of the Universe."

Depa pinched the bridge of her nose. "Mace, you know that I agree with you on this, but you also know that our esteemed colleagues' argument is more nuanced than that and your attitude isn't going to help matters. If you can't acknowledge their genuine misgivings about imposing increasingly prescriptive regulations upon the Master-apprentice partnership and the Corps selection process-- two of a Jedi's most deeply personal formative experiences-- then you have no chance of talking them around."

Obi-Wan was far too familiar with this genre of philosophical obstinance. "Ask them for specific examples of how they expect their relationship with the Force to be constrained. It sounds validating, but it will either net you a list of practical concerns that you can address or it will force them to admit that their objections are purely emotional. And if anyone brings up Kel-Matta's 'Fifth Essay on the Self,' xir 'Eighth Essay' makes for an effective counterargument."

Both Masters gave him speculative looks. "You speak from experience," Master Windu commented.

"Just half a decade as Master Jinn's mission partner."

Master Windu made an interesting facial expression. "Point taken."

"Are you sure you can't make it to the hearing?" Depa asked.

"Unfortunately not," Obi-Wan feigned regret. He was certain he didn't want to hear what concerns the High Counsellors found more compelling than 'child soldier.'

"Oh well. We'll just have to hope that the other corps are adamant enough about preventing the Knighthood from unilaterally manipulating corps assignments that their demands override any other objections on Proposal IV."

Master Windu snorted. "That's all but assured. Master Ira was ready to jam his crystal down Yoda's throat when he received the investigation findings, and Exploracorps sides with Ag on issues like this."

Obi-Wan wondered what would happen if someone ingested an Agricultural Master's kyber crystal-- would leaves sprout from Master Yoda's ears? He pushed that image down the nascent training bond and watched the corner of Master Windu's mouth twitch. Part of Obi-Wan's mind was permanently fixed on politics, though, and that part was puzzled. "We've been discussing Proposal IV, but isn't Proposal III more controversial? I'd expect many Masters to perceive it as a sign of distrust or an invasion of privacy."

Master Billaba narrowed her eyes at Obi-Wan's breakfast. A serving of eggs on a small plate floated from the stove to land beside Obi-Wan's bowl of yoghurt. "We expect to see that sort of pushback from the Order at large once the regulation is in place, but the High Counsel is privy to the details of Jinn's investigation. It's easy for all of us to see how such a regulation could've prevented the abuses you experienced, and nearly as easy to imagine other apprentices being harmed by unwell Masters in the future. Proposal IV applies to an obscure loophole in a single process, and some parties think that the set of circumstances that allowed the loophole to be abused was so unique that it's unlikely to ever happen again. By that logic, the greater risk to our children lies in inhibiting the will of the Force in their lives through overregulation. If one believes that overregulation inhibits the will of the Force in the first place, of course, which I don't."

"The loophole isn't obscure anymore, though, is it? If you're voting on new regulations, the hearing minutes will be publicly accessible and everyone who follows Counsel politics will read all about it. That's a lot of people-- I know that the older padawan consulars are interested in major Counsel debates, at least. And learners spend years carefully meditating on our futures with our crechè masters, who are family to us-- the idea that some powerful Master could destroy that at any time with a little influence peddling is terrifying. Letting learners find out about the loophole before it's fixed would shake their trust and sense of safety in the Order."

Both Masters stared at Obi-Wan, startled into deep contemplation. "Trust and safety," Master Windu muttered. He seemed to be millimeters away from some great revelation.

Not at all prepared to discuss trust and emotional safety with any member of his new lineage, Obi-Wan stood and began collecting empty dishes. "May I be excused, please, Master Mace? Bant and I have plans to meditate together this morning."

"Yes, padawan, you're excused."

Obi-Wan turned to take his armful of dishes to the kitchen sink.

"Oh, and padawan? Invite Apprentice Eerin for dinner sometime this week."

"Yes, Master Mace. Thank you!"

* * *

Predictably, Bant had chosen her favorite little water garden for their meditation. When Obi-Wan found her she was on the bank of a clear pool full of fish, trousers rolled up and bare webbed feet fanning ripples in the water.

Obi-Wan shucked his boots and joined her. The water was bracingly cold and the chill in his feet drove some of the noise and fog out of his head.

Bant immediately reached for him in the Force, wrapping joy and love around him in a metaphysical bear hug. "Obi! There you are. Say hello to the fishies, they've missed you!"

He grinned at the old joke and rose to bow as if to a room of dignitaries. "Greetings, esteemed fishies." He turned to Bant. "May I pay my respects to Her Majesty, Queen of Fishes?"

"We welcome you to our realm, Sir Mammal," Bant intoned before they both broke down in giggles.

"Force I've missed you, Obi. Come on, meditate with me."

Obi-Wan felt a pang of guilt at the reminder of how little time he'd had for his best friend in the past couple of years. They'd actually talked more often as junior apprentices living at different temples than they had since Bant had come back to Coruscant for her pediatric training.

As his Force presence mingled with Bant's, she offered up guilt of her own. _Both of us,_ she told him. _We both drifted apart, and we recognize that, and we will both fix it._ Then she let her guilt wash away and nudged Obi-Wan to do the same. 

They sank into the Force together, helping each other examine and release whatever thoughts arose until the energy around them was clear and calm. The combination of cold water and Bant's compassionate mind was familiar and fundamental since his earliest memories in the crechè, long before Yoda and Qui-Gon and Quinlan and Master Windu.

Bant shared of herself gracefully, relaxing shields here and there to show Obi-Wan her joy at his betrothal, her memories of the awkward adjustment period moving in with Master Filla after her first Master's untimely death, her overwhelming, crushing compassion for the children she treated at the free clinics in the lower levels. There was no shame or desperation, just Light that strengthened their old crecheling bond. 

Obi-Wan tried to emulate her. He let down part of his outer shielding to share his own nervousness about living with a new Master and Bant responded with recognition and gratitude. Emboldened, he opened his experiences in saber 'shop to her, then his memory of Quinlan's proposal. 

She responded to each thought with a steady acceptance that was deeply safe and comforting. Obi-Wan found himself wanting to share more and more of himself and suddenly he realized that all his outer shields were falling as one to expose to Bant the whole space of his mind that Qui-Gon had demanded access to. _No,_ he castigated himself, _other Jedi find that unnerving, remember the reactions of the mindhealers who healed the lifebond?_

Propping his outer shields firmly back in place, he resolved to share some of his heavier emotions of the past few weeks. Bant had shared her pain from working at the free clinics, so he ought to reciprocate. 

Actually choosing an experience to bring out was a bit confounding, though. So many of the things he'd done and become didn't fit within the innocent bond of their childhood. Bant had only become more herself in the intervening years and sharing the distress caused by her compassion seemed to create a natural deepening of their connection. Obi-Wan, though-- what was his slave soldier spice-addict to the Force-destined Healer she'd always been?

His concern and frustration during Qui-Gon's decline should fit, he decided. He located the shield that contained those memories and attempted to relax it as Bant had done. Finding it too hardened to relax, Obi-Wan gritted his teeth and began prying at the edges. It ground open slowly like a trapdoor on rusted hinges until the gap was just wide enough see through.

Obi-Wan beckoned Bant over and she peered at the exposed memory. A cloud of unbearably soft sorrow-tinged love engulfed him. He turned his attention toward the chirping sparrows in the gardens to avoid his own embarrassment.

 _Thank you,_ Bant murmured through their bond. Then she withdrew from their meditation.

Allowing the shield to fall shut, Obi-Wan followed her. He opened his eyes and shot a glance at her. She smiled. He squirmed in the backwash of his vulnerability.

Then Bant kicked a facefull of pond water at him. Obi-Wan retaliated, spluttering indignantly. She'd anticipated his revenge, though, so with a pulse of Force energy she deflected the water back at him. 

"Oh dear, I think you've gotten your tunics wet, Obi! You'd better go up to your quarters and change; I'd hate for you to sit through your appointment in wet clothes!"

Laughing through a fake scowl, Obi-Wan shoved her into the pond.

* * *

"Today, I would like us to talk about goals."

That was the first thing Master Dhakrit said after they'd finished their usual _'How have the last few days been for you?'_ bit. Obi-Wan gave his Healer an inquisitive look.

"Yes, goals. Since we started working together, we have been focused on getting you through the investigation and all the attendant chaos. That is behind us now. It is time to think about the long term: what do you want to get out of our work, and how do we prioritize that? Do any immediate ideas come to mind for you?" 

"Um. I want to make sure that I don't Fall? And I'd like to be a good apprentice to Master Windu and a good partner to Quinlan. And a better friend."

"Falling is a major concern of yours? You have mentioned it multiple times since we have begun meeting."

"It is, yes."

"Will you tell me why?"

Obi-Wan's mouth was open before he had any idea what to say. He gaped like a koi, caught between two conflicting impulses: to tell his Healer everything, and to tell them absolutely nothing.

Much of his restraint had been spent during his meditation with Bant, though, and Master Dhakrit was looking at him with such sincere interest that their fur had gone dove grey in concern. _Maybe if I tell my mindhealer now, they'll know a way to fix me and Master Windu will never even need to find out._

In the end, Obi-Wan couldn't help himself. "There's just… so much in my head that isn't right for a Jedi padawan. More than simple memories. Parts of me never left Bandomeer or Melida-Daan. I think a bit of me might've actually died on New Apsolon. I've shielded over those parts of my mind as well as I can and tried to make the rest of me into a decent Jedi, but the rage and the terror always come back as real as the first time I felt them.

"I don't quite know how to explain what it's like, but I attend my classes and give the right answers and I'm called a model apprentice by instructors who don't know that every Dark behavior they warn against in their lectures, I've done a dozen times over. I've killed in anger-- with a weapon and with the Force-- and I don't regret it. I hated it, but if I had to do everything again I'd make the same choices. 

"And sometimes Quinlan touches me and he _feels_ those choices on my skin. And then I know that those things are real, and the model padawan is just a mask. I think I might've been more myself on Melida-Daan with a rifle in my hands than I've ever been in the Temple."

Master Dhakrit maintained their professional calm, but their fur was a few shades darker. "Those are frightening emotions for any person to experience. You have not had a Master or mentor to discuss this with before, have you?"

"No, not really."

"Then let me begin by saying this: you are not alone. You are far from the first Jedi to have experiences of this sort-- I should know, having worked with several of them myself. I say this not to diminish your struggles but to reassure you that as awful as they have been, they do not disqualify you from becoming an excellent knight."

Obi-Wan fixed hopeful eyes upon his healer. "Will you teach me how, please?"

"Of course I will. This is what I propose: we will determine how each of the adverse events in your life affects your present thoughts and emotions. We will examine your current responses to those thoughts and emotions and seek healthier replacements for those responses that cause suffering. We will also study your beliefs about yourself-- your identity and your values-- to ensure that they are clearly defined and repair the damage that trauma has caused. How do you feel about this plan?"

"I think-- I want it, it sounds like a relief, but it's also so much? And I'm sort of scared to let myself believe that it could work and things could get easier?"

"All completely understandable reactions. I will be completely transparent with you: it will take time. Months, years maybe. It will also take courage and grit. I can teach you, advise you, encourage you, but success will come through your own labor. Having watched you navigate the investigation of your former Master, I am confident that you are capable of these things. I will also assure you that we will progress gradually. There will be no set schedule; our work will be driven by your needs and comfort levels." 

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and nodded. "I want to try."

Master Dhakrit's ears took on a determined attitude. "Then I will guide you."

* * *

Mace was eating latemeal alone in his kitchen, and it was blissful. It had been four hours-- and a two-hour nap-- since the High Council had passed all three proposed training regulations and his ears were still ringing from the arguments. If Mace never talked to another sentient again, it would be too soon.

With the exception of his padawans, of course. Depa had blazed through the debate with the conviction of the Light and Obi-Wan's arguments from breakfast on her tongue. Mace took a moment to congratulate himself on his excellent taste in apprentices.

Which brought him to his next problem: helping Obi-Wan feel safe in his lineage and the Order in general. Mace had spent a frustrating week trying to find a foothold in his relationship with his youngest while the boy presented a curated array of gratitude, hope, nervousness, and just enough vulnerability to satisfy a Master's caretaking instinct. It was sophisticated, and Mace was both impressed and dismayed. A less sensitive padawan might have tried to appear perfect and invulnerable in a way that was obviously false. As it was, Mace had repeatedly caught himself taking the mirage at face value.

At breakfast, though, Obi-Wan had gotten absorbed in politics and let slip a critical bit of information about his emotional state. And he knew it, judging by how fast he found an excuse to leave the table. So: _trust and_ _safety._

Mace stuck a forkful of leftover pasta in his mouth and chewed pensively. What Obi-Wan had said, specifically, was that learners would feel unsafe if they found out about the corps assignment loophole without also finding out that the Council had fixed it. That made a lot of sense when Mace thought about it from a learner's perspective-- it would mean that the leadership of the Order had knowingly chosen not to protect their children's rights.

Which sounded an awful lot like Obi-Wan's recent experience with Yoda. The boy had discovered that the head of his lineage and symbolic head of the Order had manipulated the course of his life for someone else's gain. That his suffering hadn't been the result of honest mistakes and oversights, and that he hadn't been wanted by his lineage for his own sake.

So now it fell to Mace to convince Obi-Wan that a Master could have his best interests at heart, despite all of Obi-Wan's life experience to the contrary. It was obviously going to be a long process, and Mace couldn't afford any missteps. He needed advice, badly. 

He waved a hand vaguely in the air and a datareader zoomed into the kitchen. Trauma and the Adult Padawan by Master Healer Lin'nie, Jocasta's top pick when Mace had come begging. He opened the table of contents-- there were several chapters on building trust, if he remembered correctly. They'd have to do until Mace could talk to a mindhealer about it. _Chapter 47, hmm--_

His official comm shrieked. _High priority notification tone, fuck, what in the Sith hells could've gone wrong in the past four hours?_

He thumbed open his inbox. Then he nearly snapped the device in half.

**CLASS D SENSITIVE **

**From: Office of Senator Winthorpe, Chair, Senate Judiciary Committee**

**To: Master Mace Windu, Jedi High Council**

**Day 2, Month 6, 25014, 18:25:09**

**Master Windu:**

**The membership of the Judiciary Committee is concerned by the Training Regulations passed today by the Jedi High Council and by the circumstances that necessitated them. You are invited to provide testimony on the topic at 13:30 on Day 4, Month 6, 25014. Please contact the Judiciary Committee Chief of Staff to confirm your attendance.**

**Unfortunately, until this body is able to confirm that the events surrounding the inception of the above Regulations are not indicative of a pervasive culture of minor abuse within the Jedi Order,** **Bill 25014.2678J Jedi Order Budget Proposal-- Fiscal Year 25016** **cannot be brought before the Senate at large. As we are aware that your Budget Proposal must come to a vote by the 16th of this month else it is voided, we hope to resolve this matter quickly with your cooperation.**

Mace stabbed Plo's number into his comm. He needed a second set of eyes on this; it made no sense. The Order had reported the findings of the Training Oversight Office's investigation into Jinn to the Judiciary's Office of Minors' Affairs and Judiciary hadn't raised any concerns. It shouldn't have been the Senate's business, yet somehow they were holding the Order's entire annual budget hostage over it.

"Plo? Are you free right now?...Yes, it's the fucking Senate…I have no idea. I'll show you when you get here…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictional politics > USA politics.
> 
> Note to self: you can't make Bant Tahl's apprentice if Tahl was a knight and Bant is Medicorps. Lol @ me not proofreading shit.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: Politics. Widespread prejudice against Force sensitives and Jedi. Mentions of child abuse. Obi-Wan has brief, non-explicit thoughts about violence.

When Obi's comm went off, Quin was on Tholme's living room sofa with the sound of laser cannons issuing from the holoscreen. He'd been exploiting his imposing stature to cuddle both his bondmate and his future padawan on his lap at the same time. The bondmate was asleep with his head buried in Quin's neck, but one small blue twi'lek was watching the holo with rapt attention.

Knowing that Obi was exhausted from a draining appointment with Dhakrit, Quin let him sleep and scooped up the buzzing comm himself. He checked the display. _Master Mace. What does he need Obi for at 20:00?_

He switched off the holo to take the call. Aayla whined in protest and Quin patted her head apologetically. "Good evening Master Mace. Obi-Wan is asleep, can I help you with something?"

"I apologize for disturbing you two at this time of night, Quinlan. The Senate has caused an emergency and I'd appreciate my padawan's help with it. Actually, I could probably use both of you if you have the time." Even from the tiny blue comm image, Quin could tell that the Master's face was tense.

Although he had no idea how Master Mace expected him to help with Senate-wrangling, Quin was intrigued. "Sure, I can help. Give me, uh… fifteen minutes to wake up Obi and get this one back to the crechè?" 

"Certainly. Will you introduce me to the young lady so I may apologise for interrupting her evening?"

Quin opened his mouth to make the introduction-- _see, Obi, I_ do _have some manners--_ but Aayla beat him to it. "I'm Aaylas'ecura and I'm seven years old and I'm in Lothcat Clan! I'm gonna be Quinlan's padawan when he grows up!"

"Charmed, Initiate Secura. I'm afraid that I'll have to steal your master for a few hours-- please accept my apologies."

"That's okay Master Windu! Quin's the best Shadow and he can help you lots. I saw this holo before anyways. It's my favorite! The good guys have to keep the evil people from finding the ancient Sith _art-fact_ and they fight and there's lots of explosions! But we already saw the best part where the whole evil control ship goes _BOOM_ and I know how it ends so it's okay."

Quinlan listened in fascinated horror as his seven-year-old described the plot of _Nebula: Redemption_ to the Master of the Order. Master Mace's mouth twitched and Quin suspected that he was being laughed at. 

"Well, I am glad that I'm not keeping you from your favorite part, Ms. Secura. Quinlan, I'll see you in a few minutes." The blue projection of the Master's face clicked off.

Aayla scrambled down from the sofa and started shoving her things into her backpack without having to be asked. Quin prodded at Obi's shoulder but got no response, so he poked him through the bond instead. 

"Hmm-- Quin? What time's it?"

"Just after 20:00, babe. Your Master called, apparently something's going down in the Senate and he asked us to come help him deal with it."

Obi yawned and started yanking his boots on. "Did he say what it's about?"

"Nope. He looked stressed as fuck, though."

"Delightful."

Quin snorted. He stuffed one of his encrypted datapads into his own bag, then a tangle of other assorted electronics for good measure. "Aay, you ready to go?"

"Yep!" She'd stationed herself by the door with her backpack over her shoulder. "Ready when Obi is!"

"I'm here, Aayla. Let's go." Obi sounded half asleep and a bit grumpy, but he was on his feet and wearing his boots and cloak so Quin ushered Aayla out into the hall.

Their stop at the crechè was quick; Aayla's clan was having their bedtime snack so she didn't make a fuss about Quin leaving. As soon as they entered the High Counselors' housing block, Quin could feel the stress emanating from Master Mace's apartment. Obi-Wan tensed and strengthened his shields in response.

Quin quickly took stock of his emotions and let go of some stress of his own. Then he reached out across the bond and wrapped Obi in a blanket of steady affection.

Obi's shields didn't relax by much, but he did stop just outside the door of his new Master's quarters for a hug. Looking up at Quin gratefully, he murmured, "Thank you, darling." Then he stretched up and gave Quin a soft kiss. 

And, well, the big bright eyes and the freckles were too cute to resist. Quin wrapped an arm around Obi's waist and used his other hand to tilt Obi's face into a firmer kiss. Obi leaned into him and made several happy little noises.

Planting a last peck on Obi's forehead, Quin let go of him. "Alright, let's go see what's got your Master's pants in a twist." He received an eye-roll for his trouble.

Master Mace was buried under a pile of datapads at the kitchen table. He greeted the boys without looking up. "Should I be lecturing you about your choice of children's media, Padawan Vos?"

Quin shrugged sheepishly. "Probably? It wasn't my idea, I swear. A couple months ago I watched it with my crechemates when she was supposed to be in bed, and she snuck out of her room. But if you have suggestions of other vids with female twi'lek characters who aren't crazy hypersexualized, I'd love to not fast forward past graphic violence every five minutes."

"Ah. I see your dilemma."

"Yeah. I'm guessing that's not what we came over here to talk about, though?"

"Unfortunately not. The Judiciary Committee has decided that the Training Regulations we passed in response to Jinn's investigation are "indicative of a pervasive culture of minor abuse within the Jedi Order," so they are refusing to bring the FY 25016 budget proposal to the floor until proven otherwise. I've been called to testify."

Obi was suddenly wide awake and absolutely radiating guilt into the Force. "Master, I'm so, so sorry--"

"Padawan. Stop. Nothing about this is your fault. The Senate, the Council, and your former lineage all bear some responsibility, but not you."

Obi subsided. The guilt disappeared. It nearly felt like he'd released it to the Force, but Quin could tell he hadn't-- he'd tucked it away somewhere inside his mind. Quin had concerns, but this wasn't the moment to address them. Obi would just shut down further.

Obi-Wan himself made an abrupt switch from wracked with guilt to attentive and helpful. "Yes, Master, you're right, of course. I will try not to center on my anxiety. How can Quinlan and I assist you?"

"I've spoken to several of my colleagues since I received the memo, and our response has been delegated among us. Yaddle and Plo will try to head off the situation by going directly to the Office of Minors' Affairs and requesting that they do a full audit of the Order's childcare system. If we're lucky, that will push the issue back into the proper regulatory channels. Any further reforms that the Office recommends will be an added bonus.

"Ki-Adi is heading up the budget contingency planning, with financial officers from each corps helping him. And Depa is already neck-deep in Senate procedure, trying to figure out exactly how legal the Judiciary Committee's move is and how we can work around it.

"That leaves us to find out what genius thought it was a good idea to advocate for the welfare of Jedi children by cutting off the funding for their food and medical care. Your research into the Laryt situation has been a game-changer for that diplomatic team over the past month, Obi-Wan, which is why we want your eyes on this situation."

"And Quinlan?"

"It's as good a time as any to introduce him to the joys of 500 Republica."

Quinlan could just hear the gears turning inside Obi's head. Despite the gravity of the situation, he couldn't help but be a little excited-- it had been years since he'd worked any sort of mission with his bondmate, and missions with Obi were _fun._

Obi had already pulled out a pad and stylus. "Do we know whether it was a well-intentioned oversight attempt gone awry or a deliberate attack?"

"No, but we need to find out before we try to plan any sort of strategy for my testimony."

"Hm. What does the current makeup of the Committee look like? I haven't spent much time at the Senate since the last elections."

"The Chair is Winthorpe from Chandrila. Supercilious and given to black and white thinking, but generally ethical. Eriadu and Seswenna are leading the opposition."

"Oh dear. I'm surprised that they stopped arguing long enough to obstruct the budget proposal."

Quinlan was not surprised, mostly because he didn't know enough about the politics of any of those systems to realize that he should be. _Wonderful. Two minutes into my first encounter with Senate politics, and I'm already lost. And I'm meant to be Obi-Wan's partner._ He bit his tongue and resolved to look it up later.

"Yes, Obi-Wan, the defunding of the Jedi Order is truly a triumph of coalition-building."

Obi sniggered. Quin didn't get the joke, and he made his peace with that.

He'd underestimated Obi's perceptiveness, though. There was a pulse of reassurance through the bond, followed by an explanation.

**_"The Chandrilans value direct democracy to such a degree that they're judgemental of systems that lack the resources or education levels to sustain an ideologically pure government. The Seswenna system is in the Outer Rim Free Trade Zone, and they effectively sold their Senate seats to the Trade Federation decades ago. It sounds like the Judiciary Committee is currently a partisan time-bomb."_ **

**_"And yet they somehow all agreed on 'Fuck the Jedi'?"_ **

**_"Exactly. It's profoundly questionable."_ **

Quinlan remembered the stubborn set of Obi's jaw and the pursed lips from their earliest missions together. Back then, the expression had made him look like a disgruntled tooka kit. Now, though, he looked ready to take the galaxy apart at its seams in pursuit of justice and the Light.

"I'd suggest, Master, that we research child welfare laws in each system to see if any of the Committee members are especially passionate about it. They could be the driving force behind this mess, but they'd also be easy for a more malicious Senator to manipulate. And we should probably also look for hostility toward Force sensitives or Jedi specifically."

"Well reasoned, padawan. I'll start researching disputes between the Order and members of the Committee if you'll look into the child welfare question. Quinlan, since several members of the Committee are Trade Federation client states, I would like you to track down any financial ties between the Federation and the Committee. That's one group of people who would like to see us starve."

Now _this_ was something Quin knew how to do. Usually he was investigating organized crime, not the Senate, but was there really much of a difference? He'd be delighted to fuck up some corrupt Senators.

Master Mace and Obi were still talking politics, but Quin had mostly stopped listening as he fished the datapad out of his bag and pulled up the Senate's campaign finance database.

The first hour was frustrating. A big chunk of the Judiciary Committee was obviously in the Federation's pocket, but Obi and Master Mace already knew that. It didn't really explain why they had gone after the Order in particular, or why now.

He was getting nowhere with the official campaign finance database. Which was both predictable and worrying-- on one hand, nobody in their right mind would use above-board campaign donations to put together a conspiracy against a Republic institution. On the other hand, though, it upped the odds that they _were_ dealing with a conspiracy of some sort and not run-of-the-mill lobbying.

The next stop was the Senators' tax records. He pulled up the Committee Chair's first. Evidently Winthorpe had spent decades itemizing every last credit he donated to thousand-credit-per-plate philanthropy galas. Aside from being completely insufferable, though, his returns were unremarkable.

The next five committee members were so tangled up in Trade Federation investments that they might as well have been political puppets. It was nothing he couldn't have predicted from their campaign finance disclosures. Quin rolled his shoulders and cracked a couple of knuckles. Maybe the tax returns were a bust, too.

Then two words caught his eye: Damask Holdings.

Quin knew that name. Whenever the Shadows busted any sort of large scale financial crime, Damask Holdings was there at the periphery of the investigation. Their hands always stayed _just_ clean enough to avoid prosecution.

Damask had bought out a corporation with one of the more powerful opposition Senators as a majority stakeholder-- less than six months ago.

The Force poked at Quin. He heeded it; he ran a query for Damask across all the Committee members' tax records.

And _shit._ In the past year, Damask Holdings had insinuated itself into the investment portfolios of nearly half the Committee. The odds of that being a coincidence were so incredibly low.

He looked up from his screen and realized that Obi was asleep again, face down on the kitchen table this time. The clock on the stove showed that it was nearly one in the morning.

Master Mace was still reading intently. Quinlan hesitated, not sure whether he should interrupt, but he really did have some useful information to share. He slid his pad across the table. "Master? Take a look at this."

Windu picked up the pad and scrolled through it. "Damask Holdings. Is that…?"

"The Banking Clan's organized crime arm? Yeah, pretty much."

"Hm." More scrolling.

Out of curiosity, Quin pried Obi's datapad out from under his limp arm. Obi seemed to have been compiling a table of planet and system names with fragments of their legal codes and dates that laws were passed. A fourth column contained terse notes: 'strong welfare law,' 'weak welfare law,' ' loophole for traffickers/slavers,' 'FS infanticide,' 'FS discrimination.' Even at first glance, Quin could see a correlation developing. He itched to crosswalk it with his own list of Damask investments. He saved Obi's work and sent it to his own pad.

"This is an alarming finding, padawan." The stress lines in Master Mace's forehead had somehow gotten even deeper.

"I think I just figured out something worse though. I need to crosswalk Obi's data with mine, but it looks like many of the Senators tied to Damask represent governments with relatively recent bans on persecution of Force sensitives."

"Damn. Alright, go ahead and run the numbers and tell me what you find."

"Yes, Master." Quinlan cracked his neck and got back to work.

* * *

Obi-Wan was desperately happy to escape his Master's quarters for a small private training room. He'd spent the past eighteen hours with his Master's anxiety pressing in from all sides as they frantically researched the relationship between the Banking Clan, the Judiciary Committee, and the Jedi. His nerves were fried.

After Quin had dug up the link with Damask Holdings, the situation had become complicated quickly. It seemed that over the past year, Damask had deliberately cultivated ties with at least ten systems with longstanding prejudices against Force sensitives. When an opportunity to undermine the Order had presented itself, they'd seized it. Nobody quite knew why.

Meanwhile, the galactic media had picked up the story. **Jedi Order Under Investigation after Allegations of Widespread Child Abuse** was the top headline on the news holofeeds. The Temple public affairs team had been swamped with interview requests from reporters; virtually every politician with a Council member's comm code was calling to express their concerns.

Master Mace had decided that it was an excellent day to begin teaching Obi-Wan Vaapad. Thus the private training room.

"Sit, Obi-Wan. We will start with a meditation. Neither of us is short on negative emotions right now, so I want to share with you my method of processing them."

Obi-Wan expected his Master to reach into his mind through the bond to guide his student's emotions, but that didn't happen. Instead, Master Mace offered a view of his own emotions as he demonstrated the new practice.

Initially, Obi-Wan was alarmed. His Master was vibrating with frustration, fear, disappointment with himself, anger at the Senate and the media… Obi-Wan had not, as a rule, had good experiences under a Master with emotions like that. There was a difference, though. Master Mace was systematically sorting through those emotions, identifying the root cause of each. The ones that were counterproductive, like excessive self-recrimination and shame, were released into the Force. The righteous fury was banked into glowing coals that could be safely held and stoked at need.

Imitating his Master's practice was not so simple. Master Mace simply noticed and examined his anger. Obi-Wan couldn't _find_ his own. He was certain he'd felt sparks of anger over the past day, but they seemed to have vanished. Concentrating hard, he managed to track down some of them behind shields deep in his mind. He released a few and fixed the others as coals, just as his Master had demonstrated. The result wasn't as stable and warm as his Master's mind but it would do for learning the basic katas. And there _was_ less noise inside his head.

Learning the movements for the unfamiliar katas was fun. It was lovely to move and work up a sweat after hours of research. His Master was clearly pleased to be teaching his personal saber form and the enthusiasm was contagious. Obi-Wan was feeling rather good about the whole Vaapad business.

They traded wooden practice staffs for sabers and began integrating the kata forms with the emotional practice. That was when Obi-Wan began having misgivings again. He was meant to stoke the coals back into a controlled flame and channel it into the physical forms. While wielding an ignited blade.

It had been _years_ since Obi-Wan had allowed himself to handle a weapon in anger. More recently, he'd observed through a training bond as his former Master nearly carried out a revenge killing. Every moment, every form, Obi-Wan was sure he'd lose control. His fingers itched with the memory of a bloody knife hilt.

Beside him, Master Windu was steady and fiercely determined. Obi-Wan strove to project the same impression through the training bond. Part of him wondered whether Qui-Gon had been right, whether Obi-Wan was too unstable for all but the Lightest of saber forms. He really ought to tell Master Windu to stop teaching him, that it wasn't safe.

But this was the first major lesson that Master Mace had chosen to teach him. It was the first _personal meditation practice_ that Master Mace had chosen to teach him. His Master's trust, his Master's sincere desire to train him, those weren't things he was willing to give up. 

Obi-Wan was _going_ to learn Vaapad, he was _going_ to stay in control, and he was _not_ going to repay Master Windu's kindness in taking him on with failure.

He shoved the memories of war and death back under his tightest shields and assumed the position for Vaapad Kata IV.

* * *

The High Council's chief of staff had called Mace to their office to review personal assistant candidates, and Mace wasn't sure if they had the best timing in the galaxy or the worst. He could really use somebody to handle routine paperwork while he tried to deal with the child abuse allegations, but he also didn't have the time to show some young knight the ropes.

It didn't really matter, though. Nette had asked to see him, and when Nette said 'jump,' every single High Councillor asked 'how high?'

Mace had been expecting Nette to present him with a stack of personnel files, but there was only one flimsi document on their desk. "I have spoken with the Master of Intelligence," they informed him, "and in light of recent events, we have a proposal. Rather than assigning a young consular as your assistant, we would like to assign you a Shadow specialist in governmental fraud, waste, and abuse. They would pose as your personal assistant and investigate irregularities during the course of their admin duties, providing you with intelligence on the government entities you interact with." 

It was an interesting idea-- an extremely simple means of getting a Shadow's eyes on all of his correspondence. He might even be able to bring the operative into sensitive meetings to 'take notes.' An admin assistant would fly under the radar in a way that the senior padawan to the Master of the Order simply couldn't.

It all depended on who the Shadow was, though. "I presume you have a candidate in mind?"

"Yes, of course." They slid the flimsi document over to Mace. "This is Senior Knight Shadow Stahl. He has extensive experience infiltrating government organizations, an exemplary record."

Mace perused the document. The headshot showed a blandly handsome human of early middle-age. Sandy hair, greyish eyes, average height. He certainly could pass for a minor government functionary on hundreds of worlds.

Nette wasn't exaggerating-- Stahl's record showed that he'd successfully slotted himself into a dozen different bureaucracies since his knighthood. He'd uncovered everything from embezzlement to illegal arms trafficking. 

He did seem ideal for the job. "Will you please arrange for me to discuss the position with him personally?"

Nette nodded. "There is one thing you should be aware of, first…" They flipped through the document and jabbed their stylus at a couple lines of small print.

**Master at Date of Knighthood: Qui-Gon Jinn**

**[RETROACTIVELY REPUDIATED. Stahl not at fault. Apparent cause of repudiation was Fall of Jinn's subsequent apprentice Xanatos Du Crion.]**

The shatterpoint headache was back.

_Oh fuck it all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will you forgive me for the politics if I give you Feemor?


End file.
